No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. “Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle.” “Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?” “The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen.” “Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!” And then this tweet caught my eye:

“Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?”

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy “grown up” of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? ‘It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear “the precious.”

Comments on No, he doesn’t wear a ring

  1. My fiance isn’t going to have a ring, well neither of us are exchanging rings. We opted for wedding tattoos instead. For awhile we had matching promise rings before we got engaged, it didn’t last long since he is cursed to lose every ring in his possession. He has a ring right now which has lasted a surprisingly long time for him, but the expense of wedding rings wasn’t worth it to us when he is prone to losing them.

    • You know, he offered to get a ring tattooed on that finger, needles give me the heebie jeebies so i told him it was not necessary. But, man, I think that’s SO romantic!

      • Weirdly my first reaction was thinking that a tattoo is too permenant, which I find kind of sad since marriage is supposed to be forever as well. Of course that’s not always the case, but at least going into it I think that should be the plan.

        (Kind of ironic that some of the people against getting a tatoo were some of the same people nagging me to get married. A drawing is too permenant and what if I regret it, but I should hurry up and comit to spending my whole life with another person?)

        Anyway, I think the idea of wedding tattoos is great, and even better because you’d have to do something really impressive to loose it!

        • we are getting tattoos, we haven’t decided about jewelry. i gave him a pin when i asked him, and neither of us ever wear rings. he won’t wear the pin except on special occasions also, because he is terrified of losing it. i keep telling him i’ll make him another (i made it for him in a silversmithing class), but he still doesn’t want to lose it. the crazy thing is he says if i made another one, he would wear that one (like some people wear fake versions of diamonds they actually own), but he doesn’t want to lose the original.

          but anyway, we’ve planned the tattoo long before deciding to get married(we’ve been together 10 years). and anytime people get buddy tattoos there is that ‘what if it doesn’t work out’ question (maybe less if you’re married) but i’ve always thought of it more as a tattoo for us and our time together, and not a promise we’re making. if we broke up in a few years, the tattoo would still have meaning, because we’ve already had a life together.

          • My Fiance wanted to get a wedding ring tattoo but then he talked to his tattoo artist and he told him they always rub off after a little while and they don’t look good anymore. I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I just wanted to comment this so you can check that for yourself and not be disappointed if it did rub off. Congrats! : )

          • I just came out with an idea, after reading this I was thinking of an alternative for a tatoo and two things came to my mind, one of them is having similar scars… I would definitively have them done by a doctor and ask how to get “the nicest scar”.
            At first my husband agreed (we have a friend that is a plastic surgeon and we trust him) but when I reminded him about his promise, he said “we already have similar scars” I don’t know what he meant, we don’t share any scars in common… yet!

            Let me know what you think.

          • Any finger tattoo will rub off after a while, but getting touch ups and using oils/lotions/sun screen will all aid in the healing and maintenance of any tattoo : D

    • My fiance is a welder. It is super dangerous for him to wear a ring. He actually knows a couple of guys who have had their fingers burned down to the bone because of their wedding bands.
      We bought a cheap ring for us to use during the ceremony and I have to admit seeing a ring on him just makes my heart flutter! 🙂 Since wearing the actual ring is so dangerous he decided to get my initials tattooed on his ring finger. We both have and love tattoos anyway so it’s fitting for us.
      At first I was a little disappointed that he couldn’t wear a ring, but half the people he works with were surprised when he asked for time off for the wedding because he talks about his “wife” all the time and they thought we were already married. If your husband truly loves you then he doesn’t need a ring to show he is committed. 🙂 Took me a little bit to figure that out but I am glad I did.

    • I was JUST talking to my SO about that. He thinks rings are too transitory and that we should get symbolic tattoos. I’m a little sad at the thought of not having an engagement ring but aside from that I love the idea.

  2. One factor I’ve never seen brought up in a wedding ring discussion is that, for a variety of medical reasons, not everyone has a ring finger (or any fingers) at the end of his or her left hand.

    • You know, while researching if, in fact, this “no ring” is really a big deal, I DID come across a story about a girl whose fiance is missing his left ring finger. So apparently, he’s just going to wear the ring on the right hand instead.

      • I have seen a couple like this – the wife was missing her “ring finger” so they both wore their rings on the right hand. I thought it was very sweet. Personally I would want my spouse to wear his ring unless his job prevented it. I love the whole idea of it.

        • Aw, that does sound sweet. I think the ring issue, like so many others, is all about what works for the individual.

