No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. “Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle.” “Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?” “The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen.” “Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!” And then this tweet caught my eye:

“Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?”

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy “grown up” of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? ‘It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear “the precious.”

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Comments on No, he doesn’t wear a ring

  1. There are so many stupid, stupid people on wedding related sites (I love this one, obviously).

    I would like for C to wear his ring since I picked it out for him and all that but by all means, if it were uncomfortable or dangerous I would be the first person to tell him to take it off.

  2. My Dad didn’t wear a wedding ring until 20 years into their marriage when he was able to. He was an electrician and couldnt wear it at work and so left it at home where it was stolen withing a month of their marriage. He wears it now but only because he is a jewelry whore. lol.

  3. My future husband won’t be wearing a ring… he just does not do jewellery. And I have zero problems with this. I kinda feel like rings are for everyone else to see like “stay back, I’m taken”… He doesn’t need to wear a ring for me (or anyone who knows us) to know about the huge way in which he is committed to our life together. I do have an engagement ring but won’t be getting a wedding one. We are (like many others) opting for tats (yuss!) and hey, you can lose a ring down a sink/toilet/compost bin but a tattoo ain’t going anywhere that easily!

  4. My husband doesn’t wear his ring often, if he remembers he’ll put it on when we’re going out somewhere special. It bothered me when we first got married, but it’s not like it’s a magic ring that would prevent adultery. He would wear it day-to-day because he loves it (He picked out a fancy engraved one) but being a mechanic, it’s too dangerous. If he was injured at work because of the ring, worker’s compensation wouldn’t cover it. I’d rather have a forgetful husband than a finger/hand-less one!

  5. I think symbols are really important. Would you have such a strong reaction to someone wearing a cross which means “I am Christian” or a yarmulke? I think most people who read OBB dress in a way to tell people something about themselves (I’m goth, I’m counter-culture, etc.) and wearing a wedding ring serves the same purpose.

    It says, “I am married, I’m part of a pair.” I understand OF COURSE that NOT wearing rings doesn’t mean you aren’t a pair.

    But it IS really important to me that my husband wear a ring, and I wear mine. Because I want people to know that he and I are part of a bonded pair, it tells people something about how we feel about each other without us ever having to say it.

    I know OBB hates the idea that anyone has to do anything just because they are married but I think a symbol, between the two of you (even if it’s a watch or a tattoo or a name change) is both beautiful and important.

    So yeah, I think “would you care if he didn’t wear a ring” is a valid question for discussion and that if my husband didn’t want to wear his, I’d want an explanation. Not a concession, necessarily, but an explanation at least.

    • Dude, symbols are great! I love the exchange of rings, watches, buttons, you name it, OBBs have exchanged it and worn it and I think that’s awesome. And “would you care if he didn’t wear a ring” is a totally valid question because there are many different schools of thought on this and I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments and stories.

      However, what isn’t valid is to suggest there is something sinister going on if he doesn’t wear a symbol, there-in lies my problem. This post was about the LACK of symbols and how people react to it. Would I react if a Christian *wasn’t* wearing a cross? And would I believe that it made them any less Christian? Not at all. My point was that wearing or not wearing a symbol should be a personal choice and respected as such.

      • The thing is, that first tweet *didn’t* suggest anything sinister going on if someone doesn’t wear a wedding ring. It was a *question* – a valid question for discussion, as Samantha said.

        • the way we ask things often implies judgements. in this case the implication was that not wearing a wedding ring deviates from a norm in some way that might bother you, without acknowledging that rings are not ubiquitous. that blog would doubtfully ask “does it bother you that your eso wears their ring?” because the implications of that question would be considered themselves absurd.

  6. It is a fairly uncharitable and insulting assumption to decide that anyone who would feel uncomfortable about their husband not wearing a wedding ring is too stupid to question advertising.

    Maybe it’s because the ring itself is just the last straw of a more major issue in the relationship.

    What if they had worn jewellery before to symbolise their commitment, had no practical reason not to wear a wedding ring, but still didn’t wear it?

