In which a giant registry store loses our business by ignoring my groom

Guest post by rumorsofmydemise
Clearly dudes love registering for awesome stuff too! (Photo by: Collin Harvey)

Husband of the Future (HOT F) and I made an appointment to go to a major retailer to get a start on our registry.

When we got there, the manager was all smiles and welcomed me to the store. She found out we were there to register for our wedding and hopped on the intercom to call a consultant, “Can I have a registry consultant to the front of the store? We have a BRIDE IN THE BUILDING!” I was a little put off by this; but willing to keep it friendly, so I smiled and said to her, “and BONUS, you get a groom too!” The manager looked me straight in the eye and said, “Oh, he doesn't matter. Grooms don't matter at all! Everyone knows it's the bride's day!”

Flabbergasted, I looked over at my fiance who was clearly uncomfortable. “Um… should we leave?” he asked me. Meanwhile, manager lady was completely oblivious to our exchange because she was still going on about “THE BRIDE'S DAY.” I put on my serious face, looked the woman in the eye and loudly announced, “We're done.”

It would have been so much smoother had we walked straight out; but I tried to go out through the “in” door and then got caught up in one of those awful impulse buy gauntlet mazes. This woman steps around my fiance in an attempt to stop me from leaving by apologizing profusely and spouting some lame bullshit about it all being a joke.

Mind you, in all of this she had yet to acknowledge my fiance's presence. In fact, she just literally treated him like a piece of furniture. HE was the one she should have apologized to, not me.

I told her that WE didn't find the joke funny and that we were taking our business elsewhere. My fiance grabbed my hand, led me to the correct exit, and out into the parking lot where he promptly high-fived me. We could still see the entire sales team staring at us dumbfounded through the windows.

So we went to the retailer next door and registered there. They were very nice to BOTH of us and we had a great experience overall. Then I opened their wedding coupon booklet and was treated to some corporate-sponsored body shaming. Eh. You win some you lose some. Spanx coupons I can deal with. But NOBODY treats Husband of the Future like a non-entity and gets away with it!

Let's talk about groom-inclusion and voting with your dollar when it comes to wedding vendors!

Comments on In which a giant registry store loses our business by ignoring my groom

  1. This. Is. PERFECT. This is how we change the world into one that reflects our values – one person standing up to bullshit at a time. You’ve given the people in that store something to think about, for sure. Way to go!

  2. Wow, that just seems rude period–not just because of her focus on it being a day for the bride, but because she openly ignored your soon to be husband.

    On the other hand, if that retailer was someplace I preferred registering at, I probably would have gone to a different location, and also wrote a letter to the corporate office. I don’t write off an entire company because of the experience I had at ONE store. How the company responds to my complaint would determine my final decision.

  3. I totally felt the same way when I got married. Marriage is a partnership so how dare you say my husband-of-choice doesn’t matter! In spite of the wedding trend, I made a careful effort to always put my husband’s name first on any signage and invites…I hate the implication that it’s the bride’s day only. It’s important to note though that that concept doesn’t come out of no where. It was a female associate who made the comment to you–and it is often females who say it. If they want to start their marriage on such uneven ground, let ’em! They’re probably also associated with the term “bridezilla.” Ha!

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one putting him first! I’ve slipped a couple of times, worst of all being on the invitations (then again, my folks are paying, so it sorta makes sense there) and people have REPEATEDLY asked about it. Our favours say His Name + My Name with the date, all the envelopes are addressed from (or in the case of our RSVPs, to) His Name + My Name at our address, our wedding website has his name first… and I’ve designed all of these things.

      People have taken notice, too. My mom asked me the other day why his name’s been first on pretty much everything, and I told her it was two things: one, I was brought up not to be selfish and self-centered, but two, everyone’s always caught up on how it’s THE BRIDE’S DAY and I want to remind everyone that it’s HIS day, too! He’s just as giddy about this as I am, though when we started the planning, he was a lot more, “Well, if it’s what you want, that’s fine, I just want to marry you.” I’m not going to let anyone forget that it takes (in our case, not judging!) two to make a marriage work. My birthday’s my day. Our wedding is just that, OURS.

      • Ugh, I actually got chastised for putting his name first on our save-the-dates. My mom tried to argue with me about it. “It’s tradition!” or something. ARRRRGH!

      • Oh wow I didn’t even know if was considered normal to leave his name off or not put his name first on things…

        I hope it doesn’t start a stir because his name is going to be on everything and I want it first because I think our names sound better that way.

        I’ve only been engaged 2 days so now you’ve got me all worried that this will be another argument I have to deal with.

