Gloria & Robert's harmonious wedding of Korean-Canadian traditions • Offbeat Wed (was Offbeat Bride)

The Offbeat Bride: Gloria, lawyer, musician, and writer

Her offbeat partner: Robert, chef and assistant Hotel Manager

Date and location of wedding: Ron Kolbus Lakeside Centre, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada — September 22, 2012

Our offbeat wedding at a glance: It was really important to us that our wedding incorporate traditions from both of our cultures, Korean and Canadian. This meant having two wedding ceremonies, two caterers (Korean food and “Western” food), and two wedding dresses! It also often resulted in a creative fusion of cultures: Western-style table settings with origami cranes as decorations, my mother-in-law walking down the aisle in her dress alongside my mother in her traditional Korean hanbok, and a bar serving both Canadian beer and Korean soju liquor.

Tell us about the ceremony: We first had a Western-style wedding at the church that I grew up in, with my uncle (who is a pastor) officiating. The first people to walk down the aisle were the flower girls, my little cousins who are half Korean, half French Canadian. I like to think they set a good tone of interracial harmony!

As mentioned, we also did a Korean tea ceremony after dinner, where we paid our respects to our elders by bowing to them, serving them tea, and listening to their advice.

At the end, my mother-in-law followed Korean tradition by throwing chestnuts and dates at me, while Rob and I tried to catch them with my scarf. Each chestnut or date that we caught symbolized how many sons or daughters we would have. From what we caught, it seems like we will have three boys and one daughter. Wow…

Our biggest challenge: There aren't a lot of Korean-Canadian weddings in our town. People tend to either opt going the Canadian route or having the wedding in Toronto, which has a larger Korean population, so the services weren't readily available. We had to get creative and arrange a lot of things by ourselves.

For example, most conventional wedding venues didn't offer Korean food as part of their menu, so we had to find a venue that would let us bring in our own food. Luckily, the local community centre let us hire our own caterers. There aren't any major Korean catering companies in town either, although there are a few Korean restaurants. With a help of my Korean-speaking mother, we negotiated a contract with some of the Korean ladies in town to provide a Korean dinner, while we hired a well-known catering company in town to provide Western appetizers and desserts.

Most bars don't serve soju (Korean liquor) either, so we opted to buy all the alcohol ourselves and hire a bartender, rather than have the caterer supply it. This meant we had to special order the soju from the liquor store.

We also didn't own any of the traditional Korean wedding clothing. A family friend who also works at the Korean embassy generously lent us all of her hanboks, as well as the tea set. Another family friend provided us with the beautiful backdrop and the Korean table.

My favorite moment: I'm really glad we did the Korean tea ceremony. It gave us a chance to pay respects to our elders. My non-Korean friends also enjoyed the rare opportunity to witness a part of my family's culture. Additionally, Rob looked great with his Korean hat!

My funniest moment: Rob had actually hurt his back before the wedding, so it was very painful for him to bow during the Korean tea ceremony. Unfortunately, the deeper you bow, the more respect you show, and Rob didn't want to disrespect any of our elders! To make it worse, during the ceremony we were supposed to bow three times for each set of parents/grandparents, which meant that he had to bow at least fifteen times. Each time we bowed, he'd look at me and whisper incredulously, “AGAIN?” He put on brave face throughout the whole thing. I know I shouldn't be laughing at my husband's pain, but really, it was funny.

Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?

Bride's dress: I think every Canadian bride should learn about The Brides' Project, where I got my wedding dress. The Brides' Project is a Toronto-based organization that sells secondhand wedding dresses and donates the proceeds to cancer research. It's such a great cause. I was happy to spend my money there for my dress, which came with a card from the original bride. I later got in contact with that bride and we shared our stories.
Day-of coordinator: Julie Barake of Chic Wedding Planning & Design. She was absolutely wonderful, and there's no way that our day would have gone as smoothly without her.
Cake and cupcakes: Penny from Cakes Above All. She did an incredible job of making beautiful yummy cupcakes at a great price.
Photography: Mailyne Briggs, who was professional and patient in taking her beautiful photos.
Caterer: We are so thankful to Tulips and Maple Catering for accommodating our unique request for a multicultural dining event.
Wedding bands: Magpie Jewellery, which features jewellery made by Canadian artists.