      • My father-in-law to be has worked for Otis elevator forever, and he’s worked his way up from being a stock boy or whatever to being upper management. Back in the day, though, when he was doing serious factory things, he got his ring caught in something and since it wouldn’t slide off, the ring got caught on his knuckle and pulled half of his finger out of his hand. They can’t reattach if the joint is pulled apart, only if it’s severed, so he opted to have the rest of the finger removed and he now wears his mangled gold ‘ring’ on his keychain as a reminder, I guess. Which works for them, since my mother in law to be is allergic to metal and doesn’t wear one either 🙂

        • A friend of my parents had this happen – he’s a farmer, and caught his ring on the top corner of his truck door as he was jumping out. He lost his entire ring finger. He got his ring back, but never wore it again, on any finger. He and his wife are still married, and have been for more than 40 years.

        • EEEK! I just read that and gasped so loud it woke up my dog. That sounds so painful. Perfectly valid reason to not actually wear a ring!

    • My fiance won’t be able to wear a ring because his left hand was mangled in an accident. I’m an aspiring tattoo artist, and he love tattoos any way so he wants me to tattoo a wedding band on him.

  3. My guy might not even get one to not wear! The idea of wearing a ring for the rest of his life seems to be the one thing he’s least excited about, even after the idea of an Alchemy Gothic ring came up. (And if you’ve not seen them those things are amazing.)

    He’s still considering it but if he can’t find one he likes we’ll probably just skip the idea. I know he’s mine anyway. 😀

  4. My Dad always wears his wedding ring but my mom doesn’t always. I don’t think that makes her any less married or committed. Rings just aren’t for everyone!

    • I love my ring, but I am clumsy and bang it against things. So I try and remember to wear it at times, but it’s off my finger about as much as it’s on.

  5. I don’t think it’s a big deal if he doesn’t wear a ring…if that’s what works for both of you. I’m not sure how I would feel about it to be honest…since we haven’t gotten married yet. But we did go order our wedding bands this weekend and watching him try on rings and seeing him with that piece of metal on “that” finger did give me a little flip in my stomach…but if he was adamant against it I’m sure I’d feel the same as you.

  6. I think that part of the reason that so many brides are manic about their husbands wearing their rings, is that it’s a tangible symbol of their loyalty. What’s the first thing (In movies TV etc) that a man does when he’s about to practice infidelity, or at least wants to try it out for awhile? He takes his ring off. The ring is a symbol that they’re linked to you. So you’re brainwashed to think that if your husband doesn’t want to wear his ring that he wants to be unfaithful. And that’s why so many brides cling to it. The mental connection between “If he wears his ring he loves me and we’ll be together forever. If he doesn’t he’s cheating on me/ashamed of me.”

    My husband is a mechanic, so the ring is dangerous for him to wear at work. As much as I love the fact that he wears it, my emotional attachment to it isn’t nearly as strong as his. He’s forgotten it a few times at work and was a complete wreck. Now I have to ask him why it’s so important to him, LOL.

    • What’s so funny about the idea of a ring as tangible proof of fidelity is that we consider it a tether specifically because of images that you mentioned – philandering men in movies removing their wedding rings right before hooking up with someone who is NOT their wife. It’s hilarious, though – what’s further proof that a ring does nothing to prevent infidelity than the image of a manwhore removing his before cheating?

      But on a broader scale, aside from concerns of fidelity, there’s the idea that a man is willing to put up with some discomfort in order to broadcast the fact that he is taken. Because for so many women, there’s always this nagging sense that the entire marriage is HER idea, HER deal – so that she plans everything, and in the end, she feels like she is forcing her man to go through with it. If he wears a ring without complaint, it’s a sign that he’s willing to make a subtle public statement that he’s on-board.

      A guy who doesn’t want to wear one might have totally legitimate reasons for not wearing it, but if you are insecure, you can always see those reasons as more of an excuse.

      I personally don’t like wearing rings, so I don’t really care one way or the other if I end up with a set of rings if/when I get married. But my father has always worn his hand (and had a new one made when his fingers got too arthritic for him to comfortably wear the original wedding ring), and my dad is pretty much a pillar of a stable husband and parent – so I can see where some women (and men, for that matter) would crave this kind of thing from their husbands.

