The official offbeat wedding checklist

January 10th, 2008 · Offbeat advice · 30 comments

Finally, a checklist for offbeat brides! Obviously, no checklist can work for everyone, but this one is hopefully a bit more slanted toward offbeat concerns. That said, it assumes you’re got about a seven month engagement — some of you are waaay longer, and some of you manage to do it all in three months. Your mileage may vary.

So, now it’s time to print this out and start checking the boxes!

First things first:

checkbox.gifSit down with your partner and figure out general vision for wedding. Indoors? Outdoors? Silly? Formal?

checkbox.gif Decide on a budget and figure who might be helping. Choose wisely, grasshopper, and remember that if family pays, family will want to control.

checkbox.gif If you’re going for a potluck-style wedding, start talking to friends and family about who might want to help with different parts of the wedding.

checkbox.gif Pick wedding date and time, and finalize after okaying with important guests, location, or officiant.

checkbox.gif If you’re hiring vendors, start doing your homework on what services you’ll need, and who can provide it.

checkbox.gifBuy a copy of Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides

As soon as you know what you’re doing:

checkbox.gif Scout out venues and book one as soon as you can.

checkbox.gif Make preliminary guest list and decide on your wedding’s approximate size. Get lists from both sets of parents, too.

checkbox.gif Start talking to caterers, if you’re using one.

checkbox.gif Start a notebook/file folder to house all your wedding-planning paperwork in one place.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing a wedding party, choose your peeps.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing a caterer, pick one and determine price per head and menu.

checkbox.gif Start looking at dresses.

checkbox.gif Start investigating any ethnic customs or cultural traditions you might want to incorporate into your ceremony or reception.

checkbox.gif Decide on and meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure.

checkbox.gif If you plan to use frequent flyer miles to travel to your honeymoon destination, book your flight now.

Six months before wedding (or something similar)

checkbox.gif Finalize the guest list.

checkbox.gif Find an officiant who suits your style and spirit.

checkbox.gif Consider music at your reception. Even if you’re not doing dancing, some background tunes are nice.

checkbox.gif Narrow down your gown choices and make a final decision.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing a gift registry, start registering for gifts.

checkbox.gif Think about how you might want to wear your hair.

checkbox.gif Figure out who’s making your cake, cupcakes, wedding pie, etc.

checkbox.gif Lock down photography — even if it’s a friend, get a solid commitment.

checkbox.gif Figure out if you’re doing bridesmaid dresses.

checkbox.gif Figure out flowers. If you’re hiring someone, send a deposit to reserve their services.

checkbox.gif Make sure everyone helping with the wedding knows what you’re expecting of them.

checkbox.gif Send STDs (ha!) to guests via postcard or email or even just calling.

Several months before wedding

checkbox.gif Confirm your cake (or non-cake) plans.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing a wedding party, figure out what everyone’s wearing.

checkbox.gif Lock down your wedding dress and your partner’s attire

checkbox.gif Book ceremony musicians and send deposit.

checkbox.gif Work on invitation wording and design.

checkbox.gif Finalize menu and service details with caterer.

checkbox.gif Launch your wedsite, if you’re doing one.

A couple months before your wedding

checkbox.gif If you’re doing flowers with a florist, lock it down with them.

checkbox.gif If you’re renting stuff (tables, chairs, tents, farm animals) confirm it with the vendors.

checkbox.gif Book rehearsal-dinner site, if you’re doing one.

checkbox.gif Figure out where you’re sleeping on your wedding night, and make reservations if necessary.

checkbox.gif Compile packages for out-of-town guests with hotel reservation and city information, and send ‘em out via snail mail or email.

checkbox.gif Book your honeymoon flights (if not using frequent flyer miles) and make all your other travel reservations.

checkbox.gif If you haven’t registered yet, be sure to do so before any upcoming prewedding parties.

checkbox.gif Consider specific ceremony and reception decoration needs like a huppah, aisle runner, etc.

checkbox.gif Purchase or make your invitations.

checkbox.gif Start addressing invitations — aim to send them out at the two-month mark.

checkbox.gif Talk to people you’d want to do special performances or readings as part of the ceremony.

checkbox.gif Get anything you need for an international honeymoon (passport, birth certificate, visas, vaccinations, etc.).

checkbox.gif Send out invitations.

