While wedding planning is lots of fun, it can also be stressful, especially when each partner has different ideas of what the wedding should look like.
An Offbeat Bride and a traditional groom, like myself and my fiancé, can clash at times. The offbeat partner can feel restricted; the traditional partner can feel pushed.
While I try very hard not to subscribe to the Wedding Industrial Complex‘s idea of “everything is about me, me, me,” sometimes it's hard to compromise. Sometimes I get pouty and selfish, maybe even demanding. In those moments, I am not loving my fiancé.
Do I still want to marry him? Yes. Do I still long to be close to him? Yes. Do I still appreciate all the wonderful things about him? Yes. But, though love often includes those feelings, that's not what love is about. I have to remind myself that love is about self-sacrifice to the one I've promised to marry. Love is not a warm fuzzy feeling; love is putting your significant other before yourself.
Does that mean being a doormat? No. But it does mean gently and joyfully compromising when you can see that something is important to your fiancé.
His traditional ideals are just as close to his heart as my offbeat ones are to mine. His wants and needs are just as important, no matter how many bridal magazines push the idea that the wedding is all about the bride.
The wedding is about marital love, and marital love is about more than just one person — equally deserving of their desires. People sacrificing for each other, and committing to do so for the rest of their lives. That love should be reflected in wedding planning as much as any other area of life.
Each time we disagree on a wedding-planning decision, it is an opportunity to work together to show love to each other. Sometimes that means him letting me have my way. Sometimes it means me letting go of an idea. Sometimes it means coming together in a compromise that is reflective of both of us.
Love is more than a feeling. Love is valuing your partner enough to put their desires on par with — or even ahead of — your own. I don't always do that. I don't always love my fiancé. And he doesn't always love me. But we are committed to trying for the rest of our lives, and that's what our wedding is about.
Offbeat + traditional couples, how do you guys work it out when you're feeling less than happy about compromising?