  7. my fiance picked out his ring and intends to wear have it sized, but will most likely wear it on his chain(AHAHAHA Tricksy Hobbitses) with his others. I’m down with that

  8. I think its more likely he will wear a ring (with his other 3 or 4!) and I won’t. I might get one and put it on a necklace.

  9. I appreciate the boiling blood! It makes me crazy when people make comments like this. My dad never wore a wedding ring – I didn’t really realize men did until I was a teenager. 🙂 My parents celebrated their 44th anniversary last week and are the closest clouple I know. The ring is not a reflection of the feelings, although it can be a symbol for them for those who feel that way.
    My FH isn’t interested in jewellery unless it comes with a big hand and a little hand. He loves watches. We are going to do a ring/watch exchange. I love my ring, and enjoy wearing it – I am giving it back to him to put on my hand again since I don’t want a 2nd ring. The symbolism of the ring – the never ending circle can be mimicked by the right kind of watch – that is what we are doing.

    • Yeah, I like the idea of exchanging things that will actually get used or worn or displayed or what have you. I think a wedding watch is awesome!
      Oh and congrats to your parents for 44 years! that’s inspiring.

      • Yes a watch works just as well!
        I got my fella an ‘engagement watch’ as I didn’t see why I should get something nice to mark the occasion and he shouldn’t. He’s not into rings but he’s going to try a wedding ring. I wouldn’t be bothered if he didn’t wear it though.

        • This is a really good idea! As I mentioned above my guy doesn’t like the idea of wearing a ring. I’m not sure he’d want a watch either but I’ll defiantely suggest the idea of something other than a ring and maybe he/we will be able to find something he likes. Thanks!

          • with tattooed rings he couldnt take it off as in the movies….lol

            my FH wants a ring, but even if he didnt…I would try to convince him otherwise…not because i dont trust HIM, but more as a material warning to the swarms of single-man-grubbing women who live around my area “back off bitches ..hes taken”

        • Me too! I got my fiancé an ‘engagement watch’ for the same reason. I felt like he should have something, and since he didn’t wear jewelery it was perfect. Since then we have traveled a lot in muslem countries and we have both worn “wedding” bands to make things easier. I thought he would take it off once he didn’t “need” to wear it anymore, but he has grown used to it and wears it every day! But he does tend to loose things too, so we are getting some inexpensive rings just in case. 😉

          • My fiance can’t wear any jewelry at work due to safety reasons so when we got engaged, I was trying to find something to give him because I, too, felt like he should have something. We talked about watches but the ones he’s after are a little out of our current price range (But totally within reason for something for me to give him to wear instead of a wedding ring, once I’ve saved up). We shopped briefly for engagement sunglasses, but he was too afraid he’d break them or lose them. What did we finally decide on? An engagement xBox 360. You’re thinking, “WHAT!?” but that’s ok, it works for us. Sure one day it’ll be replaced by the next cool game system, but maybe we’ll upgrade (people upgrade their wedding sets all the time!) but for now it is something we can do together, we both love and a symbol of how much we love to be together, and I’ll let him win. . . sometimes 😉

        • Ah! My man LOVES watches too, and (jokingly) asked for an engagement watch. I’m looking/ saving for one I like, but I think it’s an awesome idea, and he’ll be totally thrilled. And yea, why should one person in the relationship get something and the other doesn’t!

    • My FH’s dad lost his wedding ring in the Aegian Sea on their honeymoon and hasn’t worn one since.

      My dad, on the other hand has not taken his off for a second since the moment they got married 22 years ago. He got 3rd degree burns on his left hand when he was in a fire, and when they were bandaging it, he slipped it loose, stuck his right and left fingertips together and slid it onto his right hand while his left hand healed.

  10. My FH is so excited about ring shopping. He wants to wear his before the wedding because “he already feels married”, except that he’s a pilot which means they’re not allowed to wear metal jewelry, and being in the militarym he’d get shit for being “whipped”. Sigh.

    MEGAN! Where did you get the coral you used for your centerpieces? I want to do something similar, but can’t find the coral for less than $60 each!

    • Lena! I believe all the answers you seek re: the coral centerpieces can be found here. There’s a link to where i got them at Z Gallerie and how we turned them orange. Good luck!

    • My fiance wants to start wearing his band immediately, and is somewhat disappointed that I want to wait to wear mine until the ceremony in 6 months. I think I’m going to buy him an engagement ring to match his band, so he can wear that instead.

    • Lena – suggest that your FH slip his ring onto his dogtags. That’s what I do when I go fly, and it works really well. 🙂

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