Offbeat-er than thou

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SF Zoo Wedding: Wedding Favor & Rings
I belong to a community of brides on another site. One of the brides prides herself on her uniqueness and originality. No one has a problem with that. But she really puts down a lot of the other brides who are more traditional. She calls their weddings “cookie cutter” — which really hurts some people's feelings!

I'm sure there was a time when the Offbeat Brides of the world took a lot of slack for doing things the way that made them happy, but now this lady has started bride-reverse-discrimination.

My point, how do I tell someone to chill with their “offbeat-er than thou” talk?

I've got an easy answer for you here: send her a link to my Your wedding is not a contest post.

Or maybe suggest she read All weddings are awesome — not just mine.

Or hell, just have her spend some time in our Special Snowflake archive. It's a great reminder that we're not so different really, those of us planning more traditional weddings and those of us planning weirder weddings. We're all struggling with pressures and stresses, and we should all be a bit more patient with each other's decisions.

Comments on Offbeat-er than thou

  1. I have to admit I have been a little judgemental. My fiance’s best friend is getting married, and they are very “offbeat” in thier lives(she just recently shaved her head!) and well their wedding seems so traditional that it doesnt “FIT” them. I have been very judgemental and well… i have to tell myself to back off. Its their wedding and if they want to pretend to be religious and pretend to be people they arent… then its their wedding!

    Sometimes I am such a bitch! 🙂

  2. I hate that. My comment to that is everyone has their vision of their perfect day and there is no right or wrong way to get married. I would remind her that her wedding day is not about the service, but is about getting married to the one you love. I hate to do this again, but I must bring up the lyrics of Diff’rent Strokes. They ring true on so many facts of life… Uh oh! New theme song! 🙂

  3. It’s good to remember that, just as my mother can’t tell me what “fits” for me, neither can we do that for those we love.

    🙂

    Viva la beat, off-, on- and in-between!

  4. It’s true that this stuff happens, though. I’m having a fairly informal, offbeat wedding but a lot of my (probably baseless) anxiety has been less about it being too informal for my family, but it being too conventional or wedding-y for my hipster friends!

    My daft worries there have been much more fuelled by judgemental stuff I’ve seen from certain brides online than by my actual friends (who’ve been very sweet and enthusiastic, yay). While there are lots of cool, supportive folk too, there are quite a few alt-brides out on the interweb who get very judgemental about price, and DIY versus buying stuff especially. The wedding industry shockingly overprices most stuff, we can all agree on that, but it’s sad when this turns into direct snarking at other brides for being spendthrift consumerists. The post of hers that Ariel links to hits the nail right on the head – offbeat-ness is about making your wedding more you, not an end in itself, and the last thing any bride needs is an extra load of guilt and pressure!

  5. Repeat after me: My wedding is not a sideshow to reveal to the world how weird, cool, perfect I am or may wish to be. it is a symbol of my commitment and feelings for my partner. It is about love remember? And that includes loving others beyond ourselves. So be kind to other brides, and friends because someone out there thinks your ideas are stupid too. No one is the perfect anything.

  6. Okay maybe just me but seems like if you’re going to other websites to spread the word what a pain this person is then your pretty much guily of the same thing??

    I say chill do your thing & don’t beat a dead horse.

  7. Part of why I opted to run this question is because this issue comes up a LOT, and realistically has pretty much nothing to do with whatever ridiculous online situation prompted this specific question. I’ve seen this topic come up over and over again with brides of all sorts.

    I’m closing this post to further comments because I’m not interested in whatever drama is going on with the specific situation to which it refers. (I’ve been getting emails all day with links to some other bridal site, bla bla bla.) I don’t really care about this particular situation. I’m more interested in encouraging brides of all stripes to stop treating each other like fucking assholes.

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