More than half our guest list is unable to attend our wedding. As a result, we've gone from having a small wedding to having a microscopic one. I keep waffling between thoughts of, “This is awesome!” and, “Ohfuckohfuck, what will people think?!”
My partner-in-crime Steve and I had planned on a small wedding from the start. We're both introverts with small social circles and a fondness for intimate gatherings over large parties. We assembled our guest list and weren't surprised that we'd only come up with 30 people. Everyone we invited was so enthusiastic, but since I'm from Florida and Steve's from Ontario we knew some of the guests wouldn't have the money for traveling.
What we didn't expect is that none of our Canadian guests will be able to attend our Florida wedding, or that my partner's half of the wedding party would back out at the last-minute.
So now I'm facing the reality of an itty bitty wedding, with maybe 10 people there — including us. I'm freaking out and having flashbacks to childhood, when I was often bullied for “having no friends.” I'm scared of being judged. I'm afraid people will wonder what the point is of such a small wedding. I worry they'll say our wedding isn't “real.” I'm scared it will all be a big waste of fabulous decorations and finery, that everyone will hate us, and that we are horrible people.
Logically, I know these fears aren't going to materialize. The people who will be there are some of our best friends, people I've known since middle school, people who have grown to love Steve as much as I do. They will love our colorful decorations. They'll enjoy our short-but-sweet ceremony, which is being officiated by one of my oldest friends. They'll have a fucking blast playing Rock Band and board games with us all night. And they'll adore the random-but-delicious assortment of food we'll have at our potluck style dinner. We'll have a small but boisterous party into the wee hours and take gorgeous professional photos.
But that insidious voice of Doubt is still there, whispering awful little what-ifs into my mind.
I want to kick these negative thoughts about our compact wedding to the curb. They're untrue, and they only serve to make me feel bad. I don't deserve to feel bad. I'm a fantastic person hosting a fantastic wedding. In the name of positivity, here's my list of everything that can be awesome about itty bitty weddings:
- We don't lose money if someone backs out at the last-minute. Since our dinner will be potluck style, there's no final headcount that must be provided to anyone.
- The potential for leftovers after our potluck is very high! We'll have all kinds of goodies we can bring back to our hotel room for nomming the few days we're down there after the wedding.
- We'll be able to spend one-on-one time with all of our guests, easily.
- We'll be able to take pictures with all of our guests. Wrangling everyone together for group photos will be fairly easy with so few people.
- Everyone will get plenty of opportunities to play Rock Band, instead of having to wait around for a turn.
- Cleanup will be easy with fewer people present to make a mess.
- We don't have to worry about kicking people out when the party is over; it will be simple to gather everyone together, give a little speech thanking them all for everything, and say goodbye.
- No need for microphones during the ceremony or during any speeches that may happen. Everyone will be fairly close together and within earshot.
- Every guest is contributing something to the wedding: food, photography, officiating, decorations, and lots of enthusiasm. It's symbolic of how much these people have contributed to my life, to Steve's life, and the whole day will celebrate that.
- It will be markedly less terrifying to say our vows in front of 10 people than it would have been in front of 30 people.
- Steve and I will be able to sneak away from everyone and steal a few minutes of alone time if we need them.
- Much fewer Thank You's to write after all is said and done.
I'd love to hear from those of you who had really tiny weddings — what was awesome about it?