Two months before your wedding:

checkbox.gif Work on vows, particularly if you’re writing your own.

checkbox.gif Research local marriage license requirements.

checkbox.gif Make the wedding party has purchased their outfits and accessories.

checkbox.gif Arrange wedding-day transportation for you, your wedding party, and guests (as needed).

checkbox.gif Snag wedding bands.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing favors, buy them now or else get crafting!

Six weeks out

checkbox.gif As you receive presents, be sure to update and/or add items to your registry list and record the gifts you get.

checkbox.gif Confirm reservations for out-of-town guests.

checkbox.gif Arrange parking for the reception.

checkbox.gif Order liquor, wine and/or champagne if they’re not included in the catering contract.

checkbox.gif Make sure you’ve got all your accessories like veil and shoes.

checkbox.gif Begin writing the ceremony program if you are having one.

checkbox.gif Tell your partner you love them at least once a day as things get increasingly crazy.

checkbox.gif Do you want a guest book? Now’s the time to get one.

checkbox.gif Set aside some time to write thank-you notes for gifts received at the bridal shower.

checkbox.gif Finalize vows.

checkbox.gif Make sure your wedding outfits fit both of you.

One month out:

checkbox.gif Do trial runs of various vanity routines (hair, make-up, henna, wedding night genital piercing jewelry, whatever); schedule wedding-day appointments.

checkbox.gif Finish and print ceremony programs, if you’re doing ‘em.

checkbox.gif Get marriage license and make appointments for blood tests (if necessary). Check when the license expires.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing an iPod reception, work on your playlist. If not, work on a list of “must-play” (and “must-not play”) songs for your DJ or band. Back up your music and the rest of your hard drive while you’re at it.

checkbox.gif Discuss music with ceremony musicians and agree on final choices.

checkbox.gif Confirm wedding-night and honeymoon reservations.

checkbox.gif Have a follow-up meeting or phone call with the officiant to go over ceremony timing and details.

checkbox.gif Do paperwork for official documents if you and/or your partner are changing your name(s).

checkbox.gif Work out wedding day timing and details (who will get the bride there, where the wedding party will dress, etc) and draw up a schedule.

checkbox.gif Get final prewedding haircut, if necessary.

checkbox.gif Call or email wedding party to relay critical info related to rehearsal and wedding (dates, times, directions, duties).

checkbox.gif Get a head start on thank-you notes if you can.

checkbox.gif Finalize any special preferences, readings, or other ceremony details with your officiant. Put it in writing if you can.

Two weeks out:

checkbox.gif Harass guests who haven’t RSVP’d for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.

checkbox.gif Give final head count to the caterer. Confirm set-up instructions and menu items.

checkbox.gif Call location manager and make sure your vendors all have access to the site when they need it.

checkbox.gif Confirm head count, delivery time, and location with the cakemaker.

checkbox.gif Make extra sure that everyone who’s helping you with the wedding gets a special, pointed thank you.

checkbox.gif Determine any wedding day assignments for members of the wedding party, and make lists/info sheets as needed.

checkbox.gif If you’re doing a seating chart, figure it out now.

checkbox.gif Confirm all final payment amounts with your vendors.

checkbox.gif Confirm location, date, and time with photographer; create your “must-take” photo list.

checkbox.gif Touch base with your officiant and give him/her rehearsal details and wedding day schedule.

checkbox.gif Confirm delivery locations, times, and final arrangement count with florist.

checkbox.gif Make sure your partner has their wedding attire all ready to go and fitted.

checkbox.gif Fax transportation providers a schedule and addresses for pickups on wedding day.

checkbox.gif Prepare your toasts or thanks to friends and family.

checkbox.gif Distribute wedding-day directions, schedule, and contact list to all parents, attendants, and vendors.

checkbox.gif Designate who will meet, greet, and handle each vendor on the wedding day.

checkbox.gif Procure sedatives for night before wedding. Give them a trial run.

