The official offbeat wedding checklist

Of course every bride's checklist will be different, but we have a few suggestions
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Finally, a checklist for offbeat brides! Obviously, no one checklist can meet everyone's, but this one is hopefully a bit more slanted toward nontraditional concerns. That said, it assumes you're got about a seven month engagement — some of you are waaay longer, and some of you manage to do it all in three months. Your mileage may vary.
So, now it's time to print this out and start checking the boxes!
First things first:
Sit down with your partner and figure out general vision for wedding. Indoors? Outdoors? Silly? Formal?
Decide on a budget and figure who might be helping. Choose wisely, grasshopper, and remember that if family pays, family may want to control.
If you're going for a potluck-style wedding, start talking to friends and family about who might want to help with different parts of the wedding.
Pick wedding date and time, and finalize after okaying with important guests, location, or officiant.
If you're hiring vendors, start doing your homework on what services you'll need, and who can provide it.
Buy a copy of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides (Duh!)
As soon as you know what you're doing:
Scout out venues and book one as soon as you can.
Make preliminary guest list and decide on your wedding's approximate size. Get lists from both sets of parents, too.
Start talking to caterers, if you're using one.
Start a notebook/file folder to house all your wedding-planning paperwork in one place.
If you're doing a wedding party, choose your peeps.
If you're doing a caterer, pick one and determine price per head and menu.
Start looking at dresses.
Start investigating any ethnic customs or cultural traditions you might want to incorporate into your ceremony or reception.
Decide on and meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure.
If you plan to use frequent flyer miles to travel to your honeymoon destination, book your flight now.
Six months before wedding (or something similar)
Finalize the guest list.
Find an officiant who suits your style and spirit.
Consider music at your reception. Even if you're not doing dancing, some background tunes are nice.
Narrow down your gown choices and make a final decision.
If you're doing a gift registry, start registering for gifts.
Think about how you might want to wear your hair.
Figure out who's making your cake, cupcakes, wedding pie, etc.
Lock down photography — even if it's a friend, get a solid commitment.
Figure out if you're doing bridesmaid dresses.
Figure out flowers. If you're hiring someone, send a deposit to reserve their services.
Make sure everyone helping with the wedding knows what you're expecting of them.
Send STDs (ha!) to guests via postcard or email or even just calling.
Several months before wedding
Confirm your cake (or non-cake) plans.
If you're doing a wedding party, figure out what everyone's wearing.
Lock down your wedding dress and your partner's attire
Book ceremony musicians and send deposit.
Work on invitation wording and design.
Finalize menu and service details with caterer.
Launch your wedsite, if you're doing one.
A couple months before your wedding
If you're doing flowers with a florist, lock it down with them.
If you're renting stuff (tables, chairs, tents, farm animals) confirm it with the vendors.
Book rehearsal-dinner site, if you're doing one.
Figure out where you're sleeping on your wedding night, and make reservations if necessary.
Compile packages for out-of-town guests with hotel reservation and city information, and send 'em out via snail mail or email.
Book your honeymoon flights (if not using frequent flyer miles) and make all your other travel reservations.
If you haven't registered yet, be sure to do so before any upcoming prewedding parties.
Consider specific ceremony and reception decoration needs like a Chuppah, aisle runner, etc.
Purchase or make your invitations.
Start addressing invitations — aim to send them out at the two-month mark.
Talk to people you'd want to do special performances or readings as part of the ceremony.
Get anything you need for an international honeymoon (passport, birth certificate, visas, vaccinations, etc.).
Send out invitations.
Two months before your wedding:
Work on vows, particularly if you're writing your own.
Research local marriage license requirements.
Make the wedding party has purchased their outfits and accessories.
Arrange wedding-day transportation for you, your wedding party, and guests (as needed).
Snag wedding bands.
If you're doing favors, buy them now or else get crafting!
Six weeks out
As you receive presents, be sure to update and/or add items to your registry list and record the gifts you get.
Confirm reservations for out-of-town guests.
Arrange parking for the reception.
Order liquor, wine and/or champagne if they're not included in the catering contract.
Make sure you've got all your accessories like veil and shoes.
Begin writing the ceremony program if you are having one.
Tell your partner you love them at least once a day as things get increasingly crazy.
Do you want a guest book? Now's the time to get one.
