Marry this, bitches — four ways to save your sanity

Updated Mar 15 2021
findyourafterglow
Gah…urgh…argh!
Photo of Ariel by Heather Corinna
I'm totally burnt out on even THINKING about my stupid wedding.

It's non-stop drama and I'm totally overwhelmed! I feel like I'm starting to get so worked up that I'm no longer thinking clearly.

My clever theme has become irritating, and the prospect of getting my family together sounds like the dawn of WW III. Help?

-Danica

Yeah, it can all start to feel like a bit much sometimes, can't it? There's a whole chapter in Offbeat Bride dedicated to ways to preserve your sanity when planning a wedding (STAYING SANE: How to keep your proverbial shit together), but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Here are five more ways to lift your spirits when you feel like your offbeat wedding is coming apart at its DIY, craftsy seams:

1. Write it out. Sit down and write the nastiest, most graphic letter you can about everything that's gone wrong with your wedding planning and how it makes you feel. Curse out your vendors, describe in detail the ways you're going to beat each of your guests senseless with the handcrafted favors your aunt has told you aren't good enough. Spare no detail, and when you run out of rants, start drawing. How about a lovely picture of your prudish officiant's blood splattered on the sacrificial altar? How do those wedding magazines make you feel? Get it out! Once you're really REALLY done, take your awesome, violent letter out to the backyard or an alley and burn it while waving your arms around and chanting "fuck that shit, fuck that shit." This is performance art therapy!

2. Bury yourself in world news. Nothing like a little attitude readjustment to slap that wedding angst right out of your mind. Oh, I'm sorry: was I just freaking out about my velum paper while people are being burned alive in small villages across the globe? Why, hello there, perspective! It's nice to see you again.

3. Masturbate. A fail-safe solution for many breeds of emotional turmoil and angst, it works for wedding planning stress, too.

4. Get organized. A lot of wedding anxiety is the result of feeling like you're forgetting something or don't quite have a handle on what's still left to do. Take a few minutes to get all your ducks in a row. I loathe theknot.com, but they do have a helpful wedding planning checklist tool, that's extra awesome for offbeat brides because if you're not doing a bunch of the more traditional stuff on the list, you can immediately check those things off. It's infinitely helpful though to have a solid idea of what you've done (yay, accomplishment!) and what's left. In my experience, not knowing what's left to do is more stressful than having a big to-do list. It's like being swarmed by invisible bees, as opposed to swatting flies one by one.

How do you reign it all in when you start to feel overwhelmed by wedding planning?

  1. My wedding is in over a year and plan so far are just adeas being trown around and I'm already stressed out. "staying sane" helps… and this list definatly got a chuckle out me of… thanks! (I forget my myspace address but I'm number two on your friends list lol)

  2. i'd definitely have to agree on the masturbation point, but I feel dumb, because had i randomly seen the 'vulva' sculpture, I'd have never known that that was what it was ::blush::

  3. it's soooo easy to get overwhelmed. everyone wants tell you how to do your wedding…but it's not there's! Sometimes it's good to distance yourself from the folks who are strangling you with their ideas so you can stick to yours!

  4. Hi Ariel,

    I stumbled upon your page after looking at some photos from my friend Michelle Goodman's book-signing party. I love this photo of you on the train tracks. Is this included in your book?

    Hannah

  5. got here via 'que sera sera.' been engaged for 2 months, getting married in 2 more. the way i figure, if you spent a year and a half pulling your wedding together, you'll over-analyze every detail, and then when things go wrong, you'll be devastated, because you spent a year and a half planning the damn thing. however, if you throw it together in 4 months, you make waaaaay more 'the dress fits, i'll take it' decisions, and then when things fall apart on the big day, you say 'well of course that happened. we threw the thing together in 4 months!' and then you have a swig of your champagne and carry on dancing because hey, your groom didn't bail.

  6. this was exactly what i needed. sitting at work with 2 weeks to go, on the verge of tears because i'm emotional lately about freakin everything (seriously if my period doesn't come today somebody's going to get hurt).
    i actually laughed at loud at the bride/vulva pic.
    a million thanks.

  7. The dress in the vulva sculpture picture is one I'm seriously considering. If I end up going with that one I'll be snickering all that day :-D.

  8. *giggle*
    yep, I have other more stressful things to worry about than the wedding. lets think about those now instead!

  9. Oh, wow, LOL, thanks for this. I couldn't get the picture to work either, but just the thought made me giggle.

    I will also recommend weddingwire.com for planning. I just signed up (for free) last night and so far it's outta this world. They have everything there, you can even export info to Excel spreadsheets (GEEK-LOVE!!)…

  10. As an art therapy student, I have to say that I seriously LOL'd at #2. I want to turn that into an official intervention!

  11. Love the advice, also love theknot. It gives really awesome etiquette advice, but isn't as offbeat as I want it to be. I was originally looking for wedding cake designs on theknot, but all the cakes made me want to puke with how BORING they were. So I looked and stumbled on this site. So psyched now because we're having a mix of traditional and nontraditional. Star Wars meets A Midsummer Night's Dream. ^_^

  12. I am so glad this was put on the main page today. It's JUST what I needed to read!
    I have two lab write-ups, a big test, and 2 term paper drafts due between this week and next and I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Even though it's not wedding stuff driving me crazy, this is still sound advice. I can always count on OBB to make me feel better 🙂

  13. I thoroughly enjoy the first option! I have a feeling that will be used quite a bit. Love it love it love it! ^_^

  14. I'm so glad you re-posted this today it is becoming increasingly more relevant to my wedding planning "adventure".

  15. Best advice I got while planning: Take a moment to enjoy the excitement and closeness you feel with your future spouse during this brief phase of your relationship. You'll have many years together after the wedding but only a few months leading up to it. Revel in it! The person you marry is what matters, and the right spouse will make you happy long after you've forgotten the flavor of your wedding cake!

  16. It's a shame so many bride's are totally stressed out the day of their wedding. If you just keep it simple, go with the flow, trust the professionals you hired, you might enjoy one of the most important days in your life. & remember, no second chances!

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