Is this bridal enough?: The great WHITE lie

Updated Oct 12 2015
Guest post by Ocelot

These gowns are both made by Allure. One is the Allure Wedding Dress 8802, and the other is from Allure's prom line Night Moves. Aside from perhaps a difference in belt width, this is the same damn dress — COLOR is the only difference. In white, this dress is about twice as costly because the white one is largely considered a lovely "once in a lifetime" gown and the grey is well… just a dress.

Doesn't that just twist your knickers?

I started off not wanting a lot of the normal wedding trappings, like flowers and so on. But, little by little, I've given into the ideas of some of these things in order to make others happy, or, because alternatives were too difficult or expensive. Somehow, I have latched onto "the dress" as the single thing I would have complete control over. Short of drugging me, one could not force me to wear something I didn't want!

However, I AM feeling the same pressures to "give in" to a gown in the white family, like ivory or eggshell. Maybe not pressure, but a general lack of support which all started with this one nasty sentence: "You don't want to look like a bridesmaid at your OWN wedding, do you?"

I wish I could remember who said it, so I could slap the shit out of her, but it wouldn't matter. I've heard so many variations on that particular cutting remark that I'd probably have a sore slapping hand by now.

A few people are immediately dismissive of a non-white dress, but over time they begin saying things like, "How will we know who the bride is?" and, "You will look like you're going to prom!" and everything in between. It's started to seep into the more doubtful and anxious parts of me and I start to wonder — "Is this BRIDAL enough?"

I don't even know what "bridal" means. Does it mean white and expensive? Because that's all I can find. If it's white, it's automatically bridal, no matter what it is. If it's any other saturated jewel-tone color, I feel I have to add things to ensure that BRIDAL feel — a veil, a train, a pile of flowers. I also feel like I'll have to find a "better" reason than personal preference to divert from white just so that people will understand.

If YOU'RE feeling pressure to "give in" to a white dress, check out these colored dress tags for some inspiration:
Red dresses
Blue dresses
Gold dresses
Pink dresses
Purple dresses
Black dresses

Sometimes I wonder who could be so stupid as to show up at my wedding at my request, and then not remember I'm the fucking bride without a visual cue. Maybe I'll huck the bouquet directly at 'em — that'll jog their memory!

I wish I could be more confident in the choice to go with a non-white dress. I see so many lovely women here with alternative apparel and I am so dazzled. I wish I could borrow their courage and their determination!

I would like to know how people came to their choices and stuck by them. Anyone want to share?

  1. I'm wearing a red dress and couldn't be happier! After I tell people I usually get "red? Wow" in that derogatory tone people get when they think you are stepping too outside the box. This is YOUR wedding and you should wear any color in the rainbow. Or even the rainbow if it fits you. Don't let anyone dictate your wishes. This is why I LOVE offbeat bride. It's perfect!

  2. I wore a beautiful red dress. It was a wedding dress from Alfred Angelo. Red is actually a lucky wedding color in Chinese and Indian cultures (not that I am either). All I got was complements. I did have a carnival themed wedding though, so people already knew it was going to be different.

  3. I am wearing a black dress. I am not gothic but i do wear black most of the time and could never imagine wearing a white dress or any thing in the white spectrum! I did consider for a short while, a fuchia coloured dress… my mother wasn't suprised when i told her i would be wearing black, my mother in law wasn't suprised and she was really supportive. I have thought will i look like the bride? and not a bridesmaid!

