Turn that to-do into WOOHOO: The best wedding advice ever

Guest post by Mary SoLucky
Celebrating same-sex love in Seattle

When I got engaged, I felt like I was somehow immune to so many of the typical traps that ensnare people while planning their weddings. After all, I had been a wedding planner for a time, didn’t have lofty visions of my own wedding, and did not feel bound by formality, tradition, or family expectations. I was going to plan a wedding of my own design, and it was going to be laid back and easy, dammit.

I did not buy a single bridal magazine (but I did read you, dear Offbeat Bride; you are a sanity-saver). I did not enter one dress store, nor try on any dresses. I did not choose invitation paper, or font embossing, and opted not to have a bridal party. I encouraged my friends to host the only shower just a couple of days before the wedding, to streamline travel and expenses.

What I did do was design and create a lot of stuff myself, deciding what would be special and appropriate for my fiancé and myself. I dumped some “must-dos” altogether. (Sayonara, first dance.)

Surely, with such an easygoing and organized bride, this was bound to be a stress-free process, right? HA.

Six months into our ten month planning process, I broke down crying while talking to my mom about something wedding-related. (What was it? I can’t even remember. It was probably a stupid detail. Keep this in perspective: Whatever is making you cry today, you most likely won’t even be able to recall in about nine months.)

My mom turned around and gave me the best advice I received during the course of planning my wedding: Have fun. She told me that planning my wedding was a really special time, a process I would (God willing!) never go through again.

Through our conversation, I realized I had broken my wedding planning down into a series of to-do list items. As someone who worked full-time, and had plenty of other responsibilities, my plate was already feeling too full, and this new section of wedding to-dos left me feeling sleepless and fatigued of decisions.

My wedding, and the planning of it shouldn't be just a series of chores or items to check off a list. It was a time for my fiancé and me to practice working on a project together, and to carefully write the vows that would define our promises to one another. It was a time to learn more about our communication, and to be a creative outlet from my desk job. It was also an excuse to be in touch with friends and family that I don’t get to see often enough. And maybe, most important, for us to daydream and get excited about our future together.

From that day forward, I changed my attitude. It went from “drive to BigBoxStore, buy nail polish” to “Yes! I get to figure out what nail color I want to wear on MY WEDDING DAY! I will never get to do that again!” With that shift in attitude, suddenly my wedding and the planning became… fun! “Wine tasting anyone?! Wheee!”

And when it came to the wedding day, my mom had great advice once again: Have fun. (She’s sort of a one-trick pony.) She said that everyone at the wedding would have fun if only they can look up and see a relaxed and happy couple.

We had so much fun at our wedding. It was imperfect, and sometimes a chaotic celebration. But it included so many people that we love in one special place at a singular moment in time. It was unequivocally the most fun week of my life, and I felt like it was uniquely ours.

And now, I miss that special time while I was engaged, planning and daydreaming. I’m so glad someone reminded me to enjoy it before it was gone.

What was the best wedding advice you received? Bonus points if it came from yo' mama.

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