The drama-minimizing guide to not inviting family members to your wedding

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Photo courtesy of Flickr Commons.
Photo courtesy of Flickr Commons.

Ug. This is a post no one wants to write, but that definitely needs to be written. Most of us really do wish our weddings could be sweet celebrations of love and family, commitment and community. Unfortunately, for a whole bunch of legitimate reasons ranging from addiction to abuse, crime to communication problems, some of you are going to face the challenge of not inviting certain family members (or ANY family members) to your wedding.

It's going to suck. Obviously, no one article can work for every tangled family situation, but let's see if we can help you make it suck a little less.

Be sure

We're not going to get into why you're not inviting given family members. We're just going to assume that you feel you've got a really, truly legitimate reason. It's not our place to judge the legitimacy, and ultimately it doesn't matter: if you feel it strongly, then that's your decision to make. You just need to be sure. Really, really sure. Talk to your partner. Talk to your friends. Possibly even talk to a counselor. This is going to be hard, so you need to be completely solid in your decision.

Be accountable

Once you've made the decision, you need to hold yourself completely accountable. This is not about what the other person did to you. This is about you feeling like you're making the best decision you can for yourself and your wedding.

As always, you can't control other people or their behavior. You can only control and take responsibility for your reaction. If not inviting family members feels like the best solution for a toxic situation, that's cool… but don't make it about what they did. Own your reaction, and be accountable for the fact that the decision not to invite family is going to hurt people's feelings, full stop. (Even if you think they hurt you first, it doesn't matter. The decision not to invite someone is all on you.)

Be honest

The worst thing you can do when there's drama approaching is propagate it by not being up-front in addressing it. Yes, it's going to suck, but you can't put it off. You need to confront the situation quickly and directly. Don't put it off, and don't use platitudes. You likely do not ever need to contact someone to tell them they're not invited to your wedding, but if they or another family member ask you about an invitation, we suggest you use straight-forward, un-charged language. Here are a few examples:

  • “I'm not comfortable having you/them attend our wedding. I'm sorry, but my decision has been made.”
  • “I understand this will probably be upsetting, but I've made the difficult decision not to invite you/them to our wedding. I'm just not comfortable with you/them being there. I'm sorry.”

If you want to discuss why you're not inviting the person, by all means do — but make it clear that the decision is final. We also fully support just drawing a boundary:

  • “It's hard for me talk about the reasons behind the decision, because they're emotional and painful. At this point, my decision has been made and it is final. I'm sorry. I'm done talking about this.”

Stand your ground

When other family members hear that you're not inviting someone, they may threaten not to attend your wedding. As one Offbeat Bride reader shared:

Do not cave to emotional blackmail, do not cave and fight with people over this — this is your choice and you have to stand firmly by it. “I'm sorry you won't be there but that's your decision” is your mantra, your rock, your hard place and your go to reply. If you can't not cave, don't start this. I cannot stress that enough.

My policy is to discuss my decision once with a person — and then no more. If someone presses, I give them a warning: “I am not going to talk about this any more.” Then end the conversation if the warning is not heeded: “Well, I have to go now. Love you, talk to you later.”

Refuse to fight over it

If someone starts debating your decision, give them a warning that it's not something you want to discuss. If they don't respect that, then politely end the conversation. Don't get triggered into arguing or rehashing old wounds. It's not worth your time. If your decision has made, then all fighting over it accomplishes is wasting time and energy better spent elsewhere. Be loving, but be firm.

If someone starts fishing for an invitation, politely refuse to do battle. Simply state that the person will not be receiving an invitation, and then respectfully decline to answer further questions.

  • “This has been a really difficult decision, but it's one I feel very firmly about. I don't want to talk about it any more, I'm sorry.”

Focus on the family you ARE inviting

In getting ready for the wedding, focus on the people who you DO know love and support you. Find friends and family who you can count on and spend some time thinking about how awesome that is. Thank those who are involved in your life and find ways to recognize what they mean. You could even add a bit to your ceremony telling them that if they were there, they are family.

Try to minimize times that would highlight your family not being present, if possible. Be aware of all wedding moments where both families are usually included, and find ways to feel good about your friends and/or partner's family stepping in, or consider to minimize the family moments.

Allow yourself to grieve

It can be hugely valuable to take the time to acknowledge and grieve the loss of an important relationship (or any huge disappointment), regardless of how it happens. Yes, make this wedding your own and celebrate what you have, but also acknowledge to yourself that you are grieving some lost relationships, and that grieving will be an important part of letting go and moving on.

