Why I am glad Offbeat Bride is my main exposure to wedding media

Guest post by emalineisabear

we love our offbeat brides
Let me start off by saying I love Offbeat Bride (or as I like to call it “the Offbeast”). Since we started planning our wedding, Offbeat Bride was the only wedding website I chose to follow. But even the Offbeast only posts a handful of updates everyday, and as as our wedding date fast approaches, I need all the wedding porn/advice/ideas I can get!

So my mind and fingers wander…

Unfortunately, there is no other website like the this one. No one provides the no-bullshit point of view that you get here. When someone on other wedding blogs says “Your wedding is wrong!” they aren't saying it in a “but that's totally okay, and who cares” sort of way, like you get here. They are saying it in a “your wedding is wrong and you should feel bad” sort of way. It's awful.

Certain wedding blogs focus on a lot of celebrities and their weddings, which I find really weird, and privacy-invading. And I mean, who doesn't want to compare their wedding to someone who can afford things unheard of to the average person?

Or they have articles like “21 Reasons Why You are a Trashy Skank Because You Allowed Your Bridesmaids To Show Their Butts,” which chastises brides for the trend of exposed bridesmaids' bottoms in wedding pictures. And while I may have taken some liberties with the actual title of the article, here are some direct quotes from it:

“13. Do you really want your husband to know what your friends' butts look like?”

My husband is marrying me, isn't he? So why should I hold on to an insecurity like that?

“19. Another reason to add squats to your pre-wedding workout… and no one likes squats. No one.”

Or I could just accept my body the way it is. It may not be in perfect condition, but it is mine, and my partner loves it (as do I), so why should I worry about looking more perfect in my wedding pictures?

I'm really glad that my urge to consume “everything wedding” dies down when my depression gets to me. If I happened upon one of the other wedding websites during one of those periods, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it.

All the negative talk about everything is just maddening. “Lose weight, wear white, buy this $5,000 dress, no this $10,000 one, have we mentioned that a real wedding must have really expensive size 0 dresses? Otherwise you don't love your blonde-haired, blue-eyed, muscle-bound, white husband enough.”(Seriously, these sites are always all about white couples — perfect magazine beautiful white couples. It is weird. Don't other people get married?) I do not care for it!

The negative talk is bad. Your wedding is about what you want. It's about you and your partner. Wear a purple fursuit for all I care. It's your wedding — do it your way! Please: just have fun and go out and do your wedding your way. Do not let awful websites keep you down.

And thanks Offbeast — err Offbeat Bride, for being an awesome website for every kind of wedding out there.

Comments on Why I am glad Offbeat Bride is my main exposure to wedding media

  1. Amen Sister!
    Although you may be preaching to the choir, the choir loves to hear it!
    Supportive, no BS, it’s about YOUR wedding which is about your MARRIAGE = OBB.
    Whether it’s a big wedding, enormous wedding, or courthouse elopement, OBB has got you. If you are a Caucasian-hetero-church-wedding couple, a gay-black-steampunk couple, or a biracial-goth-poly-group wedding person, OBB has it and applauds you!
    Thank you Ariel and everyone involved for creating a wedding zone that is inclusive and sane! Weddings are an important rite of passage and OBB is positive and supportive to all.
    – ps: love seeing the complete picture of all the header art

  2. This, this and more this!
    Once I found OffBeat Bride I went nowhere else.
    Even now that I’m married (one month today!) I still come back daily to see the latest and greatest, to check in on the Offbeat Bride Tribe and to just feel loved on the interwebz.

    • I have been married since September 13th and I like to visit this site too! Yay, I am not alone!

    • YAY! Please tell me that you’re also visiting our sister site, Offbeat Home & Life — it’s like Offbeat Bride for the rest of life. We talk about relationships, sex, money, work, home decor, food, with all the interwebz love you’ve come to expect from the Offbeat Empire.

    • Been married three years now, and while I’m not as obsessive, I still love coming here and seeing all the joy and personalities. 🙂 And offbeat home is equally amazing and a bit more in line with my life now. Love this empire.