The week before:

checkbox.gif Put together an overnight bag for your wedding night (toothbrush, vibrator, etc.) and designate someone to deliver it to the hotel for you.

checkbox.gif If you’re the froofy type, get a manicure and pedicure and confirm big-day beauty appointments.

checkbox.gif Designate someone to collect the wedding gifts (and any cash) brought to the party.

checkbox.gif Confirm date, location, time, and playlist with band/DJ and/or ceremony or cocktail hour musicians.

checkbox.gif Leave a copy of your honeymoon itinerary with someone in case of emergency.

checkbox.gif Put final payments and cash tips in marked envelopes and give to a designated family or friend to distribute on the wedding day.

checkbox.gif Prepare a wedding day freakout kit (aspirin, makeup, safety pins, mints, Cliff bar, etc.).

The day before

checkbox.gif Rehearse the ceremony with officiant and wedding party.

checkbox.gif Confirm all specific honeymoon travel plans (including transportation to airport, etc.).

checkbox.gif Assemble both your and your partners entire outfits.

checkbox.gif Set your alarm and arrange for backup.

checkbox.gif Make sure your vows are memorized

checkbox.gif Take a sedative and/or masturbate. It will help you sleep.

Wedding day

checkbox.gif Set aside special time during the day to step aside and breath for a few seconds.

checkbox.gif Confirm with people who you expect to give/lead toasts at the reception.

checkbox.gif Take a moment to thank your parents and tell them you love them.

checkbox.gif Relax, smile, and enjoy the day!

After the wedding

checkbox.gif Mail special letters and/or gifts to your parents and other special helpers to thank them for their help and support.

checkbox.gif Make sure all vendor bills have been paid in full.

checkbox.gif Find out when you can expect wedding photos and/or video.

checkbox.gif Within two months of your wedding, send all thank-you notes.


Comments

30 responses to this entry
  • 1

    Melissa

    January 10th, 2008 · 8:54 AM · #

    I would love to rent a farm animal or two for my wedding.

  • 2

    Megan

    January 10th, 2008 · 9:27 AM · #

    Oh, it looks like you forgot “schedule mani/pedi trial run 3 months before the wedding to ensure color matches your table linens and accent flowers.”

    Seriously, though: Thank you for this!

  • 3

    Rachel

    January 10th, 2008 · 9:42 AM · #

    Perfect! Thanks for posting this. Definitely better than anything in those “wedding planner” books.

  • 4

    Baxter

    January 10th, 2008 · 10:08 AM · #

    This is so amazingly helpful.

  • 5

    Me

    January 10th, 2008 · 11:02 AM · #

    I am always afraid I’m forgetting something major. Thanks so much for this!! It’s so much better than the other ones that are available!

  • 6

    Zan

    January 10th, 2008 · 11:13 AM · #

    Thank you so much for this. It is now getting down to crunch time and although I have a wedding planner, I am also a bit of a control freak (thanks Mom) and need to make sure I dictate to her everything I need. She won’t know unless I tell her, so thanks. :)

  • 7

    Danielle

    January 10th, 2008 · 11:49 AM · #

    This list is awesome because it uses a word that most other wedding sites don’t–IF.

  • 8

    AJ

    January 10th, 2008 · 12:07 PM · #

    Sedative! That’s brilliant, I wish someone had recommended that for me, I got about 2 hours sleep night before my wedding and looked it. People say they couldn’t tell and the adrenaline got me through the day easily, but I can still see tired eyes when I look at my pictures. I’ll definitely be recommending to my friends they snag a valium from somewhere.

  • 9

    Brittany

    January 10th, 2008 · 4:45 PM · #

    I love this. :) The only thing that I would change is when to choose your officiant. If you have someone in mind that you’d like, it’s basically her/his availability and the venue that decides the date of your shindig.

  • 10

    Liana

    January 10th, 2008 · 5:56 PM · #

    The list is great, except that I’m a bride in pants! I’ll have to customize my list a little more :)

  • 11

    Ariel

    January 10th, 2008 · 10:07 PM · #

    Ooh, Liana, good point. I should change it to say “outfit.” :)

  • 12

    Jada

    January 11th, 2008 · 7:35 AM · #

    Oh my god this list is amazing! I love my shirt too.

  • 13

    rainbo

    January 11th, 2008 · 1:02 PM · #

    who doesn’t love a checklist that involves masturbation…way to go!!
    thanks

  • 14

    Samantha

    January 11th, 2008 · 5:00 PM · #

    Thanks!!!

