The Offbeat Bride: Kitten, Fashion Manager
Her offbeat partners: Brynn, Computer Programer; Doll, Fashion Designer
Date and location of wedding: Codman Estate Lincoln, MA — August 4, 2013
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our wedding had to include meaning for all three of us brides in our polyamorous wedding.
We didn't want to spend a fortune, but all definitely wanted rings we would cherish forever. We went to Na Hoku and picked out tanzanite rings together.
We found all our gowns in the clearance section of David's Bridal, and added our own bursts of personality (read COLOR!) to our traditional, white dresses.
We spent several date nights searching the woods for tree branches to use as decorations. Closer to the day of, we spent an entire day painting every branch white and glittery! Some date nights were spent making paper flowers for aisle decor, and on other nights we got matching shoes and Mod Podged our favorite colors onto them for another splash of color. We made our own invitations with an email RSVP to save on paper, stamps, and time. We also designed and made our own programs and bug spray, as the wedding was outdoors and we have a lot of "crunchy" guests.
We decided to not have a dinner reception, but rather a selection of fruits and cream due to the number of allergies in our guest list. The guest list itself was another interesting project. With three brides, and Kitten's family being HUGE, we set a firm number based on what we could afford, and each of us invited within 1/3 of that number. Once we had RSVPs in hand, we used the number of declines as an opportunity to invite those we wanted there but did not have room for originally.
Tell us about the ceremony:
Our entrance music was Emilie Autumn's "On a Day," and our officiants read the following:
I'd like to welcome you to a most unusual wedding. In our society today, no wedding is really "normal." Our polyglot nation has blended together so many ideas of what it means to be married, and how one goes about doing it, that there is truly no one true way to structure a marriage ceremony. But even by modern standards, where blended families are the new norm, where ceremonies invoke ancient customs alongside modern creations, where in a seemingly ever-increasing number of states and countries, anyone can marry the person that they love, this is a most unusual wedding.
Today we have gathered to witness the union of Brynn, Kitten, and Doll. We are here today to offer them our love and our blessings as they embark on the next phase of their lives together. To some, they represent the "slippery slope" we were warned about. In truth, what they are about to do today is as old as mankind. While modern humans may have invented the word "polyamory," or "many loves," we certainly didn't invent the idea. Multiple adult relationships are as old as we are as a species. Every major culture on the planet has had some form of multiple marriage. Every major religion has allowed it at some point, and some still do. Numerous holy men from the Old Testament had multiple wives. Arjuna, a Hindu hero in the Mahabharata, shares his wife with his brothers, one of whom later marries as well. To modern Pagans, all acts of love are holy to the Goddess. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that though one person may be overpowered, two can support each other, and a chord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Today, Brynn, Kitten and Doll will forge their own three-strand chord. This ceremony is very much their creation, a modern blend of the old and the new, to mark the new beginning of their lives together as a family.
This was followed by individual vows, a ring exchange, and a sand ceremony. We walked off to a commissioned instrumental version of The Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You," Brynn's romance song of choice. It was a little surprise for her!
Our biggest challenge:
We come from very mixed backgrounds. Kitten was raised Christian but is now Pagan. Doll is also a Pagan, and Brynn is Agnostic. One huge challenge was creating a ceremony that included all the beliefs of each bride. Kitten is very traditional because of how she was raised. She wanted her father there and a white wedding dress. Doll, not a huge believer in legal marriages, leaned more towards handfasting and bonding. Brynn, married before, had little interest in weddings at all. All these things combined lead to the decisions of a Pagan priest with a one-day justice of the peace license.
We also had to work with in the legalities of the state. As being married to more than one person is not yet legal, we had to combine handfasting, legally binding documents, and legal marriage to come to a configuration we all felt equal in.
My favorite moment:
Doll's Moment: As Kitten and I finished getting into our dresses, it started to rain. It was devastating, and everyone was demanding to postpone or move the ceremony inside. As the pillar we know and love, Kitten flatly told them all "NO, this is happening." The second they walked out from under the tent, the sky cleared up. A smile from the powers that be! Kitten and I held hands as we walked towards the aisle. I don't really recall much now, but the warmth of the sun was nothing next to heat of Kitten's hand holding mine.
Kitten's Moment: My father had stopped talking to me for a period of time after I came out as not only gay, but as also dating TWO women. Shortly before the wedding, the bonds were mending, just in time for my father to be hospitalized. There were serious concerns about whether or not he would be able to walk his last daughter down the aisle. So for me to be walked down the aisle and dance with my father, was one of my most meaningful moments.
Brynn's Moment: Reading the vows was an emotional intense moment. Few times in my life have I been moved so quickly and easily to tears and felt so much joy and love. That moment will forever be burned in my mind. I loved that I had a beautiful and perfect moment with those whom I have chosen to spend my life.
My funniest moment:
When we designed our cake, we wanted a burst of rainbow color inside our otherwise traditional cake. As we fed each other a bite, Kitten noticed that Brynn's tongue was BLUE! She started laughing and pointing. We all stuck our tongues out to reveal matching blue tongues! Apparently the mocha frosting inside was dyed blue with food coloring, staining everything it touched!
Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?
- Dresses: David's Bridal
- Photographer: KevCool Photography
- Party makeup: Pick Your Poison
- Wedding makeup: Skull and Glossbones
- Rings: Na Hoku
- Cake: Cakes 4 Occasions
Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!
UPDATE SPRING 2014:
Where are they now? Expecting a baby!