Be compassionate

Yeah, this is going to suck. Yeah, you're going to find yourself in truly awful conversations that could dredge up a lot of painful family history. But challenge yourself to find as many ways as possible to be loving, appreciative, and gracious in your conversations about not inviting family.

If family members push to come to the wedding, consider whether you're open to repairing your relationship with them separately from their attending the wedding. Obviously, estrangement is always an option — and in some situations, it may be your best option. Ultimately, there are relationship dynamics here that are much larger than just a wedding invitation, and it's worth considering carefully whether, once your wedding is over, you want to leave the door open to reconciliation.

Seek help

In certain situations, there may be issues like restraining orders involved. In some cities, the local family court may have helplines or a help desk where you can ask for legal advice related to extreme situations like restraining orders.

We'd love to hear from couples who've got through this challenge — what methods did you use to minimize drama? What language did you use to talk to both those who were not invited, as well as those who WERE invited and upset by your decisions?

Comments on The drama-minimizing guide to not inviting family members to your wedding

  1. This, times a millionty. I am currently in a situation that may lend itself to a hard decision in the future. It would be extremely helpful to hear how others handled this, so I can see and know to expect a realistic amount of backlash (what type, how hard, etc). Although every situation is unique, it is helpful to know that these decisions have been made in the past, and that (for better or worse) others have survived.

  2. I didn’t invite my mother to my wedding. Luckily our relationship had deteriorated years before I was working on invites and everyone in the know knew what to expect. I did worry that she would just show up anyways–I had to take extra precautions in communications with my sister and on social media–but everything otherwise was drama free. I agree with the article in that it is important to take responsibility and not blame the actions of the other party. That act in itself is freeing and helps to ensure that YOU are moving forward.

    • I had the same issue with not inviting my mother. Although I wasn’t in communication with her I was worried old mutual friends on Facebook would let it slip, and I wasn’t prepared to have her show up at the wedding. Instead I decided to keep all talk of it on social networks to an absolute minimum until the last minute, although I still expected her to show up.

      Totally agree with this whole post – if you don’t want someone, don’t invite them. It’s your wedding! I had to stand my ground with the in-laws coming up with a crazy long guest list and just told them straight, this isn’t ‘informal’ or ‘small’ as we wanted and that was that.

      • I needed to read this today and see that others have been there. Thanks!
        We are 1.5 weeks out and I am having to police facebook daily just to make sure that no one mentions the wedding date. My greatest fear is that my mother will show up and ruin our day. I can’t really talk about this to acquaintances or friends who don’t know her because they just don’t understand how I could have a wedding and not want my mother there.

        • Gosh I do Riah. My mother is an absolute horror. Neither she, my father or one of my three sisters were invited to my wedding. Now my other two sisters have started to really cause grief and I have put my foot down and said I don’t want them there. It’s hard because it means that except for my daughter from my first marriage I may have no family there at all. But I would rather decide now that they aren’t coming and deal with it than be waiting for someone to kick off. I agree with you though. Most people just don’t understand how a woman wouldn’t want her mother at her wedding but they are basing this on their relationship with their mother or daughter and it doesn’t compare. Good luck with your wedding and remember the police are only a quick call away.

    • How did you say this? I am not inviting my brother or sister to my wedding but am my dad and step mum. They’ve already made noises about not getter an invite (prob should have dealt with it earlier so I haven’t helped). Thing is it’s all about them and my sister loves a drama. Not seen my sister for 18 months and my brother the same, even then it was a fleeting encounter. Would really appreciate the advice.

  3. I am in the situation where I have people not attending because I invited one person that they don’t think should be there. There has been so much manipulation already that it is exhausting, I’ve debated about eloping multiple time because if it. The suggestions for this post is actually almost word for word what I have said, so thank you!

    • I dealt with that to a certain extent. I invited my half-sister, things are weird with her and my mom. I didn’t know she existed until I was 12, but as adults, she’s invited me to her baby shower and some other events, so my husband and I invited her to our wedding. I’d like a relationship with her and my nephew. My mom threatened to faint or throw up, and then lost a ton of weight (like, unhealthy low weight) just before our wedding. She guilted me about it a lot, but I wasnt willing to offend my sister simply because my mom doesn’t like her. nothing happened at our wedding, my mom and dad went over and said hi. I’m glad we invited my sister. you and your partner have to make the decisions about who to invite together.

