Let freedom ring

November 6 2008 | arielmstallings

I do my best to keep offbeatbride.com positive (cuz I'm all about being proactive as opposed to bitchy), but today I was inspired by this post from Alan at Eating Out Loud:

So, I awoke this morning to learn that my relationship with my partner is no longer valid. It’s no longer legal. It’s somehow sub-par, not equivalent, not worthy of protection. And you know what? I’m pissed and tired of holding it in.

I decided to snap a photo of my wedding band placed on a slightly different finger than normal to express exactly how I feel toward every single person who voted Yes on Prop 8. It’s my personal version of ‘let freedom ring’. The battle for equality changes course but it’s very far from over.

I’m sure some of you will believe in Prop 8 and that’s your right. Please make sure to update your reader to remove my blog and to delete any bookmarks to my site. I won’t take it personally but as for Prop 8 and your intrusion on my life … I take it very personally.

I welcome supporters of gay rights to snap your own photo showing your wedding ring on your middle finger. Spread the word that this fight isn’t over. Whether you’re gay, straight, bi, white, blue or tan — show your support by letting freedom ring on your blog! Please forward this page to any friends and family who may find it of interest.

(Thanks for the heads up, Riona!)

  1. Im really sorry – its so unfair.
    Change like this comes in baby steps with a lot of hard work and many tears.

    This WILL turn around one day and like the ability for women to vote, the ability to marry whomever one chooses will be taken as a given and not a right.

    Hang in and know that you are living and making history. You are paving the way for others down the road.

  2. I am so sorry we failed this time around. I am just dumbfounded that my fellow Californians voted to increase the rights of farm animals while stripping the rights of their fellow citizens. Truly dumbfounded.

    But I am positive that this is our generation's fight and that we will win it. So much work left to be done but it will happen, I promise you.

  3. Right on. I have hope that we've elected an African-American president; now for the queer civil rights battle, we still have a long way to go, but I hope that someday in my lifetime, my marriage will be recognized.

  4. I agree completely. As a former Californian I am appaled.
    Many famlies have been destroyed and it is just plain wrong.
    I continue to hold to the hope that lawsuits can work.

  5. Not to rain a parade on the "no longer valid" part…

    But news.yahoo.com and cnn.com both show results that the marriages are currently still considered valid – though they ARE in "legal limbo".

    Though don't get me wrong, I was crushed to find that they passed Prop 8. As a polyamorous bisexual female (that's a mouthful!) myself, I'm angered beyond belief that people could somehow find this morally okay.

    On an uplifting note, "But in San Francisco, the mayor said his government will continue issuing same-sex marriage licenses until he's stopped. " (Source: http://www.cnn.com )

  6. I live across the street from a Christian Fellowship here in Cali . Every Sunday during the month of October, children as young as 10 years old were passing out Yes on 8 fliers in my neighborhood. Everytime I passed one of these children, I would politely ask them what Prop 8 was. Not once did these innocent pawns have an answer to my question.
    I am so distraught that this intolerent propostion passed and hope that one day if I am blessed to have a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transagender son or daughter I will be able to enjoy a -legal- union between them & the person they choose to LOVE.
    The fight is definately not over.
    Thanks for the post Ariel, I've been needing to get that out!

  7. wouldn't it be great if all of us who brushed up on our political kung fu to get involved in obama's campaign just decided to keep the ground game rolling and forge ahead with that same intensity for same-sex rights? when you've got momentum, it's harder to stop than it is to keep going.

    more phone banks. more traveling to other states. more spreading the word. it's the best cure for post-election withdrawal.

  8. I flipped off my cameraphone in kind. Prop 8 is so mean-spirited and divisive, as are all of the other antigay ballot questions that appeared this year. My partner and I are deeply lucky to live in MA.

  9. i expected this much from florida, but CALIFORNIA?? really?? it's so sad that we have come so far as to be able to elect a man to office despite the color of his skin, and yet we still can not allow everyone the same rights to marriage. riiiiiiiiiiiiiidiculous.

  10. How is it even legal to put civil right up for a vote? This is what our judicial system is for – to protect the rights of minorities. Leaving rights and liberties up to the majority to decide is unconstitutional itself….ugh.

    A kick in the teeth indeed!

    My wife and I married on 10/25/08 in WA.

  11. I am so, so sorry to hear about this. In NZ we have civil unions but still not legal marriage. As another commenter said, you are paving the way for others. This is the civil rights fight of our generation.

  12. This pretty much sums up my reaction, too. (second reaction, actually, as my first step was to break into histerical tears) Something a lot of my friends have pointed out which helps a bit is just how much of a stand the younger generations of voters made against prop 8 and similar measures in Arizona, Florida and Arkansas. Change IS coming. I know it's absolutely nerve-wracking that it won't come overnight, but we are making steps forward. This might have been a stumble backwards, but the issue is getting pushed and perhaps now it's been pushed enough that this kind of discrimination can be taken to the courts and settled once and for all.

    But until then, I'm so blogging my own photo to let freedom ring. 🙂

  13. One step forward (Obama), two steps back (Prop 8). I can't wait until I'm an old lady and we elect our first gay president, so I can tell my grandchildren how incredibly stupid and backward the US was when I was young.

