One of the things I learned from my reader survey was how many of you identified yourselves as "ladies in waiting," i.e. women biding their time until their boyfriends propose. Well, girls: STOP WAITING! If you're into questioning traditions, start by questioning the very first assumption about weddings: that a woman's role is waiting for a man to pick her.

I know: it's scary right? You're thinking, "What if he says no?" Well, no one said taking your life by the reigns would be easy, and the anxieties and fears of rejection that come up around proposing give you great insight into some of the cultural pressures men traditionally experience.

Proposing is definitely scary, and I'm speaking from personal experience here. As those of you who've read my book know, I actually proposed to Andreas …

On our third anniversary, we went to this pottery painting place. As I'd planned, I painted a big plate with a picture of us holding hands. (Yes, we were naked in the painting. I like painting butts!)

Above the little people, I painted the words "Psst: will you marry me?" Then I put my grandmother's diamond wedding ring onto the plate and slid it across the table to Andreas.

He looked at the plate. He looked up at me.

I looked at him. Nothing happened.

"…Well, will you?" I said.

Continue reading "Proposing Part 1: Why you should propose to your boyfriend" →

The offbeat bride: Naomi

Her offbeat partner: Casey

Location & date of wedding: First Assembly Church Chapel in Cedar Rapids, IA. November 1, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: For starters, I wore a black dress. It was actually a bridesmaid's dress, which made it tons cheaper.

Then, we did almost everything ourselves. I made our invitations on postcards. No real flowers — my bouquet was handmade from little christmas bulbs and tulle. Oh, and little white lights. Yes, it lit up!

Every tradition in weddings we pretty much went against. No unity candle, I stood on the 'wrong' side, my mom and dad walked me down, Casey had his parents walk him down.

There was no white was at our wedding — it was all black and bright blue.

Continue reading "Naomi & Casey's punk rock Iowa wedding" →

Welcome to another installation of OMGOBT!, the series where I share some of my favorite content from the OBT. This post comes to you from OBT member Rodrigues.

I have been pondering ways to keep my family involved in my wedding yet respectful of our wishes. I almost feel like it is harder to plan a “mostly traditional with some personal twists” style wedding than a totally off-the-wall affair, mostly because if you are having the latter, it seems friends and family will eventually resign themselves to the fact that you are unequivocally NOT going to have the wedding they want.

Because our wedding appears fairly traditional on the surface, the changes we’re making are confusing the hell out of my parents, making them think that we are only changing certain things to spite them.

Continue reading "How to keep family off your back, by Rodrigues" →

I officially launched Offbeatbride.com on January 1st, 2007, so it seems fitting to relaunch the site on its two year anniversary.

The design should feel pretty familiar. I'm keeping the general structure pretty much as its always been … the biggest change you'll notice is the addition of illustrations from Donna from Butterflies Kiss, who you may remember me featuring a couple months back.

I decided that Donna's images were so perfect for Offbeatbride.com that I had to get 'em on the site permanently, and Donna even made me a custom illustration — that's me on my wedding day up there on the "Author" button. Many thanks to Donna for her awesomeness … and she's doing that 10% discount for offbeat bride readers!

Another big change is that the tags for each post have been moved up to be front and center. The tags are those words off to the right of each post. If you see a subject that interests you, just go ahead and click the tag to see all the posts on Offbeat Bride that have been tagged with the same words.

I've also added a couple pages to help folks find their ways in the offbeat empire … a page for the newly engaged, and a Frequently Asked Questions page addressing Offbeat Bride, offbeatbride.com, and the Offbeat Bride Tribe.

There may be a few bugs here and there — lemme know if you come across anything on the site acting wonky!

The offbeat bride: Erin, teacher

Her offbeat partner: Chris, photographer

Location & date of wedding: Treasure Island Beach, Florida on November 1st, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: We live together with our four children (two mine, two his, all ours). This wedding was not just about the two of us, but about merging to become this big, crazy, wonderful family.

I said vows to Chris's biological children, and he said vows to mine. It just formalized the incredible bond we already have with each other. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen, we walked down the aisle together, and we skipped the bouquet toss and garter business, and most other expected elements of the modern American wedding.

Continue reading "Erin & Chris' Brady-Bunched on the Beach Wedding" →

I'm a longtime fan of wings in weddings, but usually it's brides and flower girls wearing wings. It was so refreshing to see Fairylove's wedding gallery, which features several shots of a Hawaiian groom rocking his own set of wedding wings:

The gallery also features what look like ring bearers and bridesmen wearing wings as well! For lots more wing pictures, head on over to Fairylove.

The offbeat bride: Natalie, Graphic Artist

Her offbeat partner: Nick, Finance Officer

Location & date of wedding: Newstead Park Rotunda, Brisbane, Australia on April 19th, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: I wore a red gown that I designed myself that was inspired in part by the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland, Victorian fashions and Cyndi Lauper's "She's so Unusual" album cover.

Continue reading "Natalie & Nick's Red Queen Garden Party Wedding" →

Sadly, we have decided to call off the wedding. We sent out the Save The Dates a while ago, and we're going to each notify our own "sides" of the guest list. I can call my friends, but what do I do to notify the distant relatives and parents' friends? I know I need to send something soon because the wedding date is only 3 months away. In this state of mind, I can't think of what to say. Any thoughts?

First: I'm so very sorry. This is one of those situations where simplicity goes a long way — you don't need to get into details with extended family. A phone call definitely works a bit better than a mailed card, which can get lost in the shuffle.

If you're close with your parents and can ask them to call the distant relatives and family friends, that's the best bet. It's likely that they've got the contact information anyway, and they've got the relationships with these people and can field the possibly-intrusive questions that guests may have.

If you don't feel comfortable asking your parents, you can make the calls yourself. Be gracious but don't get into details: "I just wanted to let you know that we've decided not to move forward with the wedding. I hope I've caught you before you've made any travel plans." If they ask why the wedding's been called off, simply say, "It was a mutual decision that we put a lot of thought into." No need to go any further.

Canceling a wedding is a deeply painful process — but less painful than a divorce a few years down the line. Best of luck, and lots of love.