Scientific Romance: Is this the best science fiction wedding reading OF ALL TIME?! #Ceremony Advice#astronomy#atheist#geeky weddings#sci-fi#zombies Posted Jan 4 2021 Offbeat Editors How much do you love these retro sci-fi wedding invitations from Kate Barnes Studio?! An Offbeat Bride reader first brought this poem by author Tim Pratt to our attention way back in 2011. Almost 10 years later, we stumbled upon it and it's still just so freaking perfect for those of you looking for a nerdy, science wedding reading that would feel great at a science-minded geeky wedding, or space or astronomy-themed wedding or even an atheist wedding… Scientific Romance by Tim Pratt If starship travel from our Earth to some far star and back again at velocities approaching the speed of light made you younger than me due to the relativistic effects of time dilation, I’d show up on your doorstep hoping you’d developed a thing for older men, and I’d ask you to show me everything you learned to pass the time out there in the endless void of night. Related Post Genuinely touching zombie wedding vows and ceremony Family members can get concerned when you say things like, "We're going to have zombies in our wedding vows!" But here's solid proof that your... Read more If we were the sole survivors of a zombie apocalypse and you were bitten and transformed into a walking corpse I wouldn’t even pick up my assault shotgun, I’d just let you take a bite out of me, because I’d rather be undead forever with you than alive alone without you. If I had a time machine, I’d go back to the days of your youth to see how you became the someone I love so much today, and then I’d return to the moment we first met just so I could see my own face when I saw your face for the first time, and okay, I’d probably travel to the time when we were a young couple and try to get a three-way going. I never understood why more time travelers don’t do that sort of thing. If the alien invaders come and hover in stern judgment over our cities, trying to decide whether to invite us to the Galactic Federation of Confederated Galaxies or if instead a little genocide is called for, I think our love could be a powerful argument for the continued preservation of humanity in general, or at least, of you and me in particular. If we were captives together in an alien zoo, I’d try to make the best of it, cultivate a streak of xeno-exhibitionism, waggle my eyebrows, and make jokes about breeding in captivity. If I became lost in Related Post Sweet, serious, and non-gaggy: a few of y'all's very favorite wedding readings about love When we're doing our wedding profiles, we noticed some trends in nontraditional readings… readings that clearly Offbeat Brides tend to adore. the multiverse, exploring infinite parallel dimensions, my only criterion for settling down somewhere would be whether or not I could find you: and once I did, I’d stay there even if it was a world ruled by giant spider- priests, or one where killer robots won the Civil War, or even a world where sandwiches were never invented, because you’d make it the best of all possible worlds anyway, and plus we could get rich off inventing sandwiches. If the Singularity comes and we upload our minds into a vast computer simulation of near-infinite complexity and perfect resolution, and become capable of experiencing any fantasy, exploring worlds bound only by our enhanced imaginations, I’d still spend at least 10^21 processing cycles a month just sitting on a virtual couch with you, watching virtual TV, eating virtual fajitas, holding virtual hands, and wishing for the real thing. Related Post Funny wedding readings to make you laugh AND cry We already gave you awesome wedding readings for bad-ass couples, but what if you're less bad-ass and more wonderfully weird? Here are some lighthearted, funny, and silly wedding readings taken… Read More PREVIOUS Ceremony script: This bride and groom wrote each other's vows! NEXT 2021 unique engagement ring trends for Offbeat Brides Show/Hide comments [ 3 ] We used this reading in our ceremony too! It's so perfect and the absolute best photo from the whole day is the look on our (conservative republican) parents' faces when an auto-erotic 3 way was mentioned in the ceremony reading. This was definitely a highlight and I'm glad to see it still getting love in other offbeat folks' weddings <3 Reply This would be an amazing wedding reading. A little bit of humor and geeky romance to leave the guests going "Awwww." Reply Nothing says "I am a white descendent of colonizers" more than having a "what if we were in a human zoo and forced to exhibit ourselves lol that'd be sexy" joke at wedding ceremony. Like I don't want to yuck anyone's yum, but given like… the legacy of colonialism, that's tonedeaf af. Reply Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! 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