  14. I'm confused, where is Ariel's middle finger? Or is that her middle finger? I got the impression it was "Alan's" finger.

    I'm gonna go dig out a ring that looks like a wedding band and snap a picture of my finger!

    (I don't have an actual band yet, so I'm gonna fake it!)

  15. Ariel, I totally appreciate how positive you aim to make this space, but thank you for the support.

    I am just so angry and so sad, and then I'll be fine for a while, then I will break into tears.

  16. I am in shock that California ACTUALLY passed this. Floored.

    Florida was expected and even though I had higher hopes for my home state of Arizona on Prop 102 (we voted against the ban TWO YEARS AGO) our streets were littered with "Say Yes to Marriage, Say Yes on 102" propaganda filth.

    My heart goes out to everyone effected by this.
    I'm so sorry.

  17. Ugh, it makes me so so so sad. The last time a country told people who loved each other that they could not marry was Nazi germany. As a Californian, I really thought we could do better than that.

  18. Proposal 8 made 'unconditional love' totally conditional. Conditional depending on the fact that one of you has a penis and one has a vagina.

    How sad.

    I may be a straight woman with a straight hubby. But I don't see why two people who are in love can't be married? Does it really matter what their genitals look like?

    I said this same thing about Obama, and people bashing him. Does it really matter what color his skin is?

    Some day, I'll live in a world without all this hatred.

  19. What's also sad is that I have relatives who grew up during the Jim Crow era that refuse to see how this relate to what they have been through in those days. I'm truly surprised that California of all the US states have done this.

  20. It's horrible – as a former Californian, I'm incredibly ashamed.

    At the very least, gay marriage is finally legal in Connecticut (my new state, coincidentally). And we voted down the constitutional convention question during this convention, so it looks like it'll stay that way!

    It gives me hope that the rest of the country will come around someday…

  21. Every time there's a big jump forward, socially, the period right before the jump happens is characterized by people digging in their heels and trying their damndest to drag everyone back with them. This sucks in the short term, but can never hold back progress forever.

    Have hope.

  22. This makes me so very sad……

    Two things:

    1. This too shall pass

    2. As long as there are people who stand up and speak out about what is wrong, we can all live in hope

  23. It really wasn't so long ago we were chanting "Integration NOW! Segreation NEVER!". Many of the people who voted YES on Prop Hate would never dream of voting yes to a ban on interacial marriage in this day and time. Why on gay marriage? Don't you see that you are segregating a group of people based on who they love?

    Prop 8 can't stop love and closed minded bigotry won't stop the fight.

    My heart goes out to all those who have been caused heartbreak by this.<3

  24. Ariel,

    Thanks for posting this, it's really important to me and I was devastated to hear the result.

    The fact that gay marriage is not legal raises huge feelings of guilt and pain for my (straight) fiance and me. We are trying to think of ways to help the cause. We know some straight couples have foregone marriage altogether though we're not sure that this really works for us or helps the greater goal of legalizing gay marriage.

    Could you maybe help us out by posting an article where those planning straight weddings can share ideas about how to recognize and overturn this injustice?

    We were thinking of "registering" for an overturn-Prop-8 fund instead of gifts, and also donating $5 per guest to said fund rather than give out stupid favors. Would love to hear others' ideas.

  25. Tirzah, I'm just as sad that my home failed me, but we're not all backwoods yokels. It was a pretty small margin, the passing, and many of my fellow Floridians are pissed as hell.

    Separate is never equal :[

  26. Would my fellow Californians have voted so overwhelmingly to expand their rights if the farm animals were gay?

    A stupid little joke I came up with. It helps me deal with my anger.

  27. I've posted a middle finger ring for you and your partner, girl! When something like this happens, I find it so shocking because I can't comprehend people feeling so strongly against something like gay marriage. Blows your minds…

  28. i find this whole thing stunning. such a huge step backwards! i have my "freedom ring" pic up as my facebook profile picture and i've shared the link to the story!

  29. I'm in shock. On one hand a great monumentous even just happened that I am still celebrating. The there's this.

    But on tuesday night I witnessed Jesse Jackson, speachless with tears in his eyes at the wonderful a piece of history he was watching unfolding. His fight reached a milestone that night.

    For those of us supporting gay marriage, we still have yet to find our King. But with faith and love we know, "We shall overcome."

  30. I love the pix!
    I just want to clarify something you said…I am a lesbian minister who has married a lot of gay couples, and I also got married a few weeks ago; our marriages are still COMPLETELY valid! In fact, to make them invalid it would have to go to the supreme court which is the same court that ruled twice that we can get married. When a law goes into effect, it isn't retroactive for what happened before the law.
    So for now, stand proud! We did it! In the future, we will be the 'lucky ones' who are legally married! We love using the term 'Mrs and Mrs'!

  31. Hi I have a question, ( to Juile) what state are you in?? To others Im kinda lost on which state legalizes gay marriage?, I know my state doesnt(ohio) because my niece married a woman and sadly I didnt know this til 5 months after the wedding event took place because of my narrow minded relatives did not tell me about the wedding. My niece didn't know that I wasn't told about the wedding and they have been married almost two years now,sorry to babble on here. By the way Julie congrats to you and your wife!

Read more comments

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.

Biz owners & wedding bloggers

Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.