My future mother-in-law has decided that she is throwing me a bridal shower. My wording there is intentional — she did not ask if I wanted one, she did not ask if my bridespeeps were throwing me one (they’re not, because they know I don’t want one), she Just Decided.
For many reasons, I’ve tried to be polite and just say “no thanks,” but she’s insisting.
I have no interest in this event, although I realize that it is very nice of her to offer to throw me one. How do I get out of this?
Ug. This is a post no one wants to write, but that definitely needs to be written. Unfortunately, for a whole bunch of legitimate reasons ranging from addiction to abuse, crime to communication problems, some of you are going to face the challenge of not inviting certain family members (or ANY family members) to your wedding.
Being on the wild end of the offbeat spectrum does confer certain disadvantages and benefits. You’ve gotten really good at deflecting or ignoring criticism, maintaining internalized self worth, and just generally saying NO. NO to feeling bad about yourself, NO to apologizing for your choices, NO to altering your life to suit the preferences of others. NO is a goddamn survival skill. This is fucking invaluable as shit when wedding planning.
All of my anxieties about my mother scrutinizing my weight all through the engagement process (“No wedding dresses are going to look attractive on you if you don’t lose a good 40 pounds!”) makes me almost not want to get married at all. How do I deal with it? How do I tell her to back off without pissing her off or giving her a brush-off answer?
So your relationship status has changed from “in a relationship” to “engaged” and now all of Facebook is chiming in to say “congrats!” Even what’s-her-face commented that she “can’t wait for the wedding!” But… you never even planned to invite her.
How can you make your needs clear without steamrolling other people’s concerns and comfort levels? How can you say no without stomping a high-rise?