My future husband and I are nearing the six-month mark until our wedding, and planning and preparations are ramping up. One detail that's been plaguing me ever since I bought my dress has been figuring out what I'm going to do with the length. It's a beautiful, full-length gown, absolutely outstanding as it is. But I've always loved the idea of a tea-length gown. So cute and flirty. Slightly offbeat, while still looking vintage and chic. So much easier to dance in.
So I go back and forth, back and forth, on this decision. The past six weeks or so, I was gung-ho about getting it shortened. Then, one night, I was telling my partner about how I was once again reconsidering. While I listed out the pros and cons of leaving my dress full-length, I could see his eyes begin to glaze over. “Mm-hmm,” he said as I talked, stifling a yawn.
Which was when I realized: Who the hell cares?
There are lots of instances when it's completely valid to get frustrated because your partner isn't interested in what you're saying. But in this case, it was a wake-up call.
The only person who's at all concerned about the length of my wedding dress is me. Which I should have known, because when I dropped the bomb on my mother and sister about possibly, OMG, maybe getting my dress shortened, their response was pretty much, “Cool! Sounds cute! So what else is up?”
I'm the only one who might have any regrets about what I wear, regardless of what my final decision is. The way I look when I get married will be slightly altered no matter what I do with my dress, but it's not going to have any other effect on our wedding.
My partner was never particularly interested in having a wedding. Which, I know, we've talked about a lot: How do you deal when your person just doesn't care about the details? How do you get them involved? How do you make sure that it's really just about the wedding, not about the reality of committing your lives to each other?
And those are important issues, but in this case, it wasn't about trying to wrangle an opinion out of him. It was about recognizing that sometimes I lose myself in the details. And being the partner who says “I really don't care what our cake looks like, or what the table decorations are — it's all the same to me,” well, it seems like that can be really freeing.
I could really learn something from that adorable guy I'm marrying.
What surprising lessons have you learned from YOUR partner during wedding planning?