Trying to recreate our caketopper

The offbeat bride: Kim, healthcare administrator (and Tribe member)

Her offbeat partner: Bix, architect

Location & date of wedding: San Pedro Chapel, Tucson AZ — October 28, 2010

What made our wedding offbeat: We got married on a Thursday evening by a friend (who is a member of our weekly wine tasting group more commonly known as the S.H.I.T.s or So Happy It's Thursday) who got ordained especially to marry us. The ceremony had no religious references and we wrote it ourselves and included vows promising to provide adequate bookshelf (I'm a voracious reader) and vinyl (he's a serious music collector) space. We also promised until death or vine-rot do us part, which referenced our love of wine and the fact that we met at the wine tasting.Me and my maids of awesomeness

I wore a turquoise silk tea length dress with black lace, and my maids of awesomeness wore unmatching black dresses and shoes. We carried books that I had wrapped in ribbons, flowers, and Catrina ornaments. Bix and the groom's guys all wore unmatching suits with custom Dia de los Muertos silk ties and sparkly luchador bouts we made.

My reception shoes (SQUEE)There were no fresh flowers –- all the flowers were handmade by me with help from Bix and my maids. We had crepe paper roses for the chapel altar in talavera vases. The chapel entrance was festooned with hand-colored tissue paper carnations strung on a turquoise ribbon, and the dancing ramada was hung with giant, Mexican, tissue-paper, fiesta flowers and fairy lights.

We registered at only two places — Cata Vinos (the place where we met) for wine and Bohemia for art. We wanted to support our friends' businesses and keep as much of our wedding money locally as we could. And boy, did we get the wine and art! Yeah for friends who follow instructions!

The Luchador BoutsWe walked into the intro to “India” by Roxy Music and out to “I Feel Good” by James Brown. I walked myself down the aisle with Bix meeting me half way.

We had no bouquet toss, no garter toss, and no family dances. We had two first dances, because they were both important songs to us and had seven wedding cakes. The only traditional element was the fact that we did indeed get married!

Bix escorting me to the front of the chapel before the ceremony begins

Ushers reporting for dutyTell us about the ceremony: We actually wrote most of the ceremony via email to each other — even though we live together. One of us would find a reading we liked or a quote and would email it to the other. I pasted them into a master document and then manipulated all the bits and pieces and would email the draft to Bix. He would make his edits and changes and pass it back. It was difficult to find things that addressed more mature love (no puppy dogs and unicorns and rainbows for us) without sounding too dreary — it is a wedding after all. Our officiant did the final touches and added some levity.

Ring exchange

Getting ready to start.  Custom papel picado and pew bows by MomBix can be really emotional and we both figured that the two of us would have a difficult time holding it together during our vows. Amazingly, once we got up there, Bix looked at me and held my gaze for the entire ceremony. He was my steadying influence. I had to stop and ask him for a tissue, but he was solid. Later, he told me that he just knew that he was meant to be there in that place at that time, making his vows to me and it was so right. It was as if we were in our own private world, and it is one of my most cherished memories.

Just Married!

The Rememberance AltarOur biggest challenge: Bix's mom was diagnosed with stage IV cancer two months before the wedding and passed away three weeks after the diagnosis. Before she passed away, she had written a song for us that she wanted sung at the wedding. At the time she gave it to us, it was no problem, but after she was gone it became an emotional minefield.

Bix didn't want to be standing in front of ninety people when his mom's song came on. It wasn't really a reception song and we didn't want to play it pre-ceremony, because it deserved more honor than that. We decided to play it after we finished our toasts and before we started dinner.

The awesome Tryst playing the song Bix's mom wrote for usBix's sister gave a toast to her mom and introduced the song. Our musicians, the incredible Keli and Taylor of The Tryst, did a special arrangement of the song (“Trystified” as they called it.) Miraculously, they were able to give what was written as a hymn an upbeat “Tryst Twist” and it was fantastic and a fitting tribute to a great woman.

