OPEN THREAD: Should you attend the wedding of a couple you aren’t inviting to yours?

Posted by
Vintage Blush foil-pressed wedding invitations from Minted.
Vintage Blush foil-pressed wedding invitations from Minted.

Hi Offbeat Army! I need a little advice.

I was invited to a wedding of two friends — actually more like acquaintances — who are getting married this spring. Though I don't know for sure, I think they're having a big wedding. My girlfriend and I agree that when we get married this couple wouldn't be on our invite list (for two reasons: because we want a smaller wedding, and because we're really not that close with them).

Knowing this, should we go to their wedding? -Ltn318

Is it right to go to someone's wedding when you know you won't invite them to yours?

Comments on OPEN THREAD: Should you attend the wedding of a couple you aren’t inviting to yours?

  1. How does this advice work in reverse? My situation: getting married in 25 days. There’s a lovely couple that we’re friendly with but didn’t invite. We just got their save-the-date. If we invited them now, it would simply be awkward and obvious why, so we won’t. But should we go? What’s the kindest way to approach this?

    • If you knew this couple previous to making your guest list and chose not to invite them I wouldn’t invite them now. If you met them after your guest list was finalized and you’ve grown close since then it would be a different story. You said you just received a save-a-date from them so there’s probably awhile before you get the official invitation. When you do you can see how you feel about it and if you feel close