commitment ceremony
Photo courtesy of Offbeat Wed vendor guide member Conjured Events

I have been together with my partner for almost six years. We always spoke about marriage in the abstract, talking about “someday.” Recently my partner confessed that he had been thinking about asking me to be engaged, but he doesn't really want to get legally married. I was confused because engagement, to me, means preparing to get legally married. But legal marriage has never been a priority or dream for me, so I don't really care about not getting married.

I've been thinking about alternative, non-legal commitment ceremonies where we could invite friends to symbolize our commitment without the legal aspect. What kinds of non-wedding commitment ceremonies are there?
-Gwen

There are lots of different reasons that people don't get legally married — from not being allowed to by law, to couples who go for elopements and then want to have a ceremony of some sort at their post-ceremony wedding reception, to folks just not being comfortable with the concept of a marriage license. Can a straight couple have a commitment ceremony? YES!

Ultimately, it's no-ones business why you don't want to make it legal or deal with the legal implications of marrage! Here at Offbeat Wed, we welcome ALL readers, and love the fact that you want to celebrate your commitment to one another, and say screw wedding traditions! So here are five ideas for of non-legal commitment ceremonies and rituals that you can do on your special day, instead of exchanging vows and getting legally married…

Commitment ceremony idea #1: Unity ceremony

unity sandwich on offbeat bride alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)
Read more about the unity sandwich ceremony HERE!


Sure you can have a unity ceremony as part of a legal wedding ceremony, but you can also just do it as a stand-alone! Scroll through our archives of awesome unity ceremonies — we've seen unity ceremonies that go way beyond the common shapes of “unity candle” or even “unity sand.” The idea is just to each contribute to uniting something. Unity sandwich? LOVE IT! Unity cocktail? YES!

Pick your favorite unity ritual, or come up with something all your own and throw a unity ceremony party.

Commitment ceremony idea #2: Just have a wedding, but give it a different name

If you want to skip having the state as a witness in your commitment, and you don't want to call it a wedding, steal this idea from this Formal Feminist *Not Legal* Wedding:

We actually refer to [our non-legal wedding] as a unity celebration rather than a wedding because it was not a legally official or recognised occasion.

Some wedding guests will get crabby if they think you're getting legally married on your wedding day, but you aren't. Using language like “a unity celebration” helps avoid any confusion with guests who may have a lot of assumptions about what the word “wedding” means. You can still cut the cake just like a married couple would at the end of their wedding!

Here are some other ideas for alternative names for a commitment ceremony that we've heard from our readers:

  • Celebration of love
  • Unity ceremony
  • Rite of Union
  • Soul Bonding ceremony
  • Life partner ceremony
  • Promising ceremony

Commitment ceremony idea #3: Exchange vows without a marriage contract

One couple named Ben and Joriel chose to have a non-legal wedding and just exchange vows, because they were upset about same-sex marriage not being legal in their region:

It did take some effort to get all our friends and family on board with the whole not-technically-a-wedding thing, but we felt good about making people think… Saying our vows to each other was the high point of the evening and, in many ways, the high point of our lives thus far.

We printed the words in the program, so we didn't have to worry about speaking up for everyone to hear, and there was no officiant, so we were speaking directly to each other. It was powerful and weepy and unforgettable.

At the end when we kissed, the crowd went wild, encouraged by the note in the program that said, “Please feel free to whoop and holler if you are so moved.”

See? Your non legal marriage ceremony can be full of just as much joy as folks who are legally tying the knot.

Commitment ceremony idea #4: Have a handfasting

Handfasting
Photos of this LGBTQ handfasting by John Newsome Photography

Doing a handfasting is an awesome way of having a wedding-type ceremony without the legalities. You may want to check out our handfasting archives for inspiration as well as these posts:

Commitment Ceremony idea #4: Just say nice things

Sarah and Tim, of Kermit and Miss Piggy fame, had a great idea when they got weddinged. Since they had already exchanged their own vows and done their legal paperwork during a civil ceremony when they eloped, they used their big reception party a year later as an excuse to say nice things to each other…

My husband and I decided that since it wasn't actually a wedding, we would just say nice things to each other instead of actual vows. We kept everything secret until we recited them at the reception and it was too sweet. -Sarah

Commitment ceremony idea #5: Throw a commitment party instead of an engagement party

Just like engagement parties celebrate the fact that you've reached a new place in your relationship, you can throw a party for your non-legal commitment. You can either surprise people with the news of your new commitment and throw a surprise ceremony, or go ahead and whip up fancy non-wedding invitations and throw a big ‘ol party for your new level of commitment. You can even sign a commitment ceremony certificate with your new non-legal spouse.

The only difference is that you're sans paperwork and legal stuff.

We know you have non-legal ceremony ideas. Leave 'em in the comments!

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