While having dinner with my future sister and brother-in-law, the talk, of course, turned to wedding planning. I mentioned that, when I was a wedding photographer, I noticed that there were always these two most awkward moments of every wedding…
- Cake cutting. No one knows how to cut a cake in unison. Why would you? When has the occasion ever arisen where you had to do that, outside the context of a wedding?
How to pin a boutonniere. There are very few people who know wtf to do with a boutonniere, or how to pin them without being all sad and droopy seconds later.
Unless you went a butt-ton of proms, or been a groomsman in every wedding, you probably have no idea how to properly pin a flower on to yourself or someone else. I would watch from behind my camera as everyone flailed about, trying to find that ONE person who knew what to do.
That's when my sister-in-law chimed in, “That was me! I was that person! I always do the boutonnieres of every wedding, because I know the secret trick.”
“Secret trick? Do tell…” I said, leaning in, thinking of you guys.
“Well, how long do you need that floral boutonniere to look good? For a few hours, right? My secret to pinning perfect floral boutonnieres to stab the flower through the bud. Fuck the bud! You don't need that flower to last forever. And when you stab it through the bud, it keeps the flower from drooping and looking awkward. Fuck the bud.”
“Oh my god, fuck the bud.”
“The people need to know about fuck the bud.”
And that's why I'm telling all y'all. On your wedding day (if you have floral boutonnieres) eliminate that particular awkward moment of everyone getting flustered when they realize they don't know how to correctly pin a boutonniere, and remember to fuck the bud.