Open expectations: stop wanting the perfect wedding #Philosophizing#expectations#perspective#reality check Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted Nov 8 2011) Guest post by Melde Offbeat Bride Tribe member Meirybomb. Photo by Jon Cancelino Since I got engaged, I've been saying that I have "open expectations," an idea that was inspired by Offbeat Bride. I tend to use the phrase like this: "My expectations are not low — they are open." A corollary to enjoying open expectations might be working on a tight budget or desiring to not micromanage; both are true for me, but certainly wouldn't have to be for others. I bet open expectations could be a helpful philosophy regardless of one's situation. At thirty-three days to go until my wedding, I've learned that the best thing about open expectations is this: Open expectations get met beyond what you could have come up with or hoped for. My standing answer to the question of "can I do something for your wedding?" has been "yes!" Something I wouldn't have been able to do if my expectations had been more rigid. Can a master gardener who knew my step-father when he was in Sunday school, and has never met me make a floral arrangement, for free? Hells yeah. Can my brother's close friend from high school fold us a thousand paper cranes? God yes! Can my parents bring guacamole for everyone, since my partner and I don't like guacamole, and were opposed to spending our limited budget on it? Sure! Why ever not! I didn't ask for any of these things. I didn't hint that we needed them, because we didn't. No one "needs" a thousand paper cranes, but let me tell you, receiving that gift felt pretty fucking phenomenal. Related Post It isn't all sunshine and unicorns: Reconciling my wedding expectations with my likely wedding realities In which a Tribe member lines up her great wedding day expectations, along with the crushing reality of the likely wedding day scenario, and realizes... Read more I really hope that after the wedding I'll be able to carry my open expectations into married life. Open expectations for marriage: I anticipate we shall rock them. Considering YOUR expectations? Check these posts… Offbeat Bride caused me to lower my expectations, and I'm okay with that Avoiding engagement ring envy, or: How I learned to love the symbolism Is this bridal enough?: The great WHITE lie Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Melde I graduated in a recession where I can't get hired (gotta love the liberal arts degree) so I'm mostly just a stay-at-home mom to two pets. I putter around, cook like a demon, visit my aging grandparents, and, as of late, have taken up wedding planning. There's a definite sense that I'm living someone else's life. The way I know I'm still me? I'm trying to figure out how many Joss Whedon references I can incorporate into my wedding. PREVIOUS Megan & Jay's last-minute change solstice wedding NEXT Find out why Seattle's Jenny GG Photography is an offbeat bride's BFF Show/Hide comments [ 16 ] I like open expectations. This way no matter what happens or didn't happen as long as we are married at the end of the day nothing else will matter. Reply Nailed it. Letting control lie in the hands of the word "yes" has the capacity to open a whole new realm of possibilities, enlarge the vision — however blurry it may be, with open expectations — and allow others to not just feel as though they are helping, but to actually help in a tangible way. Awesome. Reply I happen to know this young lady personally and this has been a very big out look that has made more than this possible for her. I look forward to the days to come in knowing her 🙂 Reply Well said!! ^_^ Reply you don't like guacamole?!?!?!?! Reply Such a great viewpoint in life! I shall try to apply "open expectations" to the hectic week ahead and will accept as much guacamole, (I love it! I should go to your wedding)and paper cranes as they come my way 🙂 Reply What a perfectly stated case for letting go of that "Must…control…everything" mindset that is always threatening to creep into even the most offbeat of brides. Thanks for this reminder! Reply I am glad someone else is rocking the Joss Whedon quotes for their wedding Reply I think this is a fantastic outlook to have. If I wanted to I could probably come up with a huge list of things that "went wrong" at our wedding. And if I did I could probably conclude that something "went wrong" during every part of the wedding, and eventually convince myself the whole thing was a disaster. But instead I spent a lot of time talking myself into the attitude that as long as we were married by the end of the day it was a success. If we got to have a fun, laid back, party as well then it was perfect. And that's what happened. Yes I was distracted during the processional because I had to direct the flower girls, yes the same song accidentally played twice at the reception, yes someone got drunk and had to go home early, yes everyone did talk loudly through the awesome song we'd picked while we signed the paper work in the ceremony but none of that mattered. (Ok that last one did bother me a little.) That just proves it was real life and not a fantasy or a movie. The more you want to control and fixate on the details the easier it is for things to go "wrong". If you can talk yourself into letting it go, open your expectations (I like this phrase), there's more chance it'll go well. Reply Wahoo! I totally agree with you 🙂 We're planning a wedding with a very small budget, so have had to say 'YES PLEASE' to alot of offers (the only one I have turned down was a full on Victorian mourning dress complete with bonnet for my wedding dress). Reply I'll have it!! Reply This is a concept that I had not heard of before… but it turns so much of mainstream wedding planning on its head, I shall adopt it immediately. Reply Yep – I'm at 23 days until my wedding and while I have the big things in progress and am working on some small details, my motto is that if it doesn't get done, it wasn't important. Period. The most important thing is that my man and me and my new stepdaughter are all there and even though I've worked hard to bring all the other stuff together, the rest is really just icing. Reply I can haz cranes? Reply This was pretty much my mindset going into my wedding and it worked out well. Several things went "wrong" but I hadn't had my heart set on any details being perfect, so when my dad ended up sitting in the front row of the ceremony alone or the guestbook painting was in a totally different place than I'd requested, I didn't really care. It also left room for me to find it funny that we got locked out during our "grand entrance" instead of freaking out like my photographer thought I would. The only problem I found with open expectations was that NO ONE believed me before the wedding. "I don't have a preference" and "I don't care" and "No really, I could give a tiny rat's ass" are, apparently, unacceptable answers from a bride. I straight up had people telling me my zen approach to wedding planning was going to lead to a huge meltdown on the day. Spoiler alert: it totally didn't. Reply As an empath and a family-girl, I would absolutely love personal little things that people would to for our wedding. Warmth and personal touches from the heart mean more than professional florists, decorators, etc. Sure, you might want a theme to your wedding, but compassion and love is the ultimate touch for your day. This article is great– for nothing is perfect. If you enjoy the simple things, and get married on that day, you've reached your goal and perhaps a "perfect" day. Enjoy the imperfections– they add a flair to the occasion! "open expectations" is a great phrase for everything. This is great! Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.