From the duct tape to muglies: all the little ways Offbeat Bride shaped my wedding

Guest post by FoodBoxLady
Smooches for the Offbeat Bride book and website from Foodboxlady!

My hands and sore and crampy and it's not from compulsive blogging. It's from trimming about a ga-gillion yards of tulle off of my too-long wedding dress. The same wedding dress that is hanging off the dress-form that I just made out of duct tape, thanks to the handy dandy DIY tutorial. I am doing alternations myself after comparing prices with other Tribe members and realizing the quotes I was getting were far too high.

Offbeat Bride has been the inspiration for lots of things…

Like buying “muglies” (thanks Ariel for a kicking book!) for my self-catered reception. To wear shoes I have worn before. To make my own invitations, and to find wording for those invitations that don't make me want to barf. After a frustrating search for a wedding gown complete with nasty shop clerks, Offbeat Bride encouraged me to buy my wedding dress online, with other offbeat brides on the Tribe who gave me encouragement and commiseration. Everything I needed when I was really stressed out and had no one to talk to was right here.

I am positive that Offbeat Bride has helped my relationship with my fiance. He does not have to listen to me go on and on about something (wedding-related) that is bugging me, because I can vent in the Primal Scream forum on the Tribe. It has also allowed me to read about other similar couples who do not fill gender “norms,” and taught me that whatever is “normal” for us and makes our relationship work, is awesome. I feel more confident in the choices we as a couple make because of the support network Offbeat Bride provides.

I am very very very happy that I am not getting married pre-Offbeat Bride. I looked at a bridal magazine today and, instead of it intimidating me or making me feel bad about my wedding choices, it looked boring and dated. Where are the coloured dress options? Where are the rocking grooms? Where are the excellent budget options for the recession bride? Where are the wicked cool flower alternatives? They aren't there.

Thanks, Offbeat Bride. I don't know how I would get through the next six months of planning without you.

Comments on From the duct tape to muglies: all the little ways Offbeat Bride shaped my wedding

  1. A-frickin-men. So happy I stumbled across Offbeat Bride prior to getting married. And I second the opinion that bridal mags now just look like a boring puree of “everyone’s done this a million times and you should too!”

  2. Agreed! OBB is such a great resource. I love coming to this little corner of the web filled with people who really, truly understand. Along the lines of what you said about wedding magazines…I haven’t looked at a single one besides Real Simple Weddings, and I recently purged quite a few wedding blogs from my reader, because they all seem to reinforce the less-important things.

  3. So totally with you. I don’t know what I’d do without this site, I’ve gotten so many good ideas and let go of so much stress because of it.

  4. Ditto! OBB provided so much inspiration for our wedding, from photos of specific things other people did to discussions on OBT. But I think the BIGGEST thing it did for me was make me feel like weddings could (should?) be fun, awesome, and unique, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. In some ways, the stories of weddings that were NOTHING like what I would have done were just as influential on me, just knowing what a beautiful variety of ways to celebrate getting married there are. It was (and still is!) so refreshing in contrast to the multitude of WIC magazines/blogs which, while pretty and sometimes useful for inspiration, don’t seem to offer much diversity.

  5. I agree! I am so happy I found OffBeat Bride, there needs to be an OffBeat magazine. I only look at bridal magazines now to find the michael’s and joann’s coupons they usually have in them!

  6. I think the biggest thing Offbeat Bride gave me was the knowledge that it was perfectly A-OK to want a wedding that was more personalized to me and my husband rather than something more traditional that wasn’t.

    It made me realize that it wouldn’t look like I didn’t love him or my family or his family if I chose not to bow to traditions that I don’t subscribe to.

    It allowed me to answer people who said, “But it’s your daaayyyyy” with “Um, not really – it’s everyone’s daaayyyy, not just mine.”

    It made it okay to want to make my own invitations, wedding favors and wedding cake – I wasn’t the only one who felt weird paying for these things when I love to bake/make candy/design online art pieces, can do an awesome job at it, had the time and resources to do it, and really wanted these things to be something I made for our friends and family myself.

    It made it okay to not want to spend a fortune on the wedding, or invite people that I’m not particularly close to.

    It made me realize that, even though I was a chubby bride, that I could still be beautiful because I see so many absolutely GORGEOUS brides who I know are the same size I am (honestly, when do you even see chubby brides on the mainstream sites?). Not only do I see ass-kickingly beautiful brides, I see brides who aren’t covering up or hiding their bodies, and that made such a HUGE difference in my own choice of dress. On a related note, it also made it okay that I didn’t crash diet myself into the hospital in a futile attempt to get out of being a chubby bride.

    It made it okay for my #1 priority to be nursing school, not my wedding (most of the time).

    It made me so much stronger against the naysayers (“Wow, is that your ring? It’s…um…cute!” “Wow, a red dress? How weird!” “You’re not walking down the aisle with your Dad? What’d he do?”(the implication being that he must have been a terrible father since I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle, which couldn’t be further from the truth)…and yes, I heard all of these while I was planning my wedding.)

    This knowledge gave me a lovely freedom of choice that I think I wouldn’t have realized that I had otherwise. I cannot express how grateful I am to have been able to see this awesome community of people who don’t do weddings like everyone else who grew up around me did, and are proud as hell of it. My wedding was perfect, and OBB helped make it so by opening up my boundaries, my ideas, and my perspective.

    • Elizabeth,

      YOU ROCK! Everything you said here, I’ve thought to myself while looking through OBB! I love seeing ALL the different gorgeous brides, chubby, glasses, short haired, gender queer, whatever! My definition of beauty is so much broader than what the mainstream media shoves down our throats, and it gets broader every time I see an different kind of beautiful bride on OBB!

      Thanks for not half killing yourself to be an “unchubby” bride! Like I tell the kids, “just be the absolute best version of YOU” that’s what will make you beautiful/special/loved anyways….

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