  • 15

    sarah

    January 11th, 2008 · 5:23 PM · #

    Oh god… there’s so much stuff that needs to be done that I keep overlooking… I guess we’re going to do a lot of “winging it.” I’m gonna need to do a lot of masturbating and sedative-munching. Oh well.

  • 16

    dragonfly

    January 11th, 2008 · 6:11 PM · #

    Anyone considering having farm animals around their wedding really needs to RECONSIDER IT! I live on a farm & we would never consider renting an animal out for a wedding. Take this from someone who’s mother wanted swans swimming in her pool & whose father threatened to serve the poor birds for dinner after he got done cleaning up the poop right before the guests started arriving. Now I have to got back to hitting my head on the wall. My son is getting married soon - possibly at our farm. I’m thinking I’ll hand out shovels, rakes & pitchforks to the guests as they arrive. Good luck every one.

  • 17

    Ariel

    January 11th, 2008 · 6:53 PM · #

    Psst, dragonfly: it was a joke. ;)

  • 18

    sarah

    January 11th, 2008 · 6:59 PM · #

    Seriously, though, why do so many wedding places advise to “start thinking about hairstyles” like 6 months before the wedding? Am I missing something? Is this something that I should really put 6 months worth of thought into?

  • 19

    Ariel

    January 11th, 2008 · 9:09 PM · #

    Sarah, I guess the logic is that if you want to grow it out, it could take six months? That’s the only justification I can think of.

  • 20

    Sean

    January 12th, 2008 · 10:40 AM · #

    Or in my case,
    1. Get license
    2. Make sure park is clear the day of ceremony
    3. Get married
    4. Eat and drink
    5. Hot married sex

    I realized that after dumping a number of specific expenses like getting my hair done and having a fancy cake that dumping all of it and going bare bones is much easier/cheaper/smarter. S’nice.

  • 21

    Hillary

    January 13th, 2008 · 7:44 PM · #

    Hey Ariel, I could totally support the Offbeat Bride Podcast!

  • 22

    sje

    January 14th, 2008 · 12:57 PM · #

    Love the list, especially the frequent use of the word “if”. You seem to cover all the big stuff, without getting down to teensy, stupid, princess-type details.

  • 23

    Harper

    January 21st, 2008 · 8:01 AM · #

    OMG, don’t make the mistake one of my Customers did and get your Gown details done LAST! 1:Get the Venue then 2:Get your Gown/Costume details/deposit/contract/shopping done! 3:Then deal with everyone else’s minutia…
    From a Gown Designer’s perspective everyone’s coming in to the shop at once wanting your full attention and the Calendar Juggling Act becomes chaos with just one last minute forgetful Girl…and we haveto charge accordingly to make it work! Save your budget for fun things, not Rush Fees ;)

  • 24

    Brigitta

    January 21st, 2008 · 7:35 PM · #

    seriously amazing! thanks so much.

  • 25

    Anna

    February 1st, 2008 · 2:53 PM · #

    holy shit! is it too late to elope?

  • 26

    akasha

    February 12th, 2008 · 2:28 AM · #

    fantastic list - i’m so glad i found it! masturbate, or hot unmarried sex i think…. :)

  • 27

    Yvette

    April 2nd, 2008 · 10:57 AM · #

    Wow, now I know to add xanax to my overnight bag. Thanks!

  • 28

    Hoshi

    April 10th, 2008 · 9:47 AM · #

    OMG thank you so much for this. Any other checklists from frilly sites like the Knot scare me senseless to look at. They go on forever and I’ve never understood the point of terrifying the bride with ever single minor detail just when she’s considering plannign a wedding. This list is perfect.

  • 29

    sue

    May 9th, 2008 · 8:41 AM · #

    the reason for deciding soooo earlie on your hair is partly to match it to the rest of your outfit - but mainly to be able to fix any oopsies along the way.

    i plan to have my hair highlighted but if i am not careful my hair turns a carrot color and acutally clashes with my skin tone - not a look i would want for my wedding!!!!!

  • 30

    Bev

    May 20th, 2008 · 7:13 AM · #

    Here’s an idea…Instead of doing the rehearsal dinner on the day before, do it two days before. That way, the day before the wedding can be completely stress-free and you can just chill if you want to.

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