Your wedding is tacky #Philosophizing#WTF!?#manifestos#social anxiety#tacky Updated Apr 28 2020 (Posted Jul 31 2008) Ariel arielmstallings "You're tacky" mug available on Etsy I am officially decreeing myself done with the word "tacky." It's a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world! People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There's muttering over etiquette: "I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?" brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night. I'm here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY. Because you see, "tacky" is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky! There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it's tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it's tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it's tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky. …This website? TACKY! Related Post My crop top wedding dress will not be timeless… and that's totally okay During my current brief stint in the apocalyptic landscape that is the contemporary wedding industry, an insidious pressure has latched itself onto my consciousness. The... Read more I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding. Moving forward, I'm decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it's ALL tacky, none of it's tacky and we can finally stop talking about it. Ariel Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and the forthcoming From Shitshow To Afterglow, Ariel Meadow Stallings acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives in Seattle with her son, and if she's not reading or writing books, chances are good that she's dancing or happy-crying. She writes weekly essays for her new publication, The Afterglow. PREVIOUS Marshmallow Peeps wedding centerpiece for a "rather bizarro wedding" NEXT Pink-haired bride with matching ink Show/Hide comments [ 96 ] Next overused into meaninglessness word on the hitlist: Kitsch. Reply One of the most awesome offbeat wedding ideas ever= the armadillo grooms cake in Steel Magnolias, which is red velvet on the inside, so once it's cut it looks like a dead armadillo roadkill. Google it. Reply Very well put. I hope that someone planning a wedding will read it and realize that they should resist the wedding industry machine, as well as well-meaning family and friends to do what THEY want, instead of having a day that follows the rules. Great post! Reply I went to a wedding a couple years ago that had nearly every "tacky" wedding no-no: cash bar, every group participation dance imaginable, bride and groom wore cutoff jean shorts to the reception. And I swear it was one of the most fun weddings I've ever been to. My family still talks about what a good time we all had, because you could just get drunk and do the YMCA and not worry for one second about looking cool. It was a great lesson, and really helped me not get too stressed about my own wedding. Reply Hooray for this post! Reply I always know that when I start to stress about 'ding decisions, I can come here for a pep talk. I LOVE ARIEL! Reply I had to add more after reading the other comments. Like Babe**In**Total**Control of**Herself. I decided that we need to think these through a little more. ** Feel free to add your flavors to these. I just find word play fun.;-) First I will start with RUDE. Really**Uneducated**Dolt**Expressing. OR Rather**Useless**Diminutive**Expression Now for Tacky… Thinking more on these lines. TACK = SHARP, OR SOMETHING THAT DRAWS TOGETHER. SO FOR US TACKY IS A COMPLIMENT! It is a SHARP IDEA that REALLY Draws the whole thing TOGETHER!!! So to them I will say… THANK YOU!!! –Diann… Reply I agree with you whole-heartedly, and I've gotten into trouble on forums for saying something was, ACCORDING TO ME, tacky – or offensive to my own tastes since there really needs to be a firm definition of "tacky". You ask for an opinion, I'm going to give you one. If I think something looks cheap, nasty and generally not to my liking, I'll say so. But in the end, it's YOUR wedding. I wish brides would stop asking for opinions on how things look because it's not up to us, it's up to the people getting married and what THEY like. Our views really don't count. The guests will put up with whatever is arranged because it's not in their control. If you don't want to know what people really think about something, don't ask or rather, don't ask if something is tacky because there are people who will say "Yes, it's tacky and foul and I don't like it" thus inducing tears and hurt feelings in the person foolish enough to ask. Having said that, I would never, EVER, go up to someone and just tell them – my opinion needs to be invited before I dare say anything. Reply Noooooo, Niobe! We can't get rid of "kitsch!" I AM "kitsch!" "Kitsch" is me! I need "kitsch!" My house is decorated in "kitsch," my favorite things are considered "kitsch," and my wedding is going to be overflowing with "kitsch!" We can't ditch the "kitsch!" Reply Kitch is a defense strategy where you can claim to love a thing ironically, because on it's merits alone might set you up for the tacky debate. Just love a thing for what it is, social stigma be damned. Reply ariel – love it. you have no idea how much i needed to hear this! 