I'm excited to get married and I'm excited to throw a big party. I love my partner and find a lot of beauty in deciding to make a public and legal declaration of our commitment. While I totally don't believe that marriage is a necessary social contract to validate a relationship, I have knowingly and intentionally become a part of a community that values marriage, and I am proud to have made the decision to celebrate my commitment to my partner with my community.
That being said, I'm more than just a bride-to-be. I am an academic, I am an employee, I am a friend, I am a volunteer, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a social justice advocate, I am a partner, I am a spiritual being, I am a physical being, etc., etc., etc.…
I am not the first, nor shall I be the last, to feel frustrated about gendered bias. It has been written and discussed ad nauseam on the Offbeat Empire (and elsewhere). It makes me annoyed, frustrated, and angry. But it also makes me afraid. I'm afraid if things are like this now that getting wifed will be a new level of matrimonial hell. I know I'm not the only one getting asked about babies.
So what can I do? How can I battle these questions and expectations? This is my plan:
- By making sure that for every question someone asks about the “big day” I make sure to tell them two more things about me that have nothing to do with it.
- By making sure that I put in the effort to ask them questions and start a conversation that's not bridal-centered.
- By talking about how my partner and I are still doing things and living lives that don't have anything to do with wedding plans.
I can't change those around me, but I can change my reactions to them.
Those are the thoughts and words that keep my inner rage monster from spilling out into the real world. I guess there's more than one way the bridethulhu manifests itself.