According to The Knot, I'm 13 months away from my “dream day.” (Butterflies and sparkles and rainbows!) So I should start picking my colors to set the tone for my big day! (Is “drunk” a color?) I should also meet with a wedding planner. (Eh… I've watched The Wedding Planner.) Announce my engagement. (Ermegherd Ferrcberrk!) Envision my wedding style. (How about “Married”?) And start getting in shape. (HAH!)
Lordy. You go to David's Bridal once and suddenly your email inbox is turned into a spammy, weddingy, playground.
This e-mail irked me much more than any other of the countless spam emails I've gotten over the past year. I think it's because it assumes that I, as a bride, inherently want a color scheme, want to do everything the “right” way, and want to be a completely different person on my wedding day. Like I'm some magical nymph that will be swathed in white clouds and borne on a cloud to whisper vows in my true love's ear.
I know that The Knot thinks it's being helpful, and I'm sure it's helped a lot of people — heck, I know it's helped a lot of people. But I'm all set. Really. So, thanks, Knot… you're cute. That's cute, but I've got this. You just sit in a corner and contemplate chair covers while I look up random animal facts to include in our wedding program.