  4. In my early stages of wedding planning. I knew I wanted a purple dress. I come from a very traditional family but they knew me enough to know the white wedding gown was not in the cards. I didn't have a dream dress from when I was little but after getting engaged things just started clicking. My mom actually found the perfect dress online, a deep purple corset dress made out of taffeta with black embroidery and a full, princess skirt. This was perfect for my renaissance festival wedding. We got permission from the England-based seamstress to use a stateside seamstress and got to working on my custom gown. Many arguments ensued over bridesmaid dress color because I wanted short, black, and strapless (bc they wore fairy wings and the wings needed to slide in the back of the dress). My mom and sis were adamant about no black because of the dark purple of my gown. So we settled on a light, silvery gray. With that color contrast and the fact that my wings were twice the size of theirs, nobody mistook me for a bridesmaid 🙂

    My point to this long winded comment is that if your heart is set on a colored dress then do it and just make sure the bridesmaid dresses (if you are even having bridesmaids) are contrasting on either color, length, or both from your dress. Just do what will make you feel the most happiest and the most beautiful on your wedding day 🙂

  5. How 'bout go with non-white, and make your bridesmaids dresses white? Or bridesmaids similar but less elaborate? Have you never noticed that at most weddings the groom wears a black tuxedo, and the groomsmen wear black tuxedos? Make it whatever you want! You don't want to look back in ten years and wish you'd done it the way you wanted. Just do it!

  6. My wedding dress is black, cut low in the front and the back, with a large bejeweled butterfly across my mid-section and across the small of my back. It also has a slit up one leg. I love it.

    But when I tell people I have a black dress, their eyes go wide and they exclaim, "Seriously?!" To which I respond, "Yes, is that a problem?" At which point, they just shake their heads and say, "Well, that's interesting." with a half-smile.

    If something really matters to you, ignore everyone else and do what YOU want to do. It's YOUR wedding. Hopefully, you'll only have one, so make it work for you.

  7. My wedding attire is neither a dress nor white. I'm wearing a shades of blue ensemble for a wedding at the Texas Renaissance Festival.

  8. Good call on reviving this two-year-old article…and great points to the person who wrote it and all who contributed! I hate that white dresses (or ivory, or whatever) are marked up just because it's "the bridal color." I love the old-timey tradition of wearing one's best dress to one's wedding, regardless of color, and I despise that the bridal-white tradition began as an indicator of virginity/sexual purity. Barf.

    I am wearing a dress whose color I can't really describe…nude/blush/taupe? I had a very hard time finding it and almost had to buy a white dress specifically so I could dye it the color I wanted, but then found the color I had been searching for at the last minute…thus saving my bathtub from becoming a dye vat. Hooray!

    I chose the color because I am getting married in the red-rock desert in southeastern Utah, and I saw a florist's photo shoot of her floral designs with a "bride" (volunteer model) wearing a dress in that color. It looked so perfect in the setting…it really harmonized with the landscape itself, and outdoor adventuring/appreciating nature is a big part of what my future husband and I love to do together. I wanted my dress (and he wanted his outfit, too) to feel like it was a part of the location itself. Bridesey white or even ivory would not do the trick.

    I ended up emailing the florist to ask if she knew anything about the dress. She was so sweet and said she still had it, and offered to sell it to me really cheap! Unfortunately it was a size 2 and I am a size 12! I despaired of finding a dress in the perfect color, but was so glad I could locate one.

    And yeah, anybody who tries to pull the "how will I know you're the bride if you're wearing some weird blush-taupe-nature-freak color instead of WHITE?" will get my paper-flower bouquet straight in their face. DUH, IT'S OUR WEDDING. OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'M THE BRIDE AND HE'S THE GROOM!!

  9. I wore a green dress on my big day (if you search Annie and Kyle on this site you'll see me!) and I loved it and totally felt like a 'bride'. I did however wear ivory shoes and a veil and carried a bouquet so it still looked quite typically 'bridal'. I just wanted to let you know that I've haven't regretted it for a second, even seeing my friends getting married in white dresses hasn't made me feel pages for a white dress myself. Anyway, the best advice I have for planning any part of your wedding that is VERY important to you (and it sounds like this is) is to go deep within yourself and listen to what it is that you truly want. If what you want is a non white dress then I say find the dress that you love and makes you feel amazing and then say, "fuck you!" to anyone who has an issue with it!