Set aside some time to write thank-you notes for gifts received at the bridal shower.
Finalize vows.
Make sure your wedding outfits fit both of you.
One month out:
Do trial runs of various vanity routines (hair, make-up, henna, wedding night genital piercing jewelry, whatever); schedule wedding-day appointments.
Finish and print ceremony programs, if you're doing 'em.
Get marriage license and make appointments for blood tests (if necessary). Check when the license expires.
If you're doing an iPod reception, work on your playlist. If not, work on a list of "must-play" (and "must-not play") songs for your DJ or band. Back up your music and the rest of your hard drive while you're at it.
Discuss music with ceremony musicians and agree on final choices.
Confirm wedding-night and honeymoon reservations.
Have a follow-up meeting or phone call with the officiant to go over ceremony timing and details.
Do paperwork for official documents if you and/or your partner are changing your name(s).
Work out wedding day timing and details (who will get the bride there, where the wedding party will dress, etc) and draw up a schedule.
Get final prewedding haircut, if necessary.
Call or email wedding party to relay critical info related to rehearsal and wedding (dates, times, directions, duties).
Get a head start on thank-you notes if you can.
Finalize any special preferences, readings, or other ceremony details with your officiant. Put it in writing if you can.
Two weeks out:
Harass guests who haven't RSVP'd for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.
Give final head count to the caterer. Confirm set-up instructions and menu items.
Call location manager and make sure your vendors all have access to the site when they need it.
Confirm head count, delivery time, and location with the cakemaker.
Make extra sure that everyone who's helping you with the wedding gets a special, pointed thank you.
Determine any wedding day assignments for members of the wedding party, and make lists/info sheets as needed.
If you're doing a seating chart, figure it out now.
Confirm all final payment amounts with your vendors.
Confirm location, date, and time with photographer; create your "must-take" photo list.
Touch base with your officiant and give him/her rehearsal details and wedding day schedule.
Confirm delivery locations, times, and final arrangement count with florist.
Make sure your partner has their wedding attire all ready to go and fitted.
Fax transportation providers a schedule and addresses for pickups on wedding day.
Prepare your toasts or thanks to friends and family.
Distribute wedding-day directions, schedule, and contact list to all parents, attendants, and vendors.
Designate who will meet, greet, and handle each vendor on the wedding day.
Procure sedatives for night before wedding. Give them a trial run.
The week before:
Put together an overnight bag for your wedding night (toothbrush, vibrator, etc.) and designate someone to deliver it to the hotel for you.
If you're the froofy type, get a manicure and pedicure and confirm big-day beauty appointments.
Designate someone to collect the wedding gifts (and any cash) brought to the party.
Confirm date, location, time, and playlist with band/DJ and/or ceremony or cocktail hour musicians.
Leave a copy of your honeymoon itinerary with someone in case of emergency.
Put final payments and cash tips in marked envelopes and give to a designated family or friend to distribute on the wedding day.
Prepare a wedding day freakout kit (aspirin, makeup, safety pins, mints, Cliff bar, etc.).
The day before
Rehearse the ceremony with officiant and wedding party.
Confirm all specific honeymoon travel plans (including transportation to airport, etc.).
Assemble both your and your partners entire outfits.
Set your alarm and arrange for backup.
Make sure your vows are memorized
Take a sedative and/or masturbate. It will help you sleep.
Wedding day
Set aside special time during the day to step aside and breath for a few seconds.
Confirm with people who you expect to give/lead toasts at the reception.
Take a moment to thank your parents and tell them you love them.
Relax, smile, and enjoy the day!
After the wedding
Mail special letters and/or gifts to your parents and other special helpers to thank them for their help and support.
Make sure all vendor bills have been paid in full.
Find out when you can expect wedding photos and/or video.
Within two months of your wedding, send all thank-you notes.
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About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.





Melissa said
I would love to rent a farm animal or two for my wedding.
Kelli Russell-Selwyn said
We are having our wedding right down the road from a farm and they have goats! So, right after the reception the photographer, my partner and I are going to go feed the goats and take some awesome photos! Our retirement plan is to own a goat farm, so we thought it was fitting.
Ariel said
Goat-related weddings featured on OBB:
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/0…-love-fest
http://offbeatbride.com/2010/0…rm-wedding
Megan said
Oh, it looks like you forgot "schedule mani/pedi trial run 3 months before the wedding to ensure color matches your table linens and accent flowers."
