12k

"Who's the 'groom' in your lesbian wedding?" Gender stereotypes and assumptions with gay weddings

"So, who's the guy in your relationship?" This question (or versions of it) is one of the more common questions posed to lesbian couples and the most frustrating. The reverse is true of male couples. While most people have posed this question with absolutely no malice or agenda, people in same-sex relationships (including myself) can get kind of huffy about it. That is not always helpful, so lets talk about that question.

3.6k

Who cares who leads? Non-gendered first dance ideas for all

My brother-in-law — who has never danced himself — once told me that it is only natural in dancing that the man leads and the woman follows. Having taught many partner dance classes, from Swing to French Folk, I can tell you that that is completely and utterly untrue. Of course there is nothing wrong with the "man leads, woman follows shuffle"-type first dance, but not every wedding involves one man and one woman. And even for those who do, there are many options beyond the traditional first dance…

10k

Male wedding privilege as seen from a transgender groom's perspective

I have been thinking about the weird privilege I've held as the male-presenting person in this relationship. I believe this is because people want to honor my identity and respect my maleness, yet it feels uncomfortable and untrue… because it erases the fact that those images don't actually fit our queer relationship, and they don't include my trans-ness.