  10. I refuse to wear a white gown. Not really out of rebellion, but moreso in that I have no interest in white. I like blue. And silver. And so, right now I'm going to be wearing a silver gown (that I've designed and created, of course, as I'm a costumier/designer) with a blue cape and hood. It will be spectacular. Then I will wear it to all sorts of places because something I've put that much love and work into does not deserve to sit in a box.

  11. I'm a firm believer that if you love the dress then you should get the dress, other people's opinions be damned. From childhood I always thought I would go with some 'crazy,' completely non-traditional thing that everyone would probably hate because it wasn't 'normal.' (Of course I also thought I would *never* get married…) I was ready for some brightly colored Ren-faire fare or a slinky, sexy mermaid from a high-end designer I love. I ended up falling in love with a beautiful, ivory wedding dress from a mainstream wedding store. It's a bit unique in that it has a flower-print chiffon in the front, but it's not at all what I pictured. And yet I couldn't have been happier. Go with your gut instinct. No one knows what's best for you like you do! (And never underestimate the awesome power of non-traditional accessories to make even a mainstream wedding dress look offbeat and unique.)

    Hope you found something that was perfect for you!

  12. I think the trend of white bridal gowns needs to die already. I don't think the bride should HAVE to wear any particular colour to feel like the bride. She shouldn't even feel pressured into wearing a dress if she doesn't want to.

    I'm wearing a magenta gown, because I love colour, and white gowns don't appeal to me. In many ways I'm a traditional woman, but I find white dresses too boring. I'm going to feel bridal because I WILL be the bride.

  13. You know what the cure for this is?
    They have white prom dresses.
    When I bought my prom dress(theme colors were white, black, and baby blue), I was determined that it would *be* my wedding dress, because it is perfect for both. I refused(and still do) to adhere to the idea that I would spend 140$ (+++) and only wear a dress once.
    Screw that, with a spoon!!

  14. The last time I got married, I wore a red laced wedding dress. It was suppose to be a winter/valentines themed wedding but had to put it back to July, it was hot and I had nothing else to wear that would mean "bridal". Looking back I should have worn one of my short dresses I already had and would have had a better wedding day. Now my daughter tried on the wedding dress and her fiance wants her to wear it but she decided on her black laced prom dress because she felt most beautiful in that dress. Which is fine by me so that leaves me to figure out how to wear the dress again without looking bridal… my daughter says to pull up the train and wear it to a themed ball or steampunk convention or be the "red queen" for Halloween… I just may do that after all instead of leaving the gown in the closet to collect dust! I say wear what ever you feel most comfortable in and feel beautiful for your big day, in the end its your wedding and your style!!

  15. OMG – and I try not to say that much – Of course you'll know who the bride is – I mean you did know her yesterday when she was wearing street clothes didn't you?

    Ahem

    Way back when – Read medieval times, brides did not wear white to their wedding since it was too difficult to dye fabric white. They wore blue, it was the colour of purity before white became traditional * sticks tongue out* : ) or as I've just read they wore whatever fabric was most expensive/opulent e.g. fur, velvet, lace, jewels etc

  16. I am so digging that I'm not the only one loving the blue dress idea… my issue is deciding on shade/hue right now but I am so in love with my dress being my 'something blue', I am pale with pink/red undertones so any whites or off whites look horrid on me, and I would probably find someway to stain the stupid thing in the first 5 minutes.

  17. My dress is a teal prom dress, like our wedding colors. I bought it from a second hand store for less than $20. The only problem I can forsee is the weather since we moved our wedding up to January. I've gotten off hand snide comments from family. It's my wedding, if they want to be jerks they can stay at home!

  18. I have always said I won't wear a white dress. I never wear white on the top half of my body. I don't like how I look. I look fabulous in bright, strong colours. Why would I want to feel uncomfortable on my wedding day?

    That said, after buying my beautiful purple dress, I find myself worrying the same thing as you. But I know those doubts come solely from those shows.

