How do I give up what I’d always expected my wedding to be?

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'Grand' entrance.I always expected to have a big wedding in my hometown, complete with second cousins and friends from high school. Basically, this can't happen if my partner's family is to attend, because they can't travel due to their health. So even though, in a vacuum, I'd love to have my big hometown wedding, it's just not feasible with my partner's life. She wants a family-only wedding or an elopement.

Now, I'm leaning more and more towards eloping, because if I can't have that giant wedding I want, why not elope and then have a giant party afterwards?

But how do I get over that lost wedding? Before I came out, I always dreamed I'd marry a dude — so clearly my dreams are not set in stone. It's more of an abstraction anyway. How do I make sure I'm 100% emotionally on-board and not going to feel resentful later on? -A.

For starters, you can spend some time browsing our elopement archive — you'll find tons of gorgeous elopements that might help you get excited for the prospect of your own. Then read this post: Reconciling my wedding expectations with my likely wedding realities. Releasing expectations is an ongoing process… you've already released one vision (that you'll marry a dude), and now you've got an opportunity to release another (that you'll have a big hometown wedding), and then you'll have an opportunity to release many more (starting with the fact that your elopement will be anywhere near perfect — because weddings are never perfect).

Now we'd love to hear from the Offbeat Bride community: how are you making your peace with the wedding you're having vs. the wedding you imagined?

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