My getting married (or engaged for that matter) has never been a foregone conclusion. It's not that I ever swore it off entirely… though to hear my grandmother talk, you'd think so. The first thing she said upon hearing of my engagement was, and I quote, “HA! I told you so. Told you you'd change your mind.”
You tell friends and family that you're happy the way you are and that you can take it or leave it (“it” being matrimonial bliss). But that's not what makes me a liar, since I'm still stickin' to my guns that I'd not made any sweeping declarations regarding marriage.
But still… in the past month or so, I've been scratching my head about and thinking “Huh. I am such a liar.”
I'm not a judgmental person. I'm very easygoing in regards to opinions, lifestyles, and desires. Do what you will as long as no one's in pain and you're all clam-happy. More power to you, pet. Life's too short to be worrying about what your neighbor's growing. That doesn't mean that I've not looked at things and gone, “Ooh, I'd not do that for myself,” or “That wouldn't be my choice,” and getting hitched was no different.
Maybe it was the “take it or leave it” notion I had surrounding marriage, but I ended up making more of those sweeping declarations about a wedding than is typical for me in other areas of my life. I'd see someone make their own wedding cake, for example, and go, “Oh, that's cool. But I'd never do that.” Then I'd file it away, presumably forgotten in the mess of file cabinets manned by tiny neuron librarians that make up my perception of my brain. (We still use the Dewey decimal system. I refuse to abandon that knowledge.)
Unfortunately, those horn-rimmed glasses-wearing, self-shushing little librarians are more efficient than I'd realized. Almost as soon as that ring implausibly found itself onto my finger, and the idea of marriage into my heart… there they were, opening up the cabinet and dusting off the file. And as I read it, I go, “Awww man. I'm such a liar.”
A few examples:
- “I'd never make a cake myself.” Yeah. That's a lie. My mom is enjoying playing around with fondant, and the cake design is so simple, I don't think a baker needs to put it together.
- “Ooh, I want a really exotic flower, or something absolutely gorgeous for my wedding flowers.” *Buzzer sounds* Oooh, I'm sorry, brain. The correct answer is: Don't give a crap. No flowers.
- “I'd never spend that much money on a dress.” Lie. Spending money on a dress is one of the few things I've been able to talk my frugal self into. I love dressing up. And now I want a big, crazy, sexy wedding dress that my brothers and sister will want to mime throwing up onto when I walk down the aisle. I've had custom dresses made for my shows, events, and ren faire outings for years. Why would I spend less on the most photographed piece of clothing I'll ever own?
- “I'll never wear an engagement ring. I'm just not a ring person.” Try and take my antique pink sapphire from me and die.
- “I'll definitely wear white.” Okay, we'll call this one a draw. The wedding dress will be white (probably), but the reception dress is an ice blue and blush, vintage, tulle, poofy, ballerina number that makes me, every time I put it on, dance in front of the mirror and giggle.
So… every day I'm finding new little memories that float to the surface, and I laugh and remind myself not to make any more sweeping declarations. Thankfully, in this case, it's more amusing than anything to be a liar. And I especially enjoy that the lies aren't all geared towards being offbeat, as some have me skewing decidedly BACK to traditional. Honestly? Being a genuine collection of traditional and offbeat makes me feel more genuine — and less “labeled” than any of the old, silly sweeping declarations those librarians could dig up.