    My solution to the white problem is likely to put any bridesmaids in white. They can look pasty.

  19. I had a very particular dress I wanted. I wanted red in my dress but I wasn't a fan of anything David's bridal had and I was concerned with ordering it online (especially since the one I really liked was way out of price range and their return policy stunk). I was out costume shopping with my sis and we dropped into a department store and lo and behold my dress hung in the formal department. Does it look like a million bucks, no, but it was exactly what I've always dreamed I would wear. (And it costed less than any of my prom dresses.)
    If cost is a thing, might look at goodwill or salvation army or that sort. I've seen really nice dresses there.
    And channeling one of my bridesmaids, it is your day, and what makes you feel like a princess is whatyou should do.

  20. I wore a short leopard print dress with a sort-of modern retro vibe that I got for $35 at Marshall's as my wedding dress. Our wedding was casual and no one cared. Everyone said we both looked great. If they didn't think so, they kept it to themselves. You should wear what makes you feel most fabulous and gorgeous. Wearing a white dress is a dream for many, but for others of us, it just doesn't fit. I don't think anyone will be confused about who the bride is. The did come to your wedding, after all!

    It can be hard not to take those little digs personally. I had a friend who made a comment about colored dresses obviously not being wedding dresses–but she wasn't talking about my wedding. It was hard to not take it as about my wedding, since she knew I was not wearing white. (My colors were going to be red or leopard print.) But you've gotta' remember that people saying that kind of stuff are not necessarily coming from a bad place. People usually don't mean to be hurtful. They are trying to be helpful. That said, you have the right to SHUT THAT DOWN. "I appreciate your concern/feedback, but I've made a decision and I'd appreciate it if you would be supportive of that." If they don't stop, maybe you need to consider whether they are friends and/or relatives that deserve to be at your side at your wedding. 🙂

  21. I have been met with snarky comments from the moment I got down on my knee and asked my boyfriend to become my fiance. From the strangest places too. I have been told that we aren't really engaged because I did the asking. So when it came to my dress, and what I was thinking for it, I was pretty sure that my response of blue wasn't going to go down to well. "Oh, a white gown with hints of blue? Like a blue sash or peticoat?" Why is it so hard to fathom that someone might not want to wear white? I at least have something to fall back on. I had a lady tell me that no one gets married in blue. I had the satifaction of telling her my mother got married in blue, and has been happily lawfully married for 26 years. Do what you love, love is what the day is about after all.

  22. I'm laughing out loud at the idea that someone would come to your wedding and "Not know who the bride is". If they don't know who the bride is, why would they be at your wedding!

    Nice article.

  23. That last part made me laugh! I wore a red wedding dress that was a bridesmaid version of a white one I was thinking about getting. To this day I do kind of question if I didn't try enough white ones on and just settled. At the time I loved it and I am too messy for white.

  24. Well, I ALWAYS envisioned my wedding to have a red dress and fire hydrant red hair. And I succeeded. I'm a weird girl. Always have. Does anyone ever expect more from me? Anyways, I would respond that I look dreadful in white.

    Although my next wedding will probably be purple and silver. Or purple and black. I haven't figured it out yet. But I will probably have either purple hair or red hair.

  25. I wanted a very exclusive dress, I can only find it online in 2 places and only 1 makes custom. it seemed like I couldn't get mine in black and telling my friends and family I had the opposite reaction which now after reading this I'm so happy:"holly fuck it wouldn't be your wedding if you wore white!"
    the dress is like a dirty cream colour which i was considering but yeah they're still right.. white on me is weird.. no matter what.

