After experiencing an amazingly beautiful moment when my dearest asked me to be his wife, I am now trying to cope with the unexpected loss of my mom, and the deep need to move forward with my wedding.
My mom, who was also my very best friend, passed away on Good Friday. She was 85 and vibrant. She had an amazing social life and a network of very interesting friends. Mom was independent, beautiful, and loving. She was everything I hope to be as I age. Although we all knew she had some heart issues, no one knew that she would leave us this year.
My mom was a constant in my life, she always supported me, and she understood me in ways that no one ever could — that is until I met my partner, Neil. She was thrilled to hear that Neil and I were engaged. When she heard the news, she bought herself and friends a cake and toasted our engagement. Two days before she passed, she was out buying baskets for our wedding gifts. When I arrived in her home for the funeral preparations, I found a note with a list of shopping activities for the wedding — including purchasing votive candles and yarn to tie the decorations to the porch rails of our beach rental.
The question I have been asked constantly since the passing of my mom has been, “are you still getting married this year?” My answer has been emphatically “yes.”
My mom would have wanted this wedding to happen as scheduled. She would want us to be a family. She would want me to be planning the final details and enjoying the celebrations.
I am ten weeks away from the wedding and still receiving sympathy cards while I plan this event. Neil and I have decided on a double ring ceremony, and to honor my mom and my dad we will get married in their claddagh rings — a small tribute to two people who raised me to be the woman I am today.
I have never felt as grown up as I do now. I have never felt so aware of my life decisions and the importance of being a part of a family as I do now. Not having her at the wedding will be painful, but knowing that she was so happy that we were getting married is a beautiful gift. And I keep telling myself that she will be with us in spirit, and that at least she was able to be part of the planning.
This month I am learning balance. How to plan for a wedding to my dearest love and how to say good-bye to my beloved mom.
If you are looking for more balance between wedding planning and mourning your own loss, check out these posts:
Have you lost a loved one during your wedding planning? How are you coping? How are you honoring them at your wedding?