My sister has twins who are 18 years old. She now has a new live-in guy and they have a baby together. All are invited to our wedding. She is now demanding that her new guy's daughter be invited, too. New guy's daughter is 21 and we have never met her. She lives with her mom. We have worked so hard to keep our wedding small and intimate and quite frankly don't want a stranger there. Are we being selfish?
Ah yes, all of the people you MUST invite. Even if you've never met them, they aren't related to you, and you don't know if they'd even want to come. It seems like one of those differences between a regular party and a wedding: the obligatory invited guests. In this case, though, my opinion is that you'd be okay skipping the invite this time. You're under no obligation to invite someone with almost no connection to you, especially when your guest list has already been trimmed to keep it small and intimate. That excuse is a pretty solid one in this case. There just isn't room on the already ultra-trimmed guest list.
There are many reasons why someone might want their wedding to remain intimate and this young woman likely won't mind finding alternate plans that night. I'd suggest kindly and diplomatically telling them that the guest list is full, including five of them already allotted to your sister's family and everyone who lives in that home. If it causes any friction, fall back on the venue size, budget, or something equally impersonal.
If it all goes to hell? Toss her on the list since it may not be worth the fight (if she even RSVPs yes at all?).
Here is more advice for plus-ones and extra guests you've never met, including some steal-it wording…