Tera & Bret's casual literary DIY wedding • Offbeat Wed (was Offbeat Bride)

The offbeat bride: Tera, leader in service (Tribe member)

Her offbeat partner: Bret, aspiring author

Location of wedding: Pierce County Environmental Services Building, University Place, WA — February 18, 2010

What made our wedding offbeat: We were handfasted in a small elopement-type ceremony in the abandoned construction zone where we had our first real date.

We spent less than $3000 total on everything, including the handfasting and the deposits and catering expenses that later got refunded. We made all of our choices based on what we wanted, not what would save the most money, and then found a way to get what we wanted on the cheap.

We started off planning by figuring out what was most important to us, then going from there. For me, it was making sure the day was captured, recycling everything we could decor-wise, and buying green products — so that was where most of our budget went. For Bret, it was a lack of flowers and/or floral decorations.

We had a literary theme because we both love to read.

Other unique features of our wedding included our attire, our unity tree planting, our custom Jones Soda, and carrot wedding cake made by my aunt.

We read our wedding ceremony from our Kindle, had a girl groomsman, and walked out of the ceremony to Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta.

I also have blue hair and didn't wear shoes.

Tell us about the ceremony: We had a handfasting and a tree planting.

Our handfasting was different from most in that we had an initial handfasting a year and three days before the wedding as a trial marriage, and then were handfasted again at the wedding to make it official.

We had a tree planting instead of a unity candle because unity candles have never really made sense to us. Our unity tree also doubled as the guest book.
We read “Tree of Love” by Sandra E. McBride:

From the seed of this day,
Let their love grow
As the tree grows,

Reaching down to build
Strong roots,

Reaching up, to seek
the grace of God.

Let their love grow
As the tree grows,
Deeper, wider, stronger
With each passing year.

Our biggest challenge: We had a lot of challenges in the two years we were engaged; some of those challenges we shared, whereas others, we needed to face individually.

My biggest individual challenge was definitely trying to keep things in perspective during the planing. When is too much DIY? How many favors is too many?

Bret's biggest challenge in our planning was figuring out what to do. It was really hard for him to jump in. In the end though, he was really glad he helped throughout all of the planning, because then he knew where everything went on the day of the wedding and could set up without me.

On the actual day of the wedding, our biggest challenge was that the caterer never showed. Yep. Never actually attended the wedding. I emailed her and she said my wedding “slipped through the cracks.”

My favorite moment: Some moments that were the most meaningful to us were the traditional things that we ended up keeping. My dance with my father was really meaningful to both of us, along with the cake cutting, and my father giving me away.

The overall most meaningful thing during the ceremony was our tree planting. We had just been handfasted, and so our hands were bound. We struggled the tree out of its original pot and then went to re-pot it. Upon starting, we saw that the scissors weren't at the altar to cut open the bag. I asked the crowd if anyone had any scissors, and the best man pulled out a knife and cut the bag open. After we finished planting it, the maid of honor watered the tree for us. In our wedding, in what was supposed to be “our moment,” we showcased our strong support community.

My funniest moment: During our ceremony, it was scripted for Bret and I to put our hands on each other's hearts. Bret hesitated, nervously contemplating which side my heart was on. It looked to everyone else like he hesitated because my corset made my boobs outrageous, so everyone started laughing.

Was there anything you were sure was going to be a total disaster that unexpectedly turned out great? Not especially. We honestly had so much time to plan that by the time the wedding came around, we knew things would turn out fine. In the last few days before the wedding, everyone kept asking why we were so relaxed. I'd tell them that we'd already done everything we could do, and so now it was up to everyone else to handle their shit.

I wasn't sure the programs would get finished, but I knew that if they did, they'd be fucking amazing. We stayed up together all night finishing them, but we had fun doing it and got to spend some time together when we needed it most.

My advice for offbeat brides: Advice from Bret: Involve your husband-to-be! Despite a probable reluctance, or a personal inclination to do everything your own way, it's really nice to work together on it, to find out what things you agree on, and what you might not. And then, when all is said and done, it's cool for both sides of the union to see the little bits of their child in the decorations, location, colors, outfits, and anywhere else that may shine through.

What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? That even though it's cool to do what you want, other people can give you good ideas too. Listen to them.

Also, call all of your vendors on the day-of so that your caterer doesn't ditch you, too.