Often times when couples first get engaged, the planning bug sneaks up quickly and takes them over like a surreptitious zombie attack. One minute you're thinking you're going to enjoy a leisurely engagement period and, the next thing you know, after taking “just a little peek” at some funky wedding fashions — chomp! — you've been bitten and are wondering how you managed to create forty-two separate Pinterest boards as you head off to work swirly-eyed on two hours of sleep.
With so much input from so many places, it's pretty easy these days to get your panties in a bunch over all kinds of planning issues — so much so that it can spoil what should be a fun process just moments after you begin. This is why I'm here with a bit of sane, grounding, planning advice. My goal is to inoculate you a little bit, get those undies in a more comfortable place, and keep you moving forward so you can enjoy the ride.
Let's begin with a general question I hear repeatedly:
“…Is that bad??”
This question customarily references a planning choice the couple is considering for either creative or financial reasons, and comes in a variety of forms:
- “The venue is open to the public during our wedding. Is that bad?”
- “Is it bad that we really want cupcakes?”
- “Our wedding is pretty traditional, except for the fact that we'd really like to have a TARDIS at the reception. Is that bad?”
My initial response is almost always the same:
No, it's not bad. I pretty much say that regardless because I really don't care for branding anything “bad” or “good” when it comes to weddings. I much prefer you do what feels right for you.
That being said, something did prompt you to ask the question in the first place and it's important to figure out just what might be tickling your brain. Did you see this on some kind of “no-longer-hot” list, or are you concerned your guests will be uncomfortable? Is it a budget issue, or more that you feel you might really piss off Aunt Zelda? Once you locate the core concern, you can make a more focused, thoughtful decision on how to answer the question.
If you asked my opinion, I would happily tell you that weddings with public access make me a touch nervous, cupcakes have never made anyone sad, and spotting a random science fiction prop at a traditional wedding would make me want to high-five someone. You're welcome to factor those thoughts into the equation, but your answers might be different, and yours are the ones that count.
To find your personal truth, put yourself in the role of the guest and evaluate each item from that perspective. More often than not, you'll find the answer is still: No, it's not bad at all.
Remember, you truly cannot please all the people all the time so trying will only lead to disappointment and frustration. You and your intended are the ultimate decision makers. If you create an environment that makes you both smile, that joy will be infectious and both you and the vast majority of your guests will have a blast.
Trust me, I'm a wedding planner.