Love the fiance, love the in-laws

Whilst I can't wait to marry my fiance, I can't stand his family. The idea of his parents being at our wedding makes me feels sick, and I haven't got a clue how I should be involving them.

Any ideas how we can include them in the wedding without making it seem contrived or forced? I understand they're his family, and he loves them, but does that really mean I have to?

-Anonymous

In a word: yes. When you marry your partner, you are marrying their family — even if you don't like them. These are the people who made the person you love, even if that just meant they gave your partner something to rebel against. Like it or not, these people are a part of the person you love, and they're going to be a part of your life.

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So, that's the short answer: yes. Unless you and your partner are ready to write them off completely (which is a totally valid option), you should find a way to include them in the wedding, and bigger still: you have to learn how to include them in your life.

Find ways to include your in-laws in a few simple but meaningful ceremonial responsibilities. I asked my father-in-law to ring in our wedding ceremony with a large Tibetan bowl. I asked my mother-in-law to act as our “ring boy” and bring up our rings.

Not knowing much more about your wedding, it's hard to make suggestions … Could they pass out programs? Present the guestbook? Read a poem you selected? Be in charge of tossing some dried lavender as you exit the ceremony? Look for small but visible ways to feature them in your wedding day — it's important.

Your wedding is a metaphor … and these people are going to be a part of your family, so think of finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your wedding as the first steps toward finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your life.

About the Author: Ariel

@arielmstallings

Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and its sequel (From Shitshow To Afterglow, the ultimate offbeat breakup book) Ariel Meadow Stallings is the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire web properties. She lives in Seattle with her son. To read her latest writing, follow @arielist on Medium.