  26. I've had an issue with the white dress thing since I read some history on the subject. Women use to just get married in a nice dress they could reuse. But in the Victorian era wedding started to be all about showing off wealth in the upper crust society. Without modern laundry systems and clothing manufacturing white was an extremely impractical thing to wear. So super rich people would get married in white to show how super rich they were. Isn't that a lame start to a tradition? I think brides should wear whatever dress makes their heart flutter

  27. My dress is a sort of gold/tan colour. I felt the pressure to buy a white dress until I started trying them on – I felt super panicked in the oh-so traditional bridal garb. I was close to throwing up my hands and wearing jeans to my wedding. BUT, I did want to feel fancy on my wedding day, so I kept looking. I FEEL bridal in my gold/tan dress, and I feel comfortable knowing that I got the dress I wanted, not something that was expected.
    I understand that it can be difficult to feel like you have to challenge all your guest's assumptions, but I also find it empowering. I like that some of our wedding plans will definitely make people think. As for the dress, maybe they will be forced to think about how silly it would be to expect me to be a virgin!

  28. I hate white, or anything closely related to white! I own NOTHING in white, not even a bra or panties…I said from the beginning I was getting married in black, green, or royal blue-and have never wavered from it-after trying on many dresses, leaning towards royal blue, I found THE dress-I knew it immediately! It came in all three of my colors, but I couldn't imagine it in anything more perfect than what I tried on, which was black-and that's what I will be married in…and I love it! I am much too colorful to get married in something traditional.

  29. My great-grandmother was married on D-Day in royal blue velvet. I admire her moxy! The dress I currently plan to wear is a blush, beaded, 1920s inspired number. Unless I flip-flop and order the blush, chiffon bridesmaid's dress. No wedding white for me! Fie on the the wedding industry! Fie!

  30. I'm astounded that people open their mouth and pass judgment on any aspect of someone else's wedding. My wedding is four month away, and I keep repeating the phrase "That's not what I'm doing." If someone keeps pushing and gets me angry, I tell them that if they disrespect us, to just stay home. BTW, the comments saying that the bride should be "the dressiest" person there burn me up, too. The bride should wear whatever the fuck she wants, and anyone who doesn't like it can jump in their car and drive away. People want liquor, fancy favors, valet parking, all kinds of shit they aren't going to get at my wedding. They can deal with it, preferably far away from me. (Yes, I am an older bride and extremely confident in my preferences. I will be wearing a yellow, pink and aqua print dress.) What makes me "feel like a bride" is MY FIANCEE, not some damned dress or table decoration.

  31. As soon as my fiancé and I came up with the plan to get married, I immediately decided I wanted to wear black. At that point, we were going to just go to the courthouse, so black wouldn't have been such a big deal. Then when the plans evolved so we would throw an actual wedding in the backyard, my mom gave me her wedding dress, and it fit like a glove. It's from 1990, with sparkly flowery lace, a massive bow on the back, and poofy lace sleeves. Totally brilliant, but not black. I'm wearing it for my first wedding since money is practically nonexistent at this point, but I'm going to investigate my options for our second wedding to be held in England about a year from now. All I wear is black, and I love being dramatic, so we'll see how the English wedding pans out.

    At the end of it all, my advice for anyone who wants to do something but is having a hard time going through with it is to ask yourself what you really want. If you want to make people happy, perhaps it's best to start by making yourself happy.

  32. Hi! I saw pictures of a co-worker's sister's wedding and the bride rocked this exact shade of gray on a mermaid-style dress. She also had a pixie/fauxhawk cut and her hair was dark with a streak of hot pink. It looked amazing! If you like it, go for it!

  33. It's weird how you can feel forced to dress up and style yourself a certain way on your wedding day. I used to feel so pushed to pick a long, white and fancy wedding gown… Actually, I believed for a long time that was exacty what I wanted. Until I realized: I'm too tiny to wear anything like that, those fluffy white gowns would very possibly eat me alive! (How's that for a "brideless wedding"? ;)) And also: Wearing a white dress actually makes me so anxious when it comes to eating and drinking that I wouldn't even be able to enjoy the fancy meal at my own reception because I would be too afraid to spill something. So yeah, I might just wear a cute, colourful sun dress and I might not look like the typical bride at all. But thankfully there is no mandatory dress code for getting hitched legally! 😉

  34. My dress is burgundy-red taffeta. It needs to be taken up at least two feet to be floor-length, and another one to be "my" length – mid'calf.