Bix & Kim pre-ceremony

The Ox Brothers ReduxMy favorite moment: Bix and I changed at home and drove ourselves to the wedding site. We were running late and I was helping him with his shirt collar and tie and he was helping me get my jewelry fastened and everything was a bit of a rush. On the drive to the wedding site, Bix grabbed my hand and told me that although he had seen me look extremely beautiful on other occasions, I had never looked more beautiful and more radiant than I did at that moment. We both teared up. It was really the first time in a few days that we really had a quiet moment to ourselves, and once we were dressed and heading to the chapel, we finally realized that this day was here and happening.

Skull journals with ribbon, flowers & Catrina ornaments

Sugar skull tealights for the reception tablesMy advice for offbeat brides: Try not to get overwhelmed. We only had four and a half months from engagement to wedding with some serious unexpected family issues to deal with in the middle. I finally had to breakdown my lists into what absolutely had to get done for the wedding to happen (get the marriage license and officiant!), what were the things that were most important for us to have (writing a personal and meaningful ceremony and having great wine and music), and what could be left out if we ran out of time (who cares about a fancy schmancy wedding cake — we had pan dulce and seven Italian cream cakes). We made it through the first two lists and actually got through most of the third and everything turned out beautifully.

One big happy goofy family

Our custom topper with us and our 2 dogsHave you been married before and if so, what did you do differently? I've been married before, but Bix has not. My first marriage was when I was in my twenties and I was more concerned about how things looked than how things felt. This time it was extremely important to us that we be able to convey to our guests the right atmosphere — the right vibe about who we were as a couple.

Every decision about the wedding was made with “does this have the right feel to it” rather than “does this have the right look to it.” And everyone totally got it and got us. The most overheard comment all evening was “This wedding is so completely the two of you.”

Our first dance to "At Last" - and then our second first dance to "Dance Me to the End of Love"

My ceremony shoesWhat was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? We faced a number of really stressful situations, totally unrelated to the wedding planning process, during our short planning time. I had a few major (and a lot of minor) meltdowns and it made me realize how completely accepting Bix is of me and all my nit-picking, stressed out, irrational, crazy woman ways. And we got through it and had an amazing wedding and an even stronger relationship because of it.

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?

Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!

Comments on Kim & Bix’s Dia de los Muertos, elegant, fiesta wedding

  1. I LOVE this wedding. The two of you wonderfully incorporated yourselves into the whole affair. I am impressed and inspired.

  2. Wine and art = Genius! Kim I’m so pleased for you and Bix! I followed your wedding the whole way and I think it’s a great tribute to your hard work to see your wedding featured! I love how supportive you have been of all the tribe, especially when you clearly had a tough time of things during your planning. Thank you for sharing all of your love and advice, the tribe is lucky to have you and Bix is even luckier! I’m so happy for you both! xoxoxo

    Congratulations and best wishes from Adam and Marina

    • I so hope you are going to submit your wedding — it was all kinds of amazing. And I so appreciated your kind words of support during the planning proces. It meant a lot to me when things were getting tough.

  3. Oh, yay! Like many people have said, I was excited to see this wedding featured on here. My heart was with you through so much of what you were going through and I’m so glad to see that it all turned out beautifully. You’ve really got it together lady! ..and also so glad that there was such a sweet way to honor Bix’s mom at the reception.

    • Thanks Maureen! Just realized that you got married on the same day that Bix proposed to me – so almost date twins!

  4. This is awesome! Kim and Bix, you look just wonderful, and I can feel your love radiating all the way through my computer screen. 🙂
    You do, indeed, look radiant and beautiful!

    Bix, I’m so sorry about your Mum. However, including her song in your wedding was such a beautiful and fitting tribute. I’m sure she’d have been very proud of you both- and was there in spirit. 🙂

    I wish you all the best for the years ahead. 🙂

    • Thanks Ezza! Bix’s nephew said it best when he said that Grandpa and Nana were dancing together and watching our wedding from afar. We certainly felt them with us in spirit.

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