    What if they stopped wearing it without telling you?

    What if, even though it’s just a stupid piece of jewellery, its symbolism matters to you and your husband knows that?

    After all, Ariel herself was concerned about Andreas’s outfit not clashing with hers on their wedding day, even if he was not wearing his first choice of clothing. There’s no practical or important reason for having a consistent theme between bride and groom. But I don’t think anyone is arguing that because Ariel cared about it she’s been brainwashed by the tired old cliché that is the WIC.

    As much as I love so much about the site and the OBT, this post is exactly the problem I have with the Offbeat concept: sometimes it seems more important to attack wedding traditions than to celebrate creative alternatives. Even worse, it’s not just the advertisers who get attacked, but the women who follow any of the traditions of a western wedding – as poor, unenlightened folk who are not smart enough to identify when they’re being marketed to.

    And when is it ever offbeat to judge other women?

    • Cinara, I was by no means attacking a wedding tradition. I myself wear a wedding ring. But I was defending the rights of people to either subscribe to traditions of not. Which, I believe IS the offbeat concept — do what feels right for you and don’t judge others if what feels right to them isn’t exactly your cup of tea.

      To assume that something isn’t right if a man isn’t wearing a ring is not okay. And neither is assuming something isn’t right if a man IS wearing a ring. In an ideal world both of those things should be accepted without question is what that post was saying.

    • i think you really misunderstood this post. it was about not judging people for not wearing rings, and was at no point attacking people -for- wearing them or wanting their spouse to wear them.

  7. Of course a ring doesn’t make a marriage, and of course there are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone may choose not to wear a ring. However, I’m really glad my partner appreciates the symbolism of his ring and chooses to wear it. So I guess I do care. Why is that a problem?

    • Katie, that’s not a problem at all! I think you should care about your own husband. But I think the problem lies in someone ELSE cares enough about it to make generalizations about someone else’s husband who doesn’t appreciate the same symbolism.

    • I don’t think it’s a problem to care! Lol. It’s great that th OP’s husband and herself were able to work out a compromise–kinda what the whole marriage thing is about.

      Regardless, I personally would be disappointed if my future husband decides not to wear one or to in someway wear a “badge of honor,” because at the end of the day it IS a symbol of your dedication. And don’t get me wrong, symbols vary from couple to couple. For example, I dislike growing my hair out since it makes me hot and takes dedication to comb out, but I see the way it lights up his face when I wear it down and he gets to play with it, so I invest in ponytail holders and deal.

  8. In my situation it’s my husband that wears one and not me. I’m left handed and have never liked the feeling of a ring on the hand I write with. I do wear it when we are out someplace special. I do that for him (haha).

  9. My Dad hasn’t worn his ring since the day after their wedding. Dad works construction and was worried about lose of fingers and that sort of thing. it’s sitting in my Mom’s jewelry box. I don’t plan on wearing my ring after the honeymoon eather since I’m an massage therapist and would constantly be taking it off and putting it back on, if I remember to take it out of my pocket before it runs though the washing machine which judging from the amount of Kleenex that runs though it I’m not good at looking in pockets. I’m planing on getting a small heart tattooed on the inside of my left ring finger. It will be just for me and him since I’m sure most people will never notice it. I don’t like the assumption that someone is up to no good if they don’t wear their ring. there are many resounds why someone might not.

  10. My hubby and I both wear rings because we love the symbolism of it, and we think it’s a beautiful tradition. HOWEVER, if one of us couldn’t/didn’t want to wear “the ring” that would be fine too. Commitment shouldn’t come down to whether or not someone is wearing a ring. I’ve had severe edema for the last few months and have not been able to wear my rings….that doesn’t make me any less committed or married! That’s crazy. People get too wrapped up in the wedding ring debate. It really should be a personal choice for the couple.

    My hubby and I wanted to get tattoos done, but our artist refused to tattoo mine because my fingers are small, and she didn’t want the ink to fade or bleed.

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