    My cousin/best friend/bridesmaid's response: "Can I wear white??" (I said yes, other bridesmaids said no…)

    My mother's response: "…..Okay…."

    My response to my mother's response: "Remember when I was 8 and you banned me from wearing white if we were eating spaghetti??"

    I generally don't wear white, or light-coloured clothing, at all. Apparently I just can't wear black (for whatever reason that makes the same dress twice as expensive just because it's white… Sorry, "Moonlit Ivory".). I love red. So I'm gonna wear red.

    Wear what you feel good in. The people who matter most on the Big Day are you and your Intended. They're the only opinions that matter – and I doubt your Intended would want you to wear what you want despite whatever traditionalist hangups they may have.

    Oh, and for those who won't know who the bride is: Why are they going to the wedding if you don't know them and they don't know you? 'Cuz that's the only realistic way they'd be clueless as to whose wedding they're at..

    • UPDATE:
      We've paid the deposit on the hotel and signed the contract. The manager met up with us to discuss the nitty-gritty stuff that the hotel provides.

      We're not having flowers at all, the hotel have candelabra centrepieces as an alternative. Wonderful! Sorted.

      I was asked what colours the bridesmaids would be wearing.

      .

      …..

      The sashes on the chair covers will be matching my dress.

      My mother told my 82-year-old Catholic grandfather the basics – i.e. civil ceremony and red dress:
      "Awhh, knowing [Fianna], it'd have to be different…."

      Yeah, we'll sit him with my future SiL's +1's – he'll have great craic with the nuns!

  35. Can I just have a comfy dress? As in my arms do not get torn to shreds while I put the dress on? Because that would be nice.

  36. The fact is on your day you will look incredible no matter what, and no one is going to be able to tell you otherwise. If you are concerned about being "bridal" enough and want to differentiate yourself from your bridesmaids wear a veil or head piece that says "I'm here" and watch people try to mistake you for anyone else. If you need a little push to give you the confidence to go through with it all, have someone you can trust who understands your vision (and agrees with it) come with you for the initial purchase. Once the dress has been bought so long as you love it there will be nothing a down-talker can say to change your mind!

  37. totally thinking of doing a red floral overlay with cream trumpet and im getting the "will you regret this later on?" or "i thought you would do white?" of course it makes me second guess maybe i should wear white because thats the thing….which i think has something to do with a queen somewhere that wore something one time which has nothing to do with me!! arrrrrghhhhh

  38. My mother wed in a blu tailleur, my grand-mother in black dress and my grand-grand-mother in green. Not because they were alternative brides, but because they were poor so they dressed with the best dress that they could afford.

    I want to be a coloured bride too.

  39. Dear Ocelot,

    I tried on dozens of dresses. In the end, I determined one thing: if you put on a gorgeous piece of clothing that fits you perfectly you are likely to look amazing. Period. I felt like most of the dresses I tried on were beautiful, and I liked the way I looked in most of them. And at the end of a long weekend with lots of appointments and dozens more dresses of every shape, size, and a couple colors, I had five "favorite" dresses. All of them were very different styles. One was lace and fitted all the way down. One was a classy, elegant cowl neck with a lace bolero. One was silk with asymmetrical layering…and so on. They were all beautiful.

    And none of them excited me. They were all gorgeous, but basically ivory/cream/vanilla pieces of clothing.

    I took one look at a photo of a bride in a beautiful white satin wedding dress on LookBook, and all I noticed was her bridesmaid standing next to her in a vibrant, taffeta dress that was PURPLE.

    That was pretty much the end of me looking for white wedding dresses. My fiance says that the way people know who I am on our wedding day is by the fact that I'm wearing a white dress. But I'm not too concerned about all our invited guests mistaking me for someone else. I don't think anybody will be mistaken when you show up looking fabulous in something that is much more reflective of your personality than a white frock.

