OPEN THREAD: Would you have a weekday wedding?

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10My love has his mind set on getting married on a weekday – that is, on the day of our fifth anniversary, the 1st of April, 2014. A FREAKING TUESDAY!

I would love to get married on our anniversary, it's so meaningful. I know that many of our friends don't have plain regular Mo-to-Fr-9-to-5-jobs and would nevertheless have to schedule a leave day from their jobs (doctors, musicians, and so on). I know that many people will have to travel to attend our wedding and that I would be heartbroken if some can't make it. We're just not the kind of people who would enjoy a wedding ceremony and supper and then go to bed – we love to party, but we don't (he doesn't) want to party on the 36th of Whatnot, as if it were any kind of birthday party or something.

Would you have your wedding on a weekday? Would you, as a guest, attend a wedding on a weekday? -restlesshedonist

Ooh, we love this idea — and in fact Offbeat Bride has a whole archive of midweek weddings! That said, there certainly are some special considerations, including travel and partying.

We'd love to hear from those of you who had or are planning midweek weddings — did you get many guests saying they couldn't come? Did you party late into the night even though it was a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday?

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Comments on OPEN THREAD: Would you have a weekday wedding?

  1. My best friend got married on a Thursday, and had it as a “destination” wedding almost 2 hours outside of Portland, OR. It was actually just fine for her out-of-town guests, as they figured they would fly in on Wednesday night and travel up on Thursday. It was harder for their in-town (i.e. Portland) friends who were more in the wedding, as they hadn’t really expected needing to take part of Wednesday, all of Thursday (and some took Friday, to recover) off for the wedding.

  2. We had ours just a couple weeks ago on a Tuesday. It was fine. Everyone who wanted to be there was there, but we also had a bigger reception on Saturday at our house.

  3. We took off to Nashville for a vacation (and to see the Bad Books/Harrison Hudson show June 30th) and decided in planning the vacation to get married while we were up there. Got married last Monday and are having a party for a family and friends in a couple weeks. I have anxiety about having a bunch of people staring at me, so this worked great. Was able to have the fun/cheap trip and wedding I wanted but still party with people after.

  4. If you want that to be your anniversary, a date you will think of, rather significantly, at least a few times a year for the rest of your lives together, do what many people have suggested and have a small ceremony that day—small, not “supposed to be small and it ballooned out of control”— and then have your celebration on a weekend.

    You could also informally poll the people for whom you think a weekday wedding would pose real problems. Get an idea of what kind of loss, guestwise, you’d be looking at. A lot of them will probably be close family/friends so I’m guessing you would be less concerned with formalities than you are about making sure they could be there.

    That being said, weekday or not, concurrent big events or not (a friend of mine’s fiance chose the weekend of the Chicago marathon, oops,) whatever, people may not be able to come. We’ve had declines from a few people I was 100% sure would be at our wedding. We’ve had a few people I could have sworn would be psyched to be there act like they are just not that into us. I’ve also had some people I almost didn’t invite say they will not only be there, they are treating it like the event of the century.
    You never can tell with people. And there are going to be so many times, in life, not just your wedding but DAMN is it obvious in wedding planning, when you have to do what is best for you and just make it as pleasant as possible for the people around you. You should have the anniversary you want, the wedding you want, on the day you want, with the people you love around you. If you hit 75% or better on 75% of those things, you’re doing great.

  5. We got married on a Tuesday, a week before Christmas. Our ceremony was in the morning, followed by a wedding breakfast, for the most immediate of our friends and family. We had an open house style reception that night for the larger group. Those who could make it did, which was the vast of majority the people we really wanted to be there, because it was as important to them as it was to us. We had a few surprising no-shows, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. We had to work our schedule around traveling back to our home states (yes, plural), semester breaks, work, and Christmas, and that was just between myself and my now husband. Everyone else just worked with us once we announced our date. It worked out really well. We aren’t the party late into the night type anyway, so we were out of there around 8:30-9, and our guests, mostly the same close family that had been with us all day, pitched in to clean up after. It worked out incredibly well.

  6. We got married on a Friday morning, our rehearsal was Thursday at noon, and about 7 people just showed up Wednesday morning because they wanted to help us get the house ready. It was a much bigger turn out than I expected, and no one groused to me about the dates (which isn’t to say it wasn’t happening). Before settling on Friday morning, we had a serious talk with our parents and grandparents to see if they thought it would cause any issues; No one could think of any, so we did what worked for us. Midweek may be more challenging than an ‘extended weekend,’ but ultimately only you can decide if the date/day is worth the challenge.

    Choosing a weekend over a weekday is no guaranty that people will be able to come. In the last three years, I have missed out on three weddings that I wish I could have attended – and all of them were on weekends.

  7. I agree with everything everyone has said, and the only thing I might add is maybe on your wedsite or through word of mouth say something like “We know for some it may be difficult to attend our weekday wedding, but it really worked best for our budget/sick mother/anniversary date. Please know it means so much to us to have you there! If you can’t make it, you will surely be there in spirit and we’ll celebrate with you soon”.

    I went to a Friday wedding that said something along those lines on the website and I thought it was hard to be too upset with the hosts when they say something sweet like that.

  8. I have the same problem. Our special day is the 22nd of October, which this year, just so happens to land on a Tuesday. So our solution (since it will be school time, and out of state family have with school aged children) is to have the wedding the Saturday before. However, we’ll still use the 22nd for aniversaries and the like.

  9. My wedding is on a Friday. We actually have a pretty good excuse. Our venue is a castle, and the only date they had available for 2013 was a Friday (okay, there was a second available Friday, but that seemed like too much info to pass around word of mouth). We are also in a vacation hotspot. It is because it is a Friday that we decided to pay for Save the Dates even though so many people advised against it knowing how small our budget is. We figured that the sooner we can let people know, the better. So far, the only responses we have gotten back (after the initial “Oh!”) are people saying they’re going to arrange things for work so they can come out, and some have even booked their hotel rooms already even though we haven’t started looking at hotel blocks yet.

    Financially there hasn’t been any difference for us since Friday is that weird weekday and weekend day. However, planning this inside of 4 months, we’re finding that almost all the vendors we want are available.

    I’ve only been invited to 1 weekday wedding and it was also a Friday. It was at a beach in another state, so it also would have required half a day’s travel for us. It was for my fiance’s cousin. They weren’t close, so my fiance decided not to go (his work is extremely stingy with vacation time). His mother’s work is like mine with liberal leave, and his stepdad works from home, so they went and had a good time.

    It really boils down to whether people can take leave from work, and whether they think it’s worth it. Being a vacation area probably helps…

  10. We got married on a Friday (it was our three year anniversary) and it was awesome. People didn’t stay as late as we would have liked them to, seeing as some of them had to work in the morning or the next day (yay retail!), but it was still the perfect day. If people really want to be there, they will be, no matter what. I say rock the Tuesday!

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