Helen & Steve's laid-back Hobbity pinwheel wedding • Offbeat Wed (was Offbeat Bride)

The Offbeat Bride: Helen, Nanny, actor (and Tribesmaid)

Her offbeat partner: Steve, Music Director, Composer, Pianist

Date and location of wedding: All around our Homestead in Cincinnati, OH — June 2, 2012

Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our primary worry the entire time was whether people would have fun, so we made it an event that WE would like to attend. There was no pressure: we canned the dancing, the thousand toasts, all the pomp, and did it our way. We lit a campfire and provide s'mores fixings. We had a table full of board games. The kids had bubble wands and a ball pit and hula hoops. The beer and pizza were “gourmet” but flowed freely as long as anyone was hungry or thirsty. Because we didn't have a million things “to do” during our reception, we really had time to visit with our guests, and enjoy our wedding day.

Our pinwheels were an amazing success, and at the end of the evening, we allowed anyone who wanted one (or thirty) to take them. There were kids with more than they could carry, and I keep seeing them planted in friends' gardens as I go visiting.

Tell us about the ceremony: Our ceremony was very short and written and performed by one of our very good friends who got ordained just for us. We wrote our own vows, and we both focused on the real-life promises that matter everyday, and Steve sang the Beatles' “I Will” as part of his vows as a surprise for me.

Steve chose this reading from Margery Williams's “The Velveteen Rabbit” which, of the three readings, touched me to most:

“What is REAL?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day… “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn't how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn't happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand… once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Related post: Sweet, serious, and non-gaggy: a few of y'all's very favorite wedding readings

Our biggest challenge: One of my bridesmaids and I “broke up” 20 days before the wedding. Our relationship had been strained for a long while, but I had hoped being part of my wedding would help fix things. It didn't. So, another friend, who had been present through the whole process, stepped into an “official” bridesmaid position, and was wonderful. And while it was hard to accept that a decades-old friendship had fallen apart, it made me realize that I have wonderful, supportive people all around me, if I will just let them in.

My favorite moment: Steve chose the passages that our friend Mike would read during our ceremony, and though I knew them beforehand, their meaning really hit me as they were being read, and the passage from “The Velveteen Rabbit” started me down the slippery slope to tears. Then Steve surprised me by singing “I Will” as a portion of his vows (backed up by several of our musically-inclined friends), and it was all over for my pretty makeup.

At the end of the night, as my Grandma and Aunt Louise were leaving, they each took a handful of pinwheels to place on my Grandpa and Uncle Jim's graves, which meant a lot, since I missed them both terribly.

My funniest moment: When I asked my charges to be my Ring Bearers, they were only four and five, so they heard ring “Bears.” We had them wear bear hats and fuzzy bow ties instead of full-on bear suits, but the seven-year-old got fully into his role, and growled at everyone all the way down the aisle. The younger bear did his best, but got shy about halfway to the wedding tree. They were the hit of the ceremony.

Related post: Julia & Bobby's 1950s, kiddie cowboy and lollipop party

Was there anything you were sure was going to be a total disaster that unexpectedly turned out great? I had convinced myself that it was going to rain, because we didn't have a rain plan AT ALL. But the weather was unbelievably beautiful — mostly sunny and in the low 70s all afternoon. As the sun began to go down it got a little cooler, but we had the campfire going, and it was perfect.

My advice for Offbeat Brides: Just let it happen. Shit WILL hit the fan at some point. Wonderful things will occur when least expected and most needed. Have a plan in place, but accept that it will change often. Be flexible.

But mostly: LISTEN to people. I know you are tired of hearing “Well, when I got married, we….” but people mostly only offer anecdotes and suggestions because they care, and some of the best ideas come from other people's stories, even if it is a contrary notion. If your Great Aunt Tessie tells you all about how wonderful the lilies smelled at her wedding, and that reminds you how much you HATE the smell of lilies, and you can tell your florist that, it was a good thing you heard her story, and it made her happy to tell you. Remember that your wedding isn't all about you. If it were, you wouldn't be inviting Great Aunt Tessie. Relax!

What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? I learned to be OK with the help that was offered when it was offered, but not to expect it from the most obvious quarters. Large events bring out everyone's true colors. Some of those colors were ugly and miserable, and others showed more beautifully than ever before.