No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. “Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle.” “Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?” “The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen.” “Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!” And then this tweet caught my eye:

“Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?”

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy “grown up” of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? ‘It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear “the precious.”

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Comments on No, he doesn’t wear a ring

  1. My husband forgets his ring sometimes (he forgets a lot of things sometimes, usually his keys), which I’m used to and is totally fine. However, when he goes out at night without me, I make sure he’s wearing it so all the 20-something girls don’t try to hit on him. It’s not that I don’t trust HIM, I don’t trust those girls not to get big ideas. He’s adorable, sweet, charismatic, and a musician, so he’s a magnet for new “friends”.

    • Haha. My husband, also a musician, just did a show recently where, strangely enough, afterwards a couple of his cute 20-something girl friends were giving him shit for NOT wearing a wedding ring! It was pretty cute.

  2. Thanks for posting this, Megan. It brought tears to my eyes. I have really been struggling with this for awhile. To me the ring represents fidelity and faithfulness. My dad always wears his ring. Before I met my FH, when I saw a man wearing a ring, it meant “he’s taken”. I think another reason I am hung up on the wedding ring is because he never wore it during his first marriage, so I stupidly freak out for some reason.

    I know it’s silly. My FH does not want to wear one. He has allergies, and it will bother him and he never wears jewelry and feels weird wearing it. He also said that people may be unfaithful with or without a ring.

    He said that he would give it a shot–try to wear it and see if he gets used to it. He also said he will wear it on special occassions.

    You are right–he is marrying me, I am marrying him. We are professing this in front of our loved ones. That should be enough. A piece of metal on his finger doesn’t change that.

    • Erica! Thanks for commenting. I’m so glad the post helped you. I thought the same things as you before I got married and watched my poor husband struggle wear something just to please this silly notion that I had. It just all started to seem so silly. The jewelry isn’t what makes a good marriage.

    • I don’t know much about my husband’s first marriage, but I’m almost sure he didn’t wore his back then, any way, there are plenty of new things he will experience with you and a ring won’t make a big difference, believe me I’ve been through that and it gets all solved when I realize:

      He’s gone through divorce (not nice), he’s been hurt, he has a life to enjoy, and he is so great he could be with any other girl, now, he knows what he is doing, he knows what can go wrong… and still he picked me!!!

      giving ourselves second chances isn’t so easy for humans, specially if it could hurt, he is giving himself a second opportunity with you, don’t waste it thinking about the past because for sure he loves yo 10,000 times more.

      I’ve been told “second time has to be way better, otherwise you don’t do it”, I believe it.

      =)

    • Probably too late to comment on this but I just wanted my fiance to wear the ring because I’d get frustrated when I would spend 30 mins chatting up an interesting man and then he’d mention his wife.

      I just don’t want him wasting those hawt single girls time. 🙂 BUT REALLY – a ring does not make a marriage. My dad is super happy and doesn’t wear a ring – he says women hit on him more when he wore the ring – I told him he was hotter 20 years ago when he wore it 😉

      Either way, if its super important to you, there are a lot of rings that are hypoallergenic. I think platinum, titanium, cobalt and tungsten to name a few….though I would check with your jeweler to be sure.

    • If the biggest issue for him is the metal, try coating the ring where it will contact skin with clear nail polish, or get a non-metal substance.

  3. My dad and his wedding ring were always trouble. He can’t wear it for work, as he’s an industrial electrician, so he saved it for formal events (like weddings, funerals, etc), which has caused him to lose his ring four times; my mom did replace it each time until he smashed up his knuckle bad enough that his final wedding ring sits on top of his dresser with his spare change. I don’t think my mother minds though, as he buys her craploads of shiny metal and jewels.

  4. it isn’t the jewelry that makes you married – it’s the marriage.
    many cultures don’t have rings but their marriages are just as real as those that do.
    I didn’t wear my ring for years (and years) as I was afraid of losing the antique, family heirloom from his great-grandmother when washing after diaper changes or when at the gym – it’s very tall and got scratched when I was lifting weights. it also didn’t fit so well the three times I was pregnant with our wonderful boys, and now, after 25+ years, the ring doesn’t fit but the marriage still does.