        • Traditional etiquette does dictate that a lady’s name precede that of her fiance/groom/husband. It’s much safer to violate this rule for oneself, of course, than it would be when addressing others.

          It’s similar to the tradition of a gentleman allowing a lady to go first when entering a building or a vehicle.

          There is also a stronger rule that a gentleman’s name should not be split. If a lady has taken her husband’s surname, “John and Jane Hisname” is technically incorrect because it separates his first name from his surname. Obviously, this is based on the somewhat outdated notion that the name remains conceptually “his” and not “hers” even after marriage, as he is the one who brought the name into the coupling.

        • It’d weird me out putting his name second on any stationary when my beau and I end up getting married. It’s always been his then mine.

          We have friends with the same first names as ours that are married and the guy’s name is first there, too. Another friend his ex and current girlfriends names were second to his (and they’re from our circle of friends so they’re not strangers or anything where it’d make sense to prioritize). Then other people we know the girl’s name is always first. Even just duos of friends that hang out together, one name is always first.

          I’ve never been able to decide if it’s just habit or if certain names just sound better first/second.

      • I love the equality in this, but I am also painfully aware of how terrible it would sound if I did his name then mine (just phonetically) and I don’t think I could do that to myself. Our names sound wonderful together….just not his name then mine. I think he will shine through plenty in our wedding though. Im not the type to make it about me, and he’s not the type to get washed away just because I’m the bride.

    • They’re probably also eventually associated with the term “divorcee”. Glad to hear that you stood up to that corporate BS!

  4. Wow. I would’ve gone all Pretty Woman on them and walked by with registry information, or maybe walked in and said “Big mistake!”

    Also- I love your phrase “Husband of the Future”. Brilliant!

    • There’s still time to Pretty Woman these people.
      Vengeance: make a list of everything everyone bought for you AT THE OTHER STORE and send a grand total of $$ to the manager and corporate of the store, along with an explanation of what drove away your business. Wanna make change? Relate it back to dollar bills.

  5. Bed Bath and Beyond is gross anyway (assuming that’s what it was because of the impulse buy section and the confusing exits!)

    • Honestly, we had a surprisingly excellent experience at BB&B; I made it clear from the start that WE were getting married and that WE wanted to register for shiny things, and the associates were happy to work with us as a couple 🙂

      • I had a meh experience at BB&B. I looked at the registry after the consultant led me around and told me to get this and that and it was over $10,000. I whiddled it down to $5,000 though.

        • After the experience registering in store at our first retailer, I registered at BB&B online. Plus that way I didn’t even have to leave my office. 🙂

    • I also had a really good experience there. However, we went there during a “registration party”, and not only did they have experienced people assigned to each couple, but they had representatives from the companies of the products they were selling there; the kitched-aid lady and the i-robot lady were most helpful. I didn’t notice any sexism going on- in fact, I think my hubby picked out more stuff than I did, and the lady helping us never said “bride” once. We even stupidly showed up late to the party (time mix up that was our fault), and the lady stayed there until midnight with us. I wonder if this happened because the lady at the front just wasn’t trained on weddings? I mean, it was a stupid thing to do in general, but I bet it’s just one stupid employee- not a company wide policy. I am actually going tomorrow to a post-wedding party to buy some things off of our registry for 20% everything. Hooray! We have so many gift certificates we hae to use 🙂

  6. You guys are my freaking heroes. This cracked me up because I would do the same thing (including the high-five in the parking lot)! I loathe the idea of weddings being a girly to-do where only the women matter. It’s about joining TWO people, not one dragging the other into it.

    • He’s pretty solid at making up for my weak points and vice versa.
      That’s part of why it was such a big deal to us. He’s been a vital part of making this wedding happen from the invites to doing the math to figure out if we could have an extra hour for our reception. He was even vehemently opposed to having a groom’s cake because he didn’t want a “token” to symbolize his involvement in the wedding. He wanted credit for helping to make all of it happen!

  7. +10 for awesome response! Seriously, our future lifemates will be living in the same house – they have to have a say in what they’ll be using and looking at, too!

  8. Love this! I’m also very uncomfortable with the “it’s all about the bride” crap. Do I want my way? Of course! Do I want my way at the expense of Future Husband? No thanks.

    I love that you walked out. I love that you got stuck in the jungle of impulse buys (so something I’d do in a huff) and I love that you two high-fived in the parking lot. Way to be a team!

  9. That is such a sad experience but a superb response 🙂 Fiancé and I are always stressing that it’s OUR day and I don’t get why women allow their male partners to be sidelined.

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