Wedding planning getting you down or feeling overwhelming? You might to exchange these wedding planning vows with Offbeat Bride Brigitte.
I promise not to let Other People get me down about the decisions my partner and I have made.
I promise not to hold anger toward my partner as if he is “making” me do any of this myself. If I choose to open 200+ tabs with Save the Date designs and crash my computer, rather than pinning them, or figuring out a way to narrow my choices, by all means that is my own decision. Certainly, if after all that I need a drink, I can but ask nicely and not as if he owes me one.
I promise to accept the fact that my seemingly-hetero-normative marriage will draw out all kinds of misogynistic, sexist, overly-traditional, and downright stupid comments from people about The Way Things Are Done. I will try to re-direct and re-frame these ideas with as much grace as I can muster in such a way as to not alienate my community, but also to use that position of privilege to better my community whenever possible by telling people where they can stick their gender roles. I mean… *sigh* by gently reminding people that not everyone subscribes to the same set of beliefs or traditions.
I promise to understand that it is not my responsibility to be the light in the dark of a bleak situation. Just because people want to talk about my wedding to distract themselves from the reality of watching their loved one barrel toward death does not mean I HAVE to talk about my wedding to lighten the mood. I promise to understand that if I do choose to open up about wedding planning I am opening myself up to conversations I don't want to have, and that I am allowed to re-direct to other topics. I also promise to understand that if I choose not to talk about the details of my wedding, I am going to have to be the one to find something pleasant and light to talk about instead. And I promise not to feel guilty myself or allow my partner to feel guilty about being excited for our wedding even as his dad lies on his deathbed. Because life is full of joys and sorrows, and usually at the same time.
I promise to love my body, and to let my partner tell me how beautiful I look in my wedding dress. I also promise not to compromise my choice of dress out of a misguided sense of worthlessness due to my rolls or double chin. I promise to stop trying to get out of hiring a photographer “because it's too expensive” just because I'm embarrassed to be seen in pictures. Instead I will hire a photographer who is skilled at making my fabulous voluptuousness look as beautiful as I feel when I see myself through my partner's eyes. And I will work to see the image of me that he sees when his eyes light up to see me awake every morning.
I promise to take a break from wedding stuff when I need to, and to lean on my community more than I am generally comfortable doing. I will work with my partner to find a balance between my overpowering “need” for self-sufficiency, and his overwhelming “need” to crowdsource every activity. I promise to be gentle with myself when not finding that balance feels like failure, and to remind myself that it is a work in progress.
Finally, I promise to enjoy my partner as much and as often as possible. I promise to touch his butt more, and to kiss his face even when his mustache is full of water. I promise to love on myself as much as possible, masturbate as often as I want to, and soak in the hot tub whenever I feel like it. Even — no, ESPECIALLY if it's drizzling outside.