    Good luck!

  40. My own wedding just passed and i had the same issue….you see i ordered my dress from china and as i proudly showed off the pictures of my champagne dress i got remarks like "id probably like it more if it was white" or "are you sure you'll feel like a bride?" So much so that when my dress showed up, i cringed at the color over time i hates my dress. I felt like it was all wrong and id look like the fraud i was starting to feel like. But ya know what my dress was perfect! It was my mind set that needed changing -again. The day of rolled around and my dress was my fantasy brought to life!

  41. The first wedding I remember attending had the bride in a beautiful maroon ball gown with no veil in site. She looked "stunning" (the exact description we were all laughingly instructed to use), she looked just like a bride to me. I had met her once, she was marrying one of my older cousins but trust me I knew she was the bride! Who else would look so lovingly at their partner that they would marry that day? Who else would smile so brightly from being surrounded by all of the friends and family? My cousins now wife is still to my mind one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen!

    Yet I don't feel bad that when I get married in a few months that I will be wearing a white dress and a veil. So many people have said it (and offbeat bride if one of the champions of it in the wedding industry) but any choice that the couple makes that works for them, that makes them happy, that is what the bloody well want is PERFECTLY wedding appropriate and bridal!

    • After going back and forth, and mostly looking at blue dresses, I chose a white one, and wore it for my wedding Aug. 30. Boy, was I sorry. The white dress did not do me any favors, and made me look washed out and huge. We are already planning a do-over wedding on our first anniversary, and you can bet I won't wear white. Ugh.

  42. My dress was dark purple. I came to this conclusion because it's my favorite color and I wanted it in my wedding. A big part of my support came from my mom. She had the traditional southern wedding and I thought I would have a battle on my hands. When I told her my dress wishes she completely understood, said "white would never go with your complexion anyway" and found the pictures I ended up giving my seamstress to make my dream dress. She also fielded any negative comments from family saying "you know she has never done things traditionally".

    Now I know this is a dream scenario but I came to he with confidence and knowing what I wanted and I think that made the difference.

    We also had disagreements (one ending with me yelling at her that "there's no such thing as fairies!") but she still made sure I was not being swayed into something I didn't want.

    The other big support was my partner. He is also pretty traditional but told me I could show up in pajamas and he would marry me just the same.

    My point to this long entry is to ignore the negative, embrace your choice with confidence and love it.

  43. The thought of the traditional 'white' dress has strangely never entered my mind.
    Since starting the wedding planning process I have been looking at coloured ( pastel) multilayered, textured steam punk dresses, and in fairness 99% of the comments have been "ah yes very you!" Or wow I hadn't thought of a grey or black layered dress. Vera Wang's dresses are helping dispel the white wedding myth with her, grey, black and nude bridal lines.
    That's a horrid comment about being a bridesmaid at your own wedding. The only disapproving snark I got was actually about having a steampunk dress. Apparently I would be wasting my figure or an opportunity to look my best by going down that route rather than the traditional white satin or lace wedding dress. Needless to say that person clearly doesn't know me as all, my close friends and family are being very supportive. Cut out the haters, invite true friends and family that will appreciate you for you. The last thing you want to be is something you're not on your own wedding day!

  44. I am so lucky- my family was beyond supportive, and I found a seamstress who was willing to modify the gown to make it mine. I was lucky enough to fit into my mothers dress, and she was more then willing to let me make modifications to it- I ended up adding blue accents to the dress.
    I knew I wanted white but that was because my dress I had my eye on for about 15 yrs- ( it being my mothers dress)
    Its your wedding- wear what makes you feel special!!! and Bridal and people who think that colour does not belong need to get their heads examined especially if they are telling you the bride that only white goes!

  45. Yeah, Saturday? My dress was a woven silk with emerald green threads one way and copper the other.

    No one bitched where I could hear it.

    Fuck 'em. Do you. They'll catch up.

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