    • jx, do you know of any interesting traditions for other cultures? My FH has bad luck with new rings (He’s got a few he wears all the time, but any new ones quickly disappear), and I’m concerned for him as well because he works outside.

      I’ve considered the tattoos (we’re both inked already, so that’s not an issue), and a friend’s brother is a jeweller and wants to make our wedding jewelry if we have some.

      We’re very interested in other cultures and love incorporating new things that we like, but there hasn’t been much investigation into wedding traditions. I’m Pagan and he’s non-aligned, though connected to the spiritual realm, so there’s no specific traditions to follow.

      (Still trying to decide on whether we’ll do a hand-binding.)

  5. My FH will be wearing a ring, but on his right hand, not his left. He’s an engineer who’s always smashing things up and didn’t want a ring that would disintegrate on him, so we finally settled on Tungsten. And while he loved the weight of it and how it looked, he’s never felt comfortable with rings on his left hand. He’s a bassist and it interferes with his playing, plus would scratch up his base something fierce, so the right hand it is.

    I do like rings and what they represent, so I’m just happy he’s wearing one at all. But if he couldn’t for any reason, I’m sure we’d work around it somehow.

    • My husband’s ring is tungsten, too. He’s a chemist and spends all day in the lab, so he wanted something that would be tough to destroy. Only downside is we couldn’t get it engraved- it’d void the warranty.

      He’s also pretty old-fashioned when it comes to romance, and I think he’d be hurt/insulted if I told him he didn’t have to wear it (or just say “Pfffft, I want to!” :).

  6. I have a friend who lost his ring finger when the ring latched onto a nail head as he was jumping over a fence. Needless to say, he no longer wears a ring on any finger.

  7. My mother has a big hangup about men who don’t wear wedding rings. I think this is, in part, because she’s middle aged and single (and, therefore, uses that as a barometer), and also because it’s a generational thing – i.e., no wedding ring means that the guy is LOOKING to cheat.

    Seeing as she’s already doesn’t care for my FH and is constantly looking for excuses to put him down, I asked him to please, please get a ring and wear it when we knew we would be seeing her. She’d never say anything to him, but I would never hear the end of it.

    FWIW, I know plenty of men who wear their wedding rings faithfully and are the slimiest cheaters around.

  8. My grandpa is a farmer and he although he has a wedding ring, he never wears it. Its way too dangerous and for him to put in on and then off all the time… he couldn’t be bothered. My grandma told me that he wore it for their honey moon and then as soon as they got to their new home together [which was his family’s farm, given to him as a wedding gift] he took it off and has never worn it again. My grandma only wears her when they go into town… she spends her day cooking, cleaning and knitting.

    They are the two most in love people I have ever seen!

    I wear an engagement ring and like Offbeat Megan’s hubby, I spend more time playing with it then it does actually just sitting on my finger. FH really wants to have a ring [and he especially wants me to have one so that everyone knows I’m taken…]. I’ve been tossing around the idea of tattoo rings… we both have tattoos so it would be awesome!

    • You just have to be careful about the tattoos. I discussed the idea with my artist and he said that depending on your profession and hobbies it might not work. I am a hairstylist and apparently having my hands in water and chemicals all the time means it will wear out. My fiance is going to wear a wedding ring because he’s indifferent to jewelry (doesn’t like it…doesn’t hate it) and the band was my grandfather’s so he knows it means a lot to me.

  9. I took the tweet in a different way. It really is a question of why. Legitimate reason or because he doesn’t want to appear tied down? Yes, I would have an issue with that but probably wouldn’t be marrying that guy. I’m also confused why you bash the tweeter but you cared a little too right? You got butterflies and were excited for him to wear it. Honestly I would care if my FH didn’t want to wear a ring BUT not to the point of forcing it on him and especially not if it interfered with his job. I do think it is a sign of outward committment which is not to say FH would cheat without it on. It’s also part of our vows but again, I would be sad but would understand.

    • TZizzle, I did care when he stopped wearing it because I thought it was neat, but not for suspicious reasons as the RT suggests, hence my reaction.

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