OPEN THREAD: Would you have a weekday wedding?

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10My love has his mind set on getting married on a weekday – that is, on the day of our fifth anniversary, the 1st of April, 2014. A FREAKING TUESDAY!

I would love to get married on our anniversary, it's so meaningful. I know that many of our friends don't have plain regular Mo-to-Fr-9-to-5-jobs and would nevertheless have to schedule a leave day from their jobs (doctors, musicians, and so on). I know that many people will have to travel to attend our wedding and that I would be heartbroken if some can't make it. We're just not the kind of people who would enjoy a wedding ceremony and supper and then go to bed – we love to party, but we don't (he doesn't) want to party on the 36th of Whatnot, as if it were any kind of birthday party or something.

Would you have your wedding on a weekday? Would you, as a guest, attend a wedding on a weekday? -restlesshedonist

Ooh, we love this idea — and in fact Offbeat Bride has a whole archive of midweek weddings! That said, there certainly are some special considerations, including travel and partying.

We'd love to hear from those of you who had or are planning midweek weddings — did you get many guests saying they couldn't come? Did you party late into the night even though it was a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday?

Comments on OPEN THREAD: Would you have a weekday wedding?

  1. As someone who missed a good friend’s wedding last year because I could not ask for the time off of work, I would say don’t do it unless your guest list is very small, or you run with a crew of people who have flexible jobs. In my case, the wedding was on the other side of the country, and I would have had to take off two days to make it work. I work seasonal jobs, and although I can ask for time off later in the season, it is considered bad form to request days off early in the season.
    Sometimes it does not matter if they love you and want to be there, they simply cannot take time off work.

  2. I would go to a weekday wedding for a VERY close friend and I wouldn’t be happy about it. I wouldn’t go for a relative or some friend I’m not that close to.
    It means asking for a day off for the wedding, and usually a second one if you stay late to party, or if you live far away, or if you simply don’t want to get back to work tired. And asking for days off may be awkward for some people, or make their bosses distrust them.

  3. I think it’s probably very similar to planning a destination wedding; you just accept at the beginning that fewer people are going to make it. Not because they don’t love or support you, or that they don’t care enough, but that they just can’t do it. I mean, that’s always the case, even with a Saturday evening wedding. Some people, whether because of travel or cost or other things, just won’t be able to make it, no matter how much they want to be there. So it’s sort of up to the couple to discern how much they can accommodate their guests’ lifestyles, and when to just say “fuck it, we’re having it when we want.”

  4. We got married on a Wednesday. And yeah, not everyone could come. But we made sure immediate family had plenty of time to schedule time off work, so they were able to be there. And, um, I wasn’t bothered at all by the people who couldn’t make it…there seemed to be plenty enough people there as it was!

    Also, we had a late morning wedding followed by an evening reception. That may not suit everyone, but it made it more possible for people who couldn’t come to the wedding for whatever reason to make it to the reception. Plus, we got naptime in between!

  5. I didn’t have mine on a weekday, but I can say that I was once invited to one held on a Tuesday, and it really sucked that my husband and I couldn’t go. I had classes AND work, and he had classes. Maybe if he’d done it in the evening… no, I’m not sure even that would have worked.

    I had a couple of other friends have the wedding and reception on different days – that was kinda neat. It was a very intimate ceremony – only maybe 15 of us or so, and it was a sunset beach wedding. Then, later in the week, they had a big party with dancing, etc. We were invited to the ceremony, but I’m sure the people who weren’t didn’t mind with the big party they WERE invited to. That might be an option!

    In the end, though, you still gotta do whatever makes YOU happy, and forget the rest. I will say that we wanted to elope on Halloween and ended up having to pick October 30th because the courthouse ceremony would have cost double on the 31st, being a Saturday. To this day, we still refer to our anniversary as Halloween – the one day off doesn’t make any difference in our heads. So sometimes the ACTUAL date doesn’t matter so much. 🙂

  6. When my cousin got married he and his fiance had a date that was significant to them that fell on a Friday and a Friday wedding wasn’t going to work for them. They went to the courthouse on the day they wanted and got married then on Saturday had a beautiful personalized ceremony and reception.

    My sister in-law got married on a weekday and since she lived in a different state we weren’t able to get enough time off of school/work to go. It was a few years ago and I still feel bad about missing it!

    I think it comes down to what your priorities are.

  7. For myself, if I miss a day’s work, I just lose the income. I’m at a point in my life where that’s not the end of the world–if I really wanted to go to a wedding, I’d “make it work” as the other posters said. But at other points, I’ve missed weddings because I couldn’t cover travel, hotel, gift, and lost work hours. That’s not lack of love for my friends–that’s a bank account balance, pure and simple. Honestly, my friendships didn’t suffer because I wasn’t there–but it was still sad that I couldn’t be.

  8. I have some good friends who got married on a weekday, and I must say that for your guests, especially those who have to travel, this will be incredibly difficult. Remember that if you have out-of-town guests, you are asking them to take a day off work before and after the wedding for travel. The best way to minimize this inconvenience is to choose a weekend. My friend had more no’s than expected, and she was very disappointed by that.

    That said, I did go to that friend’s wedding, and some of your loved ones will too, even if you choose a Tuesday! However, based on my utter exhaustion and frustration with the experience, I have some tips if you decide you must go with a Tuesday. (But if you can avoid it, don’t. Your guests will thank you!)
    -Spend a TON of time with your guests! If they’re coming in from out of town in the middle of the week, plan at least one activity besides the wedding during which you can hang out and shower them with love and appreciation, because they have seriously earned it!
    -Make it as seamlessly welcoming as possible! Make sure there’s plenty to eat and drink, lots of seating, and music or entertainment. Be sure to think about your guests’ comfort when planning the day – is it indoors or outdoors? Will it be cold or hot? Consider offering sunscreen and water for outdoor ceremonies, and keep them under half an hour unless there’s shade for your guests. For indoor festivities, make sure there are enough quiet spaces for your less party-oriented folks to have a good time.
    -Work extra, extra hard to get good deals on hotels, camp grounds, group rental houses, or whatever else you can find. If you can set up a shuttle bus, or get an uncle to drive a van, so much the better.

  9. We just got married a few weeks ago the Tuesday after Memorial Day. It was half the cost. We wanted to do it Memorial Day, but the venue was unavailable so we checked with a few of our nearest and dearest and decided on the Tuesday. Most of our out-of-town friends have flexible jobs, and the local friends and family could come because it was 4-11pm. Some people left early but the out-of-towners parties hard through the night with us. It also was helpful to have a long weekend before the ceremony for the bridal shower and rehearsal. We didn’t get too much flak for choosing the Tuesday. We just knew that some people wouldn’t be able to come. Surprisingly, most people who were invited came.

  10. We’re getting married on a Tuesday. My FH works for horrible people who would not give him a weekend off to get married. I realize that lots of people work Monday through Friday jobs, but not everyone gets weekends off either. I worked retail for many years, and I almost never had even a single weekend day off unless I asked for it well in advance. So yeah, a weekday wedding might be inconvenient for some of your guests, but for others it might be the thing that allows them to come. We’re getting married on a Tuesday in November, with only a handful of guests anyway, so that’s easier than working with a full guest list, and we notified all our guests well in advance so that they could plan to take the time off; so far, nobody has had a problem. Getting married on Tuesday is the only way that we can realistically have a wedding and a couple of days off for a tiny “honeymoon” trip to the beach. You have to do what you have to do, sometimes, and trust that the people who really matter will find a way to be there for you. There might be some that you’ll be super disappointed won’t make it, but then that can happen with a weekend wedding, too.

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