Seriously, though: Thank you for this!
Rachel said
Perfect! Thanks for posting this. Definitely better than anything in those "wedding planner" books.
Baxter said
This is so amazingly helpful.
Me said
I am always afraid I'm forgetting something major. Thanks so much for this!! It's so much better than the other ones that are available!
Zan said
Thank you so much for this. It is now getting down to crunch time and although I have a wedding planner, I am also a bit of a control freak (thanks Mom) and need to make sure I dictate to her everything I need. She won't know unless I tell her, so thanks.
Danielle said
This list is awesome because it uses a word that most other wedding sites don't–IF.
AJ said
Sedative! That's brilliant, I wish someone had recommended that for me, I got about 2 hours sleep night before my wedding and looked it. People say they couldn't tell and the adrenaline got me through the day easily, but I can still see tired eyes when I look at my pictures. I'll definitely be recommending to my friends they snag a valium from somewhere.
Brittany said
I love this.
The only thing that I would change is when to choose your officiant. If you have someone in mind that you'd like, it's basically her/his availability and the venue that decides the date of your shindig.
Liana said
The list is great, except that I'm a bride in pants! I'll have to customize my list a little more
Ariel said
Ooh, Liana, good point. I should change it to say "outfit."
Jada said
Oh my god this list is amazing! I love my shirt too.
rainbo said
who doesn't love a checklist that involves masturbation…way to go!!
thanks
Samantha said
Thanks!!!
sarah said
Oh god… there's so much stuff that needs to be done that I keep overlooking… I guess we're going to do a lot of "winging it." I'm gonna need to do a lot of masturbating and sedative-munching. Oh well.
dragonfly said
Anyone considering having farm animals around their wedding really needs to RECONSIDER IT! I live on a farm & we would never consider renting an animal out for a wedding. Take this from someone who's mother wanted swans swimming in her pool & whose father threatened to serve the poor birds for dinner after he got done cleaning up the poop right before the guests started arriving. Now I have to got back to hitting my head on the wall. My son is getting married soon – possibly at our farm. I'm thinking I'll hand out shovels, rakes & pitchforks to the guests as they arrive. Good luck every one.
Ariel said
Psst, dragonfly: it was a joke.
sarah said
Seriously, though, why do so many wedding places advise to "start thinking about hairstyles" like 6 months before the wedding? Am I missing something? Is this something that I should really put 6 months worth of thought into?
Ariel said
Sarah, I guess the logic is that if you want to grow it out, it could take six months? That's the only justification I can think of.
Kelli Russell-Selwyn said
Yeah, I've encuntered a lot of "Oh, well you need to decide how you'll wear your hair so you'll know how long you'll need to let it grow." I guess most people just assume I'm going to grow it out. If anything, I was thinking of buzzing it again, it was so beautiful!
Sean said
Or in my case,
1. Get license
2. Make sure park is clear the day of ceremony
3. Get married
4. Eat and drink
5. Hot married sex
I realized that after dumping a number of specific expenses like getting my hair done and having a fancy cake that dumping all of it and going bare bones is much easier/cheaper/smarter. S'nice.
Hillary said
Hey Ariel, I could totally support the Offbeat Bride Podcast!
sje said
Love the list, especially the frequent use of the word "if". You seem to cover all the big stuff, without getting down to teensy, stupid, princess-type details.
Harper said
OMG, don't make the mistake one of my Customers did and get your Gown details done LAST! 1:Get the Venue then 2:Get your Gown/Costume details/deposit/contract/shopping done! 3:Then deal with everyone else's minutia…
From a Gown Designer's perspective everyone's coming in to the shop at once wanting your full attention and the Calendar Juggling Act becomes chaos with just one last minute forgetful Girl…and we haveto charge accordingly to make it work! Save your budget for fun things, not Rush Fees
Brigitta said
seriously amazing! thanks so much.
Anna said
holy shit! is it too late to elope?
liz allen said
No Kidding and I'm 54 and it's starting to be a task. People are coming up to me saying we can't wait and I'm thinking shit I didn't even think of you to invite. It's just becuz they have waited so freakin long to see me get married for the FIRST time.I'm thinking just masturbate and forget about the whole thing!