  4. I needed this article SO bad today, along with the one for accountability for your decisions.

    Just a few days ago, I decided that our wedding was NOT the place for my whole family to meet my brother’s new girlfriend. I’m trying to get rid of any possibility for drama to occur.

    Now, I’m the bad guy, to my brother and my parents. How did that happen? No idea.

    I’ve just got to learn to stick to my decisions, and stand my ground.

      • You would think so, right?
        Nope, it’s not that important to him, for some reason. His girlfriend is important to him, but the concept of her meeting his family isn’t important enough to make the time to do it at a different time.
        Priorities, huh?

    • This is just my opinion, but I’d be really hurt if you excluded my significant other just because they hadn’t had a chance to meet the family yet. I agree with the poster who said that your brother should take responsibility and invite his girlfriend over for dinner or something- I mean really, how hard is it to get together at a restaurant if it’s that important to him? But in the end, your wedding day is a celebration of love between two people. If you exclude your brother’s girlfriend, you are basically expecting him to come celebrate your love while ignoring his. This woman could feasibly be your SIL some day- I think you’d want to start off on the right foot with her. I understand not wanting strangers at your wedding, but couples are a part of a social unit and should NEVER be split up unless the significant other has physically threatened you, stole from you, tried to break you up, etc. Not knowing them isn’t a good reason. I just think this is a really weird hill for you to want to die on.

      As a personal example, my boyfriend’s mother got married a couple years ago. We had been dating I think a little over a year at this point, so I had definitely been around a while and had met most of the inner family, but I had never had a chance to meet their close-knit but out-of-town extended relatives. As she chose to keep invites to mostly family and close friends, I’m sure she wanted the day to be very intimate, and she could have used that as a reason to exclude me. But she wouldn’t hear of me not attending and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to meet some of my boyfriend’s relatives I wouldn’t typically have a chance to see. I don’t think it took any of the focus away from his beautiful mother or her wedding day. If you decide to push this issue, I think you are unnecessarily making your wedding day a point of contention between yourself, your brother and girlfriend, and other family members.

      • Normally, I would agree with you. But my brother has vocally said that he doesn’t feel that it’s necessary to introduce us to her before the wedding. It’s not about not having the chance, it’s about not feeling the need to.
        And to that, I completely disagree. If I’m important enough in his life to have her come to the wedding, I’m important enough to get introduced before hand, so that the wedding day is NOT made all about meeting her.

        • Eh, I can see both sides of it, but I do agree with you. He sounds like he’s being really ridiculous for no good reason!

          I think I’d still invite her for the sake of keeping the peace, but I’d be pissed about it too. And I feel really bad for his girlfriend- I’m sure she feels weird about him refusing to introduce you, and if she came to the wedding, she would have the added stress of meeting a bunch of family on an already emotionally-charged day! I hope your wedding goes well and you don’t have to deal with any more silly drama 🙂

          • Yeah, the decision’s been made. I’ve told him how I feel, and told him that if he wants to come to the wedding to share in the joy of the day with us, then he’s more than welcome to.
            If he feels like he HAS to come just cause he’s family, I honestly don’t want him there.
            Anything that will make the day easier for me and Mike will be for the best.

          • I’ve received invitations from friends that includes “and guest” without expectation of any kind whether or who might accompany me–boyfriend, sibling, or coworker.

            I’ve also been “not” invited by a sibling to my sibling’s 2nd and 3rd weddings, as well as that of my sib’s child. My question is how or whether to acknowledge these “family” weddings.

      • I totally agree that your wedding is just that – YOUR WEDDING – and you should not have to invite anyone you don’t want to – plain and simple. This is especially true if the person paying for the wedding (in my case, not me) is determining that certain people will not be given a “plus one” and others will…that is the person’s decision who is paying! I’m blaming it on that person! For example, my fiance’s sister’s boyfriend is not invited, but none of my fiance’s siblings were given a “plus one” by the person paying…so I refuse to feel “bad” about it.

        • My niece had a very small wedding and no Aunts or uncles were invited. 3 days before the wedding she had a cancellation an I got an invitation. I told her I wouldn’t feel right going without my sister being included. Turns out she had already been invited along with her daughter (over 30 years old). My sister hid that fact from me and I was devastated. I declined to go as the invitation did not include my handicapped husband. The longer it goes, the more angry and hurt I get. Am I wrong to feel this way?

