How to walk down the aisle when you’ve got two moms

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I have lesbian parents and I was wondering how I ask one mother over the other to walk me down the aisle? I am planning on asking my ‘other' mother, that is my non-birth mother, to honor the special relationship we have. But even the thought of it makes me feel like I am, 1) totally giving into lesbian parent stereotypes by asking her to fill a traditional ‘father' role, and 2) leaving my birth-mother out of the ceremony. Have any other children of gay parents struggled with this dilemma? -Carmen

nancy-and-bouquetMy husband, who also has two moms, lucked out on not having to deal with this particular challenge — his “other mother” Susan is quite shy, and making her get up in front of a crowd during our ceremony was her worst nightmare. We had Dre's mom Nancy act as our ring-bearer (and my bouquet holder) during the ring exchange, while Susan happily watched from her spot on the lawn.

For your situation, one option would be to create a wonderful role for your biological mother in the ceremony, because you're right: asking one mother and not the other has the potential ruffle some feathers. If you find a well-suited way for her to participate in the ceremony, it'll likely be less of an issue that your other mother is involved in the traditional “dad” role. I don't know your mom, so I'm not sure what the best suggestion is here — my mother is super musical and loves an audience, so she sang our recessional song.

If you want to avoid the “lesbian dad” gender issues of having your other mother step into the typical father role, then I'd advise having them BOTH walk you down the aisle! Jewish brides are traditionally walked down the aisle by both parents, and if Andreas and I hadn't walked down the aisle together, I would have borrowed the “both parents” tradition.

Also, it would behoove you to talk to your biological mother about this — it may be that, like Dre's other mother, she doesn't WANT to be part of the ceremony and would rather have the luxury of just watching. Alternately, she may have ideas for how she wants to get involved that wouldn't cross your mind.

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Comments on How to walk down the aisle when you’ve got two moms

  1. I went to a wedding years ago and the bride had her mother and father walk her down the aisle… one on each arm. I thought that was very sweet. It could work for two moms or two dads!

  2. My mom and dad both walked me down the aisle (and my husband was also walked down by both of his parents), I recommend having both of them with you!! 🙂

  3. When my mother and stepfather got married, they each had both their parents walk them down the ailse – and they had a Roman Catholic ceremony. I thought it was great, and will most likely do the same if I ever get married.

  4. I also am the proud daughter of two moms. I'm choosing to have my bio-mom walk me down the aisle and her partner (my other mother) will be our officiant. 🙂

  5. Even though my wife and I had both our parents walk us down the aisle because it was Jewish tradition, I'm finding most couples are going this route lately! Both lesbian weddings I photographed this month had both their parents walk them down the aisle and they weren't Jewish, but it felt natural to walk down the aisle that way.

  6. Getting walked down the asile with both parents was fantastic. Here is reccomending that. Since we had a Jewish wedding my partner did the same, and we wouldn't have had it any other way.

  7. I also had both my parents walk me down the aisle, just make sure the aisle is big enough. Our aisle was made of shells on either side and it was a little small, so my mom actually stepped on one during the walk.. but otherwise it worked out great!

  8. My sister was walked down the aisle by both our dad and her stepdad, and made sure to have a special dance with both of them. When the three of them reached the end of the aisle and the minister asked who gives her away, my mom and her mom both got up and all 4 parents said "we do".

  9. Walking down the aisle was probably my favorite part of my wedding. My parents both walked down before me, then stopped mid-aisle. I walked down alone, met them, kissed them, and then waited while they went to their seats. My husband then came and met me halfway and we walked down the rest of the way together. I loved getting to honor both my parents, but also wanted to walk alone (I objected to being "given away.") But the best was that moment of my husband coming down to meet me – it was like we were the only 2 people in the room. This would work for a whole variety of family permutations (parents! stepparents! two moms!)

  10. Not only are both bride and groom walked down the aisle by both their respective sets parents in Jewish weddings, all the parents also stand with them under the chuppah. Shoshana

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