🙂 Reply Haha! SO true. I couldn't have said it better myself. My fiance and I thrive on tacky. We're the tackiest people around(we have orange carpet, wood paneling and multiple velvet Elvis paintings decorating our house). I know for certain that there will be plenty of other people at my wedding who will be horrified at all of our tackiness. Do I care? Not one bit. Wanna know why? Because that's EXACTLY what we were going for. Tacky! It's our day and we'll be tacky if we want to! 😉 Reply I think this article is wonderful, and this site has helped us avoid running away to elope and planning our wedding, our way. It's refreshing to see wonderful, tacky brides and grooms. My tacky pictures will be posted after my halloween wedding. Reply I'm a bit behind on my OBB reading…but I totally needed to hear this! Thank you Ariel! I would be certifiable if I didn't have this site! Reply I like to call it eclectic and I love it all! Hahah….sure a goth wedding might not be MY style but I adore those who go with what they want….I am sure many will think my tattoos are TACKY but again I choose to think of myself as ECLECTIC….say it with me sisters 🙂 Reply Amen to that! I have decided that my wedding is *mine*. And the groom's obviously. Although my wedding won't be the world most OBB occation, I love reading about OBBs, and I am certainly subscribing to the view that I'll do as I darn well please and screw what everyone else thinks! Reply Thank you for writing this. You're so right, tacky IS in the eye of the beholder. And the next time someone complains that my sleeves/ cupcakes/ food/ decor/ shoes-I'll-wear-again / etc is tacky – that's what I'm going to say. Reply I agree with Samantha's comment. And while I at first did enjoy this blog's celebration of all things unique and offbeat, Ariel's recent increasing blowups on any negative comments is, frankly, off putting. Any post on any subject is going to evoke negative AND positive reactions from people. Freaking out whenever people comment negatively, whether using "tacky" or not, is ITSELF unwelcoming of discussion. I enjoyed this blog because it gave me inspiration for various ideas I could ponder and decide whether to include or exclude them with my wedding. And even though it is MY wedding, I still care what other people think, because this wedding is a celebration for my whole family. They're giving time and money and traveling a long distance to be with me, I want them to have as much fun as possible. So yes, I find value even when people react negatively to different wedding ideas, and I even find value when people use the word "Tacky" Demanding that every comment flower praise on the couple's wedding choices isn't offbeat, it is typical selfish bridal behavior Reply Elizabeth, I totally hear that and it's definitely a balance I struggle with when thinking about offbeat editorial strategy. But ultimately my goal has always been acting as a cheerleader and supporter of nontraditional couples getting married. I've done a lot of critical writing in my career, and it's nice to have OBB be the one place where I'm not reviewing or evaluating or critiquing — just supporting and rallying. There are a lot of wedding websites out there, and I support everyone's right to find the ones that fit with their values and needs — even if (or maybe especially if) offbeatbride.com isn't right for you. Offbeat Bride absolutely is not going to make everyone happy — you may be better served by a site that's less cheerleaderish and more strongly opinionated. Reply […] Mailbag · No comments This question was actually posted as a comment to the "Your wedding is tacky" post, but I think it's important and wanted to highlight it. …While I at first […] Reply […] agree with Ariel of Offbeat Bride's definition of tacky as it refers to weddings (ie; anything that someone else likes but doesn't suit your tastes […] Reply […] School Musical" when the singing commenced … but hey, Ariel, were embracing 'tacky' — tacky rules OK!!!! it was super cute, […] Reply […] OffBeat Bride's article "Your Wedding is Tacky" with me, and it can be read here. (Shout out to my Mom, you've got to read that […] Reply […] favorite foods as snacks and on the buffet. I love Chick-Fil-A. Tacky? Who cares. I also love french fries (love me some potatoes). Mr. Cheese loves chicken pot pies (swear), […] Reply […] did these for my mom, we did not throw ourselved an Engagement Party, not that I think it is tacky to throw yourself and Engagement Party, it is just considered tacky in my mom's circle, so […] Reply […] posted a link to a fabulous, funny, and encouraging article by Offbeat Bride entitled, "Your Wedding is Tacky," which I think sums up my main feeling about the […] Reply […] Of course you can throw your own engagement party. Have a 1-month engagement. Have a 3-year engagement. Have 7 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen (us!). Walk yourself down the aisle. Wear colored shoes. Hell, wear a colored dress if you so choose! Have a full bar. Have a cash bar. Do the hokey pokey AND turn yourself around! But what you shouldnâ€™t do? Worry about what other people may or may not think is tacky. […] Reply […] 2009 Posted by Marisa in reality. trackback So, I've been thinking, and I think I'm tacky. And so is our wedding.