Zygotic relationships: How getting married is like forming DNA strands #Philosophizing#relationships Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted Aug 13 2012) Guest post by Rorsun1 Aside from making great jewelry, who knew DNA analogies could be so romantic? I realized that most of what makes the typical marriage is the slower process of two lives intertwining like DNA. It's the working to solutions as a team; it's the being completely honest; it's the working through disagreements; it's the really taking the time to communicate; it's the support that comes with all of that. The merging of lives is hard work — it's even harder work than I had really been prepared for. In the bringing of two lives together, there is some autonomy that is lost in the process. You are no longer working for the "you"; you are now working for the "us" — what's best for the "us" and having to negotiate the new merged places. For the DNA metaphor, it's like making sure that all the genes match. Are you building up to the 10 fingers and the 10 toes? Are you making sure that the heart doesn't have a hole in it? Are you making sure the spinal cavity is fully closed? Giving up some of the "you" things has, honestly, been difficult for me at times. I'm a fiercely independent person. I make my own decisions on my own time and in my own way. I can be very difficult to work with sometimes because of it. Being a true team player isn't something that really comes to me. (That isn't to say that I'm a complete asshole, though I do have my moments.) Recently, Mr. Man and I decided that we were going to start to merge our finances together to better be able to afford our "us" life — bills, the house, general expenditures… We spend the vast majority of our money on all those things and we had been struggling because we'd been operating as financial islands instead of a cohesive unit. So, I closed my account and moved that money to our bank (a Credit Union) where it happily sits and I realized — I just hit a tipping point. Related Post Who the hell cares: important lessons from partners who aren't as interested in wedding planning One detail that's been plaguing me ever since I bought my dress has been figuring out what I'm going to do with the length. So... Read more Sure, we've got vendors and preliminary guest lists and engagement photos. But, those are not real things in the real world. It's still all conceptual. The engagement photos were fun to have taken, but there's no way it felt "real" in the sense of "holy fuck we're getting married and spending the rest of our lives together." Moving the money, though… that did. And it hit me like a punch to the gut. The next piece of the two DNA strands clicked into place in the zip-tie zygotic process. It's the part that ensures the relationship can breathe and have a heart beat. Before this point, it was more the sprouting of arm buds. It was a floating mass that looked like it could be a human, but also a fish, shrimp, or it could become a cat, dog, monkey, ocelot or woolly mammoth. At the moment where the money was moved and my account was closed, I suddenly felt the simultaneous chill and warmth, like a Bayou winter, of coming into real adulthood. No more talking about the "what ifs." We are going to give birth to the rest of our lives. Guest post written by Rorsun1 Planning a budget, partially DIY, queer wedding at a great, old, rustic former farm house in Massachusetts. We love food and decorations in terms of our separate interests, but together we're into history and museums. http://queerwed.blogspot.com PREVIOUS The backyard is the new ballroom: Offbeat Bride on simple weddings in the New York Times NEXT Angi & Erik's upcycled country barn wedding Show/Hide comments [ 5 ] That's a fantastic analogy! I love it! Reply We are going to give birth to the rest of our lives. Love this! Reply This took my breath away. So well written. And so true!!! Thank you for sharing! Reply My fiancé and I just did the same thing and I was surprised at how much it affected me. This is such a wonderful and comforting post. Thank you. Reply Not only do I absolutely love this but I have feel the same way. So much so that that necklace in the picture is actually the necklace that I will be wearing on my wedding day, along with the matching earrings. =) Reply Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.