My barn wedding is not a unique and special snowflake… and that’s okay!
I fancy myself an individual. I mean, I reckon we all do. And while no one has been shaped by the same life events I have, the concept of truly being “unique” is one that we rest a lot of importance on. I always figured I wouldn’t have a “typical” wedding. I’m a modest, geeky, tomboy of a girl, and I felt a good guideline for planning a wedding would be incorporating things that make me happy. I didn’t know jack about weddings when I started out planning for all this. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the things that make me happy also make other people happy.
Not every wedding choice has to “mean something”
I see this attitude a lot, about weddings, where everything is “supposed to mean something.” Before we got engaged, I had this grand notion that every little choice that we made about our wedding was going to be somehow representative of us. Now I can’t imagine doing that without going crazy from the stress.
When your culture is counter-culture: Lovingly explaining your more traditional wedding choices
Offbeat Bride has some wonderful, “Thank you for your interest but I’ve already decided” conflict resolution posts that apply to pretty much anything. But here are some specific scenarios if you, like me, find yourself a little bit too onbeat for others’ likings.
Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away
Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…
Everyone else is doing it: A wedding trend perspective
I started searching online and found all these great ideas: mercury glass candle holders, stacks of books for centerpieces, stationary with those cool old brackets on it, lanterns, library card escort cards — and ran with it. I was so happy that we were doing things that felt like us and not just the same old cookie-cutter wedding stuff that we had seen throughout our twenties. It felt amazing. Until we realized that everyone else was doing it, too.
Oh Noes, I Think My Wedding Will Be Normal!
You may think I’m crazy since our wedding was actually pretty darn offbeat and unique. But it didn’t really feel that offbeat, and I was wondering if I should be concerned. I saw all these seriously amazing weddings on Offbeat Bride and the Tribe and I wanted to be among that crowd. Then I realized that the fact that it felt normal was awesome. It actually meant we were doing it right.