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Pronouns & assumptions: Gay wedding etiquette rules every guest should follow

Maybe you're a seasoned pro at attending same-sex weddings or maybe they're a new concept for you, and you don't want to be responsible for any awkwardness on someone's wedding day. It's easy to fall prey to a faux pas when it comes to saying the right things. Understand that the basics, love and respect, remain the same for both straight and LGBTQ weddings.

Here are six gay wedding etiquette rules that will make you the couple's favorite…

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I am planning a pre-invitation survey to get a guest list headcount. Will this work?

I have been scouring all the posts and comments threads about RSVPs and guest lists, and haven't seen an answer to a tricky question. How do you deal with guest list ambiguity when you live in an extremely expensive area, 2/3 of your desired invites are from out of town, and venues require guaranteed minimums on catering?

Is it over okay to make a survey for your friends and family to gauge best-guesses for will they/won't theys for a wedding a year and a half or two years away?

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Do I need to invite someone's adult daughter to my intimate wedding?

My sister wants us to invite her boyfriend's adult daughter to our wedding, even though we've never met her. Her family already accounts for five invitations for her household already.

We have worked so hard to keep our wedding small and intimate and quite frankly don't want a stranger there. Are we being selfish?

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How do we communicate that we sincerely want no wedding gifts?

When it comes to gift-giving, the general consensus among my peers is that you give what you can, if you wish. As far as we're concerned, your presence is present enough — especially considering that we are a bunch of broke Millennials.

My extended family, however, hardcore-believes in tangible gifts. Some of them are sticklers for the traditional (and comfortably middle-class) notion of extensive and expensive gifts at shower, hen party, and wedding. It's generous, but also uncomfortable, at odds with our values, and not always string-free. How can I discourage gifts at my wedding?