"Is it too early to start planning my wedding just because I'm a fetus?" and more wedding hilarity from The Every Bride

Updated Oct 12 2015
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In honor of April Fool's Day, we're letting satirical wedding site The Every Bride take over Offbeat Bride for a minute…

Is it too early to start planning my wedding just because I'm a fetus?

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Dear The Every Bride,

I am a three-month-old, yet to be named fetus currently growing things like a lungs and heart in my mother’s womb. I was just wondering, is it too early to start planning my wedding?

Thanks,
Yet-to-be-named fetus

Dear yet to be named fetus,

Absolutely not! As a matter of fact, there are three things you should already have completed by the time of birth:

Consider what type of wedding you want to have

It is very important, early on, to think about what you want your ceremony and reception to look and feel like. Is it more traditional or alternative? A destination wedding or something near your home? Do you want a big wedding or a more intimate gathering? As the answers to these questions will help determine many of your other choices, we recommend you have this completed by the middle of the second trimester at the latest.

Consider and book the venue

Shortly after deciding what type of wedding you want, it is important to book a venue that matches this vision as soon as possible. As many venues book up quickly, we recommend that this decision and reservation is made by the end of the second trimester.

Consider, and shop for, fashion

Once you know what type of wedding you have, and what your venue is, it’s time for the fun part: fashion! Let the type of wedding you want and the venue inform this decision. While we highly recommend you begin looking for what you plan to wear on your special day before you are born, we do recommend waiting until several days after you leave the hospital before actually purchasing what you’ll wear at your wedding, in order to see what looks best with your hair and complexion.

Hope this helps and good luck on your planning and prenatal development!

XOXO
The Every Bride



Woman realizes she just spent two and a half hours looking at pictures of wedding cakes

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Late Friday evening, bride-to-be Gianna Ambrosino realized that she spent roughly the amount of time it would have taken her to read a short novel, run a half marathon, or watch the unextended version of The Fellowship of the Rings doing nothing but looking at pictures of cake.

“I sat down at about 9:00 p.m. just to check an e-mail. Next thing I know, it’s 11:32 p.m., I still haven’t checked my e-mail, and I realize that I just spent the past one hundred and fifty minutes flipping through pictures of wedding cake,” explained a confused Ambrosino.

Ambrosino wasn’t quite sure how or why she ended up on the wedding advice website — she believes she may have been looking to see if the novelty chevron straws she wanted to purchase were still available — but before she knew what happened it was approaching midnight and she had looked at 231 of the 572 cake galleries available on the site. “I started looking at the sugar flower cakes, then the pink frosted cakes, then lavender frosted cakes, then summer themed cakes, then under the sea themed cakes, and then it’s honestly just a blur. I was sort of just in this trance state until my fiancé texted me just after 11:30 p.m. to tell me good night,” continued Ambrosino.

When asked if she had found a cake to model her wedding cake on, she told The Every Bride that her and her partner had always planned on having pie and ice cream instead.

For more articles like Bride Creates Perfect Landscape After Clearing 50 Acres of Forest and Five Checklists You're Forgetting Abouthead over to TheEveryBride.com!

Bonus points for sharing your favorite Every Bride articles and freaking out your Facebook friends!

  1. Yet-to-be-named fetus' question is awesome! I am 22 weeks pregnant and today (yep, hot of the press) we found out that we are having a girl (which means she is no longer nameless).

  2. Oh yeah, I've *never* looked at anything wedding-related for hours. Not cakes, not centerpieces, and definitely not flowers I never planned to use. Nope. What a silly April Fool's joke. -cough-

  3. I can't really agree with the fetus one…Lol. I was one of those girls that planned her wedding from the time she knew What they were and had grand ideas and wanted it princessy and all. White princess gown, church wedding, all prim and proper. Brides that went out of the norm were frowned upon and I swore it would never be me…until I met the man of my dreams one year ago. LOL!!! Now I'm fine with the idea of an outdoor wedding, my dress is going to be purple, and my dad and step dad will both be walking me down the isle. And I know I will not be able to not be at least a little naughty with my man. LOL!!!

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