Husbands and grooms: let’s talk about men changing their last names

When researching the Offbeat Bride book, without a doubt the hottest topic among my labs rats was women changing their last names. One increasingly popular method of dealing with this feminist minefield is both the bride and the groom assuming a new last name. Seems to solve all the problems, right?

Well, turns out that in many states it's significantly harder for husbands to change their last names. As in, hundreds of dollars harder. And now, one brave offbeat groom has teamed up with The American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California (ACLU/SC) to sue the state over a law that makes it easy-peasy for women to assume their husbands' last names — but a pain in the ass for grooms to change their last names. Check out this article from Salon:

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As Michael Buday saw it, the road to matrimonial bliss was a nontraditional one that included taking on his wife's last name, reports the Feminist Daily News Wire. Problem is, according to a lawsuit filed on his behalf by the American Civil Liberties Union, in California men are required to pay upward of $300, file a court petition and advertise their name change for a month in the local newspaper; a woman, in contrast, can change her name through marriage by simply paying a $50 to $80 filing fee. Buday also says he was ridiculed when he tried to legally take his wife's last name at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

The suit, filed Dec. 15 in Los Angeles, complains: “No important governmental objectives exist in making this classification between men and women. Rather, the unequal treatment is nothing more than the mechanical application of traditional, inaccurate assumptions about the proper roles of men and women.” Mark Rosenbaum, legal director of the ACLU of Southern California, told ABC News, “California has the perfect marriage application for the 17th century. The laws reflect a mind-set that the wife is to be subordinate to the husband,” he said. “At every junction, the message is ‘select the name of the husband.'”

I'll keep my celebration brief — my hyphenated last name already gives away my stance on nontraditional approaches to the marriage name game. (In fairness, it was actually my hippie parents who decided on my surname; they each kept their respective last names and lobbed them together to create a new one for me.) I have no real beef with women choosing to take on their husband's last name. But, naturally, leveling out the name-changing playing field would help relieve some feminists' queasiness at the continuing pressure for women to take their spouse's last name. Not to mention that under the current system, it seems that men who might like to take another name are getting an awfully raw deal. Now that the inequity is being addressed, a little fanfare is in order: Woo-hoo!

Related Post Advice for dudes changing their last names

I know a couple men who've taken their wives' last names in two different ways (one got rid of his last name, the other hyphenated),... Read more

How a man can change his last name after getting married

If you're changing your last name to a hyphenate after getting married, we suggest going the easy route using HitchSwitch.

They make the name change process simple, guiding you through the process step-by-step.

Prices start at $39, and they make way easier than dealing with all the paperwork on your own.

However it works out, we wish you all the best!

About the Author: Ariel

@arielmstallings

Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and its sequel (From Shitshow To Afterglow, the ultimate offbeat breakup book) Ariel Meadow Stallings is the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire web properties. She lives in Seattle with her son. To read her latest writing, follow @arielist on Medium.