          • The premise of the decision not to invite a good family member is that the person who made the decision had a legitimate reason for not inviting that person. Here, the niece’s “legitimate reason” for not inviting you and your disabled husband appears to be that she wanted to keep the wedding small, perhaps because she and her fiance did not want to incur the expense of additional guests. Assuming that there is no other more legitimate reason for not including you (and your husband), then I would conclude that the niece’s decision reflects that she feels closer to your sister than she does to you (and your husband). But that’s just a guess. There may be other reasons at play. Do you care what those reasons are? Do you want to know, for example, that your husband’s handicap makes your niece uncomfortable? If you want to know the reasons, I’d ask her. You may not get a straight answer, but you can assess whether the answer appears to be truthful or not. If, however, she just feels closer to your sister than to you, and even less close to your husband, and she just needs to draw the line somewhere to avoid incurring another $100 for the reception dinner, are you okay with that? I’m sure that will hurt at first. On the other hand, in time you also might need to admit that there are some relatives you like better than others. Were I to receive an invitation from a niece to her wedding that excluded my wife, I hope that my answer would be to decline by saying, “I’m not comfortable attending your wedding without my wife. It just wouldn’t be very much fun. Enjoy your wedding.” When my daughter gets married and I’m paying for it, I know where to draw the line to avoid expenses I’d rather not incur.

      • You say “significant other”. I saw “girlfriend.” There is a WORLD of difference between those two terms. Yes, I did lose a friend because I refused to invite “boy/girlfriends” to a wedding. We only invited *fiances* because we agreed that this was a wedding, not a casual party, & we refused to have a wedding album full of people we either did not know, &/or who would have disappeared within a month of the wedding. And our instincts were correct: the “friend” I lost was only trying to bring this guy because she didn’t want to have to “show up alone” to our wedding. When she tried forcing the issue by insisting on how much he LIKED me (after our 7 minute meeting at a casual party), I told her to come with other friends who were invited, but she just simply decided not to show up. After telling me she would. And the “serious boyfriend”? She stopped dating him within weeks of being told she couldn’t bring him. The Voice of Experience is telling all you couples out there: stick to your guns, it is *your right*!

  5. I did not invite about half of my mom’s side of the family to my wedding. Two of my aunts were becoming toxic with their anger with the side of her family I get along better with. Long story short, I chose to invite the people I got along with better, and not invite others who I was concerned could cause drama, or had caused drama in the past.

    It was TOUGH. It meant not inviting younger cousins that I wished I could have invited, but their parents were not welcome. It meant not having my biological grandmother there, and it meant saying no.

    I didn’t get a lot of guilt trip about it, my mom agreed whole-heartedly with my decisions, which is great. But not sending that invite to someone who helped raise you, who’s children you helped raise… that’s tough. I’m still sad that their issues and my feelings about them made all this happen.

    • This is the same situation I’m getting ready to be in. Once I get ready to send invitations, most of my mom’s side of the family won’t be invited. They are almost all back-stabbing and conniving, and I’d rather not have them there. They all live several states away, so we hardly see them anyways, but I’m nervous about how they’ll handle it. I think the only people from that side that will be invited are my grandparents and I don’t know how my mom’s 9 brothers and sisters will handle it. Any advice?

    • I’m in this situation now where my fiancé and I have decided to exclude family members from my moms side of the family. Yes they will be hurt and I accept that but not at the price for having to babysit the drama on my wedding day. I cannot have people there who are fake or live through the past. I’m looking for small and intimate with people I want. If you can’t keep my mouth shut and you stir the family drama pot don’t be waiting by the mailbox. I will be using these tips if I have to talk to the excluded and especially with a cousin who feels it’s her duty to give input on everything. Glad I’m not alone and others have similar situations.

  6. I haven’t even sent out invites, just mocked up a guest list and have already encountered trouble. I only want a small ceremony with friends and immediate family, and when I told my mum where we were thinking of going for the ceremony she got upset because my grandparents live not far from the venue. That was just a suggestion for where we could go, and already there was tension and tears and arguing. I kept getting the line “But I’ll have to explain why you don’t want them there, I’ll have to do that” to which I said “Tell them to call me, I’ll explain.” But that wasn’t good enough apparently. I’ve changed all my plans, which I think has sort of turned out for the best, because of that conversation. This has really helped. If we have any other troubles, I will definitely be referring to the wording here.