Â We're getting married at our home (in the street!), on a super […] Reply Fabulous post – so true. Reply The tackiest thing about my upcoming wedding is that circumstances made it such that we didn't get to have the OB Brid-iest wedding we wanted. It got changed from an awesome Halloween (my birthday) foggy afternoon wedding in a Pacific Northwest Treehouse to an evening backyard Labor Day wedding in North Dakota. We're still pushing away the more traditional expectations of my family, and trying to reconcile ourselves that this one is for the parents~but in my own little dark hole I despair that this will be a tacky wedding—that *I* will find it tacky. I'm hoping, Hoping, HOPING that with a little help from friends and a brother in theatre, that we will transform it into a beautiful day that reflects me and my groom. And no references to tacky will abound. Reply " is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding." LOVE IT Reply The only thing I think is actually tacky is rudeness. Otherwise, it's all fair game. Reply At last, someone who agrees we should do whatever we want! Here in England everything is labelled tacky! Im sick to death of it, we darent do anything. I think its all jealousy! Reply Wow…just wow! I think the groom would look good in one of those T-shirts with a tuxdeo print on the front! Reply Ariel, I love this post. I've already had at least 5 of the things I want to do be referred to as "tacky" at wedding forums I go to. Each time I see it though it's like "so what? I'll have fun!" Like the dollar dance and Cha Cha Slide (my favorite dancing song ever!). Thanks ^^ Reply This is awesome! I'm a wedding caterer/cake maker and I'm referring folks to this blog! Keep tellin' it like it is!! Reply I've always refer to myself and a few others in my family as tack-heads because we are always saying wrong and inappropriate things that are better left unsaid. Reply I so wish I'd known about this site before I got married, I love everything about it. My dad played piano for my wedding (with exception of the music I walked down the aisle to). He told the preacher "You know, I was planning on just walking her down while playing the keytar, but mom said something about making a mockery out of something or other…" He did end up playing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when the groomsmen came down the aisle (my husband was a ball-player). Which our guests started a singalong to. Which I'm pretty sure would be considered by most people to be Ticky-tick-tacky, but I contend was the coolest thing to happen at a wedding ever. Reply I just remembered this blog post yesterday while reading about Ivanka Trump's wedding. In Yahoo Answers, lots of people say wedding registries are tacky, and it left me confused. Then Ivanka, the heiress of one of the richest men on earth, gets married with 3 wedding registries, with items from $10 to more than a thousand dollars. Does that mean that Ivanka was being tacky? (roll eyes) I don't care what others say, I'm going to register for my wedding. It's being practical. It's not like I'm forcing guests to give me gifts… I'm just giving them convenient choices. Reply I had a goth wedding and it was what I wanted. I worked within my budget, had no bills to pay after the wedding & went on a kickin' honeymoon to Ireland. Tacky? Probably. Fun? For Some. Boring? Hell No! People were probably talking about my wedding for years, as opposed to a couple of days. I didn't get married for anybody else. I got married for me!!! But I do love the blog Tacky Weddings. Reply I love this article. I am in the pre-official-engagement-waiting-for-the-ring faze and I am kinda dreading the offical time because I will have to tell my family what I want at my wedding… and she will birth a heifer when she hears about my sparkler filled, no tux, birdcage vailed wedding! The fact I am not getting married in the catholic church will send most of my family into a judgefest… BUT I will simply forward them this tacky ass article and tell them to suck it… in more or less words. <3 Reply THANK YOU SO MUCH. Maybe I can relax now! [At least about that aspect of wedding planning…] =P Reply My sweet daughter is having this problem with her "soon to be" mother-in law as she is planning her wedding so, thank you for this Ariel. I had actually decided to throw my daughter a "tacky' shower and include everything that, up to this point, mom-in-law has deemed "tacky". We're just gonna let her be surprised….and take many pictures…thanks again…. Reply Great Post! Great post! Useful tips for Wedding Planning and beautiful wedding pictures… Thanks for ideas! Reply THANK YOU so much for this post! I continuously keep trying to remind myself of all the tackyness but keep forgetting because theres so much. Its really go to hear theres others like me out there! Warm regards. Reply Read more comments ‹ 1 2 Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. 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