Scotia & Kyle's Celtic viking pirate punk wedding

January 2 2015 | offbeatbride
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Photos by David Z Photography

The Offbeat Bride: Scotia, Esthetician/Makeup Artist (and Offbeat Bride member)

Her offbeat partner: Kyle, super dad and welder

Date and location of wedding: Black Pirate's Pub Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada — August 16, 2014

Our offbeat wedding at a glance: All my life (when I did think about getting married, which wasn't very often) I wanted a huge, all-out wedding. I like expressing what makes me who I am, and Kyle likes to do the same: We're big, loud, crazy people. So we tried to express that.

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I lost all my immediate family in the last three years, so we didn't do anything traditional in the "normal" sense of the word. My mum died a year and a half ago, and before her my grandma died. All I have left is my half-sister, who is my best friend, so I didn't have any obligations or expectations.

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All my life I wanted a halloween costume wedding, but Kyle's first wedding was in an October and I didn't want to be disrespectful to the memories that he has for that month. So we just chose a date that wasn't close to any holidays or birthdays. We wanted to do a Victorian-themed wedding and elope to Scotland. We had it all planned out, but in the end I did want my friends and family to be there. Jokingly one day, he just said we should make it a pirate wedding at our favourite bar: the Black Pirate's Pub, and the choice was made!

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I did want to bring in all of our cultures into the wedding Nordic (I'm Norse, he's Finn) and Celtic (I'm a Scottish immigrant's daughter and he's Scotch/British on the other side).

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Most of the decor was DIY — I made the centerpiece treasure chests that had love songs printed in them with candy and gems. I papier-mâchéd a giant squid for the candy table. I used candelabras that my friend gave me from her wedding last year. I am a makeup artist and stylist so I did half of my own hair, and did everyone's nails and makeup. I tailored all of the groomsmen's shirts, too.

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I was only really worried about one thing when it came down to the big day: what would my pain threshold be, since that is an issue for me? Would I have a seizure during the wedding? Would I need my cane? I lucked out, my back was under control with my pain medication, and I didn't even get dizzy or faint. I was lucky that day.

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Tell us about the ceremony:
We had legally got it done a day beforehand to do the paperwork and legal stuff. The DJ played "Crazy" by The Kidneythieves for the walk down the aisle.

We had my best friend Chelsea MC the wedding. We had gotten a officiant before who was perfect for us: a nerd, satanic (like Kyle) and in the military (I come from a big military family). But he got called to be stationed somewhere for six months and missed it.

Here is an excerpt from Chelsea's speech:
"Today we are here at Kyle and Scotias favourite place, the place where most of you have seen the sickening display of how much they love each other. They dance, they rock out, and they hug and say hi to everyone. you have seen Kyle many a time carry Scotia out of here for good and bad reasons, and I'm sure you've seen our Mamma Scotia tell Kyle to watch out for the other people in the pit who can't handle his Viking-ness."

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My Vows:

I promise that I will always listen to your Warhammer stories: one day I will totally understand what you're talking about. So far I know what a space marine is.
I promise that I will always take care of you, our kids, and our family of dogs and cats and our house.
I promise even when I have a walker, we'll go in the pit.
I promise to love you more and more every day. How can I not, really, when you are the man of my dreams?
I promise always keep us happy and healthy as best I can, and to push the envelope with the power of apples.
When you are down, I'll be there to make the stupidest joke ever at the situation or read you love poems in my exorcist voice.
And I will always make your favourite foods.
I will always win at having more tattoos, but I love the ones you have and will support the ones you want, as long as you like the stupid ones I want.
I forever will love your bum.
As long as you have a beard, you're cool in my books.
Whatever path life will lead us on, through sick times, rough times, and tight times in both the good and bad ways, I will be at your side. I'm not going anywhere. I'm even practising making pigeon rats, I call the right side. I adore you.

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Our biggest challenge:
The only thing that I really needed mentally and emotionally was trying to find a tactful way to tell my side of friends and family not to talk about my mum. I didn't want to hear "I wish she could be here," "she's looking down on you," or anything like that a million times. There are so many emotions on that day, lots of wine and shots, and unpredictable outside family members who could have made drama if they wished. I didn't want to be crying more than I already knew I would because I cry really hard when I'm happy.

I tried to honour her and our heritage, though. I inherited beautiful sterling silver with amber brooches, earrings, necklaces, and a kilt pin with thistles and stags on them (my family's animal), that I wore.

I found a nice big lantern (for the pirate theme, and one that would fit in my house) and placed candles in it in her favourite colours: blue and white. I also placed the booklet from her funeral with the Celtic prayer and her photo inside.

We added into the intro to the ceremony, a piece about my feelings on the situation. I took two months just to write it and read it to everyone. I didn't want to be crass, rude, or uncaring of others' feelings. This is what ended up coming out:

Having everyone here means so much to them and for those who can't be here we all wish they could be. Dinah is here with us, she is the beacon of this union. Kyle and Scotia and many of you miss Dinah, Scotia's mum greatly. She was there from the time they dated in college, to the first day the kids came home, and even after she has given them their home, this wedding, and much more. But this is a happy day, and we all know how much work Scotia put into her makeup, so they ask to keep your sympathies in your heart.

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My favorite moment:
The biggest one was just having our kids being a part of everything. They are his children and my step-children and they are our life. Not having them for everything would have been heart-breaking.

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We also had three dances that meant a lot to me. our first dance was to our song, "Dreaming Neon Black" by Nevermore. I thought it would be weird being in a spotlight like that, but we just went into our own little world and we always sing the song to each other. But when we got to the loud chorus part, we yelled it out and that snapped my bubble and I got really shy for a minute.

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The second dance was with our kids. Because our kids are four and two, 8:00 pm is bedtime, so we wanted this dance to end by then so they could go home with my sister's mom. We danced to "Sentient 6" by Nevermore. This is the song Kyle used to sing to Jack, our youngest, when he was a sick baby.

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The third dance was when I threw my garter. I didn't want to throw my bouquet for two reasons: it was about 8 pounds and I wanted to keep it. I made it seem like we were just going to do the sit on the chair, take it off, and throw. Way earlier when we were going to do the formal walk into dinner, I was going to sing "Big Bad Handsome Man" by Imelda May, but I chickened out. So I asked my DJ to play it when I'd had enough drinks to not chicken out. So I pushed Kyle back, and did a whole number with a burlesque dance.

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My funniest moment:
The whole 6 months when I started to bother Kyle about his vows: he made the joke that he would just recite the "Berserker" song from Clerks. Every time I asked that was his answer. I thought he was just joking the entire time, that he had them written down somewhere. Nope. He started off with "My love for you is like a truck.. Berserker. Would you like some making F###?" and I shouted "Berserker!" which everyone joined in who got the joke. He finished his vows that came from the heart.

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Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?

Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!

  1. Very cool wedding… and I think the bride is one of the most beautiful women Ive ever seen in my life… wow! (if she is ever in my neck of the woods and feels like modeling…)

  2. Love, love, LOVE that bouquet! Also love the idea for not throwing it but doing a burlesque tease with the garter.

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