    • This is everything we are now going through. I struggle in large social situations and my fiancé isn’t close at all to any of his extended family so we want to keep it small. I had the exact same response from mum as you had, but she was very hurtful. However my friends have been really supportive as they have been through the toxic family wedding situation – one couple so bad they eloped – so I am lucky there’s!

  7. I didn’t invite certain family members to my wedding and I’m soo thankful for that. The day was drama free and full of happiness.

    • My niece is getting married and inviting no one from our family. Her mother is a drama queen who falls out with everyone every six months or so, and her daughter is taking a cue from her. I don’t care that I’m not invited, but it is a very nasty thing to do to my 85-year-old widowed mother; this is her first grandchild to be married, and the little darling exploited my mother’s generosity for years. She hit my mother up for tuition money by telling her a sob story, and my mother is not rich. She and her fiance are putting on airs, they think they are society folk now. It may be “her day” but it’s also rather pathetic.

    • I also was not invited to my niece’s wedding, and that was fine with me. I detest weddings, and my sister is also a drama queen, so I avoid her as much as possible. I don’t hold it against my niece.

      When I got married 35 years ago, it never crossed my mind to invite certain people, including my sister. That was just not what I wanted my wedding and my marriage to be about. She was probably hurt, but drama queens are hurt by every little thing.

      Reading these comments, I feel the need to point out this article is supposed to be showing you the DRAMA-FREE way to exclude family/relatives.

      Just do it.

      • Curious. After 35 years, what led you to this site. Serious question. Was it the recent niece wedding that raised the issue. When you first learned of the engagement, did you immediately reply with something like, “That’s lovely. I won’t be attending.” Or, did you have to wait to see if you would be invited, and then turn down the invitation, and how did you do it.

  8. I’m not having toxic relationship drama at all, but more of a meh-i-don’t-care-for-them drama. My father’s sister is nice, we have gone to their place for many family christmasses and she has always sent me birthday gifts. However I have never really spoken to her husband, and my two cousins are, frankly, quite odd. I don’t want to be saying my special vows in front of them, but how could I just invite my aunt without the drama of not inviting the rest of her family?

    • You can’t. You can invite your aunt and her husband but not cousins if you’re not inviting other cousins. But, baring some major reason, if you invite someone, you need to invite their spouse. Feeling “meh” about them is not a reason to invite one but not the other.

      • Agreed. Short-term boyfriend or girlfriends are a gray area, but spouses are a package deal to weddings, unless there is a big issue with one.

        • Anyone who considers themselves a couple, in a relationship, needs to be invited with their significant other. This means that your friends who have been dating for thirty years and your cousin’s girlfriend of one month. Who are you (not you personally, you in general) to judge how valid someone else’s relationship is? My parents dated for 8 years before they got married, while my aunt and uncle got engaged after 3 months of dating. Based on some people’s stupid “no ring no bring” policies (or the “well if they’ve been together X amount of days/weeks/months/years, then it’s fine” mentality), my aunt and uncle would have been split up at their 2 month dating mark, while my parents wouldn’t have, even though my aunt and uncle were clearly much more serious about each other at that point.

          • I partially disagree with you on this. Our wedding is being kept very small, and me and my fiance decided early on that if you aren’t in a relationship at the time we create the guest list, then we aren’t making room for a plus one that we don’t have room for, especially if it’s one that we’ve never met. It’s not that we are judging whether someone’s relationship is or isn’t valid, but that we are drawing the line on who we feel comfortable inviting to our wedding. There are several different reasons why a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend may not be invited and a simple black and white rule that ALL must be invited is a tad unrealistic. Of course, if you’re not inviting someone’s significant other, then there should be some kind of valid reason, I would agree with that, and not just because they haven’t been dating very long or aren’t married (that is unrealistic as well, given the day and age we live in).

            For example, my mother’s boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. I know him, but I also know that he isn’t exactly someone I would want to have at my wedding, because of several things that I won’t get into here but also because of the above rule that we set. I’ve taken ownership of this and have flat out said he’s not invited (similar to the wording above), and am dealing with the potential that she won’t come to the wedding either. I am standing my ground, however, because he is not someone I want there.

          • Again, I must disagree with you; no one was a *right* to be invited to anything. And if a couple sets rules with which they are comfortable, then it’s easier for all concerned. Anyone who takes a non-invitation based on certain rules as being a personal rejection is the one with issues, not the bride & groom. What you call “stupid” other people call wise, especially since it is a common sense idea. Just because you know people for whom it did not apply doesn’t mean most people’s relationships don’t work pretty much that way.