  3. I had joined a certain “wedsite” (who shall go unnamed) and read the community advice section. It was like Be-yotch Central up in there! Needless to say, I quit them and came here. This site is a breath of fresh air:)

    • Me too!! I asked for advice and they were just RAWR! because my situation didn’t fit into a nice little box. One of the users was kind enough to refer me here, and I haven’t gone back since! 😀

    • Ok, I know I’m SUPER late to this game, but I NEEDED to read this article again, because today, I, too made the mistake of going into the forum of a certain wedsite to look up reviews on a certain registry.

      Ho. Ly. Smokes. What a load of b*tches. Good god, everyone was just SO nasty to one another, and always ganged up on the one person who was doing something (whatever it was) that wasn’t “the norm.” I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. And I was so damn pissed that I really, really felt the need to vent about it. (And where better to do that than OBB?)

      Honestly, I had though about just taking the rant to Facebook, but I figured 1) Most of my FB friends don’t care about/have no connection to said wedsite and/or wedding planning or 2) Are those forum girls and, frankly, I didn’t want to incur the wrath. So I’m here. Nine months late. Venting about the horrible things women say to each other on wedding etiquette forums.

      I’m sorry, but if you’re that up-in-arms about a STRANGER’S wedding, then you’re the problem, not them. Do you genuinely lose sleep at night about someone else’s wedding halfway across the country that you have nothing to do with? Because that’s just sad.

      Yay OBB for supporting each other, not tearing other brides/women down every chance we get.

      tl;dr
      Women on traditional wedsite forums can be major b*tches and I hate it. OBB-ers aren’t. Phew!

  4. There is no other community on earth that is as awesome as the offbeat one! The advice is bar none maaaarvelous. However in my quest to find more coloured tattooed wedding porn I found rock n roll bride! Lots of great photos over there to once you’ve chowed through the offbeat content here.

  5. Offbeat is awesome! But just as a note: it’s virtually IMPOSSIBLE to find a size 0 white wedding dress. Seriously. One of many reasons I’m choosing to wear blue 🙂

  6. Couldn’t have said it better! As soon as I found this site, I quit all others because I knew immediately that they couldn’t (wouldn’t) do for me what OBB does/will!! I’m a happy fat girl (yeah, I said it!) who knows she’s a sexy beast and have been happlily accepting of my body for many years now. I love the vibe here that really jives with how already I feel about myself, so thanks for being another beautiful human who won’t take the negative. GO YOU!!

    🙂

  7. I have spent the overwhelming majority of my time here, so when I started looking for photographers in the chunk of MN where we found our venue, I just got depressed. All their websites just feature size-8 23-27 year-old white women (in white dresses, of course) marrying strapping sorts of youngish white men.

    I’d gotten so used to the body-positive, “diversity is the norm” attitude around here, that I was shocked and sort of horrified. This is the best place. I’m so, so glad my friend recommended it.

  8. Yes! I also enjoy A Practical Wedding. I recommend at least a skim of the site.

    • I like A Practical Wedding, but they definitely cater more to the Offbeat Lite folks (yes, I know it’s a retired term! But I still identify as it, for now :)). I find Offbeat Bride to still be more inclusive and diverse, as well as the OG.

      (apologies if discussion of a competitor is verboten!)

  9. shameless plug (to another blog post here… but I wrote it)!

    I think this ties http://offbeatbride.com/2012/03/i-am-not-a-bride really, really well.

    The Wedding Industry can be a dark, scary and damning place. The “hey, you are SO COOL for DOING THE THING!” attitude here is what keeps me coming back and reading posts, even now more than a year after I got hitched.

    I could go on for aeons about how fucked up representation can be in wedding media, in general. All sorts of people get married to all sorts of other people. If all you’re doing is showing us what an American WASP wedding looks like, you’re alienating yourself from, oh, I dunno EVERYONE ELSE EVER. Unless the white WASP wedding is your thing, in which case, have all the fun.

  10. WORD!!! The other sites kind of make me gag, whereas here, I feel like I’ve found my people. One giant virtual hug for Offbeat Bride 🙂

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