My New Year’s resolution is to shut my mouth

Guest post by HazardGirl
You got a purdy mouth…

My New Year's resolution is to shut my mouth about my wedding. Here's why…

Oddly, I know for most people that it is family that gives them a hard time over choices, but in my case it's my friends. Not that anyone is saying “OH! You can't do that!” — they would never do that — they just are all trying to be so “helpful” that they keep wanting me to take things to another level I don't want to go to.

Examples:

Friend 1: Oh, are you going to do rose petals down the aisle outside like I did? It's so pretty!
Me: No, it's a garden, I want to let the living flowers decorate and just go with that.
Friend 1: Oh, you have to though. I'll bring some.
Me: Grrrrrrr.

Friend 2: I have tons of extra sparkly crystals to put around your centrepieces. They're so pretty!
Me: Well, we kind of have this '40s wartime vintage thing happening — they don't really work.
Friend 2: Oh, but you'll love them, remember how sparkly my tables were?
Me: Grrrrr.

Now, my wedding isn't until September, so I know I can talk them down on the specifics they've all dreamed up so far, but I am going on a wedding-talk-shut-down until we get way way closer to the wedding, and everything is done. But, from now on when anyone asks, I'm going with the, “Oh, I want there to be some surprises, we are keeping a bunch of stuff to ourselves!” with a big smile and a change of subject.

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Comments on My New Year’s resolution is to shut my mouth

  1. just a reminder there is a difference between “offer” and “insisting” – I may offer you something just so you know it is available and your polite “thanks, I’d love that” or “no, thank you” is just fine.
    it’s different when people insist, such as the friend who said “You have to though. I’ll bring some” – the best response is “please don’t” – to which can be added “I have something perfect in the works” or “so-and-so is handling that and I know they have a great plan” or whatever works to put an end to the topic.
    if you have it covered and want no help, tell people you’ve got it all decided and deposits have been made – the $ usually seals the deal.

    If you have helpful family or friends, you might email them a list of things you are looking for and if they have them, a good time to drop them off and where. you can specify you are looking ONLY for the items on the list at this time. *be sure to ask if the items have to be returned or say plainly that you only want items that do not have to be returned. anything that has to be returned, must be clearly labeled – make that their job, you have enough to do!*
    Weddings used to involve people in your family or community bringing out their best things to contribute to the celebration and for many, that spirit lives on.
    be glad people think enough of you to want to help make your wedding amazing!

  2. I haven’t had people offering me things, because none of my friends have been married. But as the first one (of my close group) to be married, I’m still getting a lot of “oh… really?! You want That? Oh. Well, that’s…fine. Are you sure?” and etc. Now that this has happened a few times, I’ve decided to keep my ideas to myself, and speak in generalities for the most part. Also: my friends were a bit miffed that I didn’t invite them dress shopping and would like to come to the fitting. I’m now confident that there really should be some surprises, and that it’s really just best to be judicious about what I involve them in.

    • Ha! I already had one of those comments and I’ve only been engaged for a week! My fiance and I have known for ages (way before he proposed) that we wanted to have our first dance to Apocalyptica’s version of ‘Nothing Else Matters’. When I excitedly told my Mom and played it for her, her response was, “There aren’t any words? *pause* It’s so dreary and depressing sounding.”

      :'(

  3. I learned the hard way with my first wedding to stick to my guns- so my well meaning but tres pushy sister didn’t get her way when she kept insisting that we have shimmery favor bags. We will have a small sign at each table telling guests to please take the folding fans and flowers/vases with them as a memento.

  4. I keep trying to get the Mr. to understand the concept of surpising people with things but he keeps telling people what we’re planning and those people have big mouths. He says that the wedding party should at least know all the details and I say no they shouldn’t. It’s partially because I don’t want their opinions getting mixed in on what we should do with our day…that we’re paying for…and partially because I want people to be surprised by what we’ve come up with.

  5. I know this is an older post but I just wanted to thank you for – “Oh, I want there to be some surprises, we are keeping a bunch of stuff to ourselves!” – this sentence will save my life!

  6. I had to shut down Boy’s continual FB posts of “here are the save the dates!” “working on wedding stuff” because we were getting the “can’t wait for my invite” and “I’ll make your cake, message me!” comments. We made a instagram for the wedding and as people get invited they find out about it and will be able to have a little more access to the planning process without including the eeeeentire FB list.

  7. We realized the same thing after very similar “helpful” people commenting on our plans, but also more aggressive people saying, “oh, you cant do that…” “We’ll you have to do this, why arnt you doing that ..” “Thats not very wedding like..” We learnt to not share any details, as i was getting very frustrated and upset about it. As sad as it is not to be able to have nice chit chat with friends, family and colleagues. Its really help with my own peace of mind, and not having doubt with my vision of the day.

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