          • I don’t agree. I am having a small and intimate wedding. Only 30 people all together. I don’t want everyone’s boyfriends or girlfriends there if i am not sure that they will still be in the picture 5 years from now. I dont want to look back at my wedding albums 20 years from now and go: ‘who the hell is that dude?’. I had to tell my mother now that her new boyfriend isn’t invited. First off. She’s still married (even though her current husband hasnt been here for 10 years, she’s still married) and dating other people. 2ndly, I am only inviting very intimate family, and very intimate friends. The new boyfriend isn’t in that circle. I dont have a clue who he is, I don’t know him @ all. 3rdly, i cannot garentee they will be together for another year (like i said, you dont want to look back on your photos and wonder who this guy is). 4thly, my mother has a place @ the main table, he cannot sit there! Where will he sit? He knows no-one else @ the wedding. 5thly, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, my mother isn’t paying. So sorry, but if she doesn’t want to come because it is *her right* to bring a plus one and i should grow up, then it really is her own problem. Getting married is a decision of spending a life together, *till death do us part*. I firmly believe in that. Even if nobody still does that today, i still walk the line God wanted everyone to walk. Nobody can force me to invite girlfriends or boyfriends just because of the ‘morale’ standards (which i see as very low standards) of modern days. It is my wedding, and I have *the right* to decide who i want there and who i dont want there.

          • I agree. My boyfriend’s niece is having a huge wedding only two days from now. He and I have been dating exclusively for over two years. I have always been included in his family’s birthday and holiday parties and have felt nothing but love and acceptance from all of them. Until now. I did not receive an invitation. My boyfriend’s invitation didn’t include my name or even “and guest”. But worst of all, my boyfriend’s ex-wife IS invited! They were divorced more than 8 years ago, long before I ever met him, and several members of his family absolutely despise her. Especially the father of the bride, who when confronted by his brother (my boyfriend) said that I am “only” his girlfriend. In my opinion, a long-term very serious girlfriend is certainly much more invitable than an ex, regardless of the fact that their 17 year old daughter will be a bridesmaid. She and I are polite to each other and used to seeing each other at their daughter’s events. There has never been a cross word between us so I see no reason that I should be intentionally excluded. The whole thing has been very hurtful and feels like such a slap in the face to both of us. Also, the bride’s family apparently kept it a secret from the rest of the family that I was not invited. I know this because several of them have spoken to me about the wedding, asked what I am going to wear to the wedding, and I even helped the grandmother shop for wedding clothes! Ouch! Out of loyalty to me, the boyfriend has decided not to attend the wedding. I doubt that our relationship with his brother, niece, and sister-in-law will ever be the same.

    • It all depends on how you word your invitation. Are the cousins older, like over the age of 18? If that is the case you can just exclude them from the invitation. Please keep in mind that excluding her spouse would be extremely rude, especially if other people show up with their spouses and her invitation was just for her.

      What my husband and I did was on our RSVP we printed the recipient’s name and how many guests they were allotted.

      “Mr & Mrs. John Doe
      ___ of 2 attending”

      We only had one person call to say, “hey, I need to bring my grandson…” and then they canceled at the last minute.

    • I see some comments saying you can’t do certain things certain ways, regarding who not to invite.
      I think there are some decisions that may not be nice according to a lot of us, and some decisions that many would think do not have a good enough reason behind them. In the end though, you can still decide to do whatever it is that YOU want.

      It might be seen as mean, it might make a lot of people mad. It might be seen as selfish or cold.

      OR maybe those not invited will be “meh” as well.

      Whatever the case, as the post mentions – you’ll be accountable. So think very hard on it, and make those decisions wisely.
      Do it your way, but own the outcome.

  9. We have been going through this decision making process with my deceased fathers family. The relationships have been tense, to say the least, for about a year now. We had been waffling, him not wanting the there but me not being ready to nail the coffin shut. This all culminated with a grandparent medical issue over the weekend which led to a 30 minute phone call where I was just slammed from top to bottom. It truly is a grieving process. I needed this post so much today. 🙂

  10. Thank you for this. We’re likely going to be going through this with my fiance’s family (specifically his mom) – my Fiance cut off contact with her earlier this year but I expect there to be some form of drama when it comes time to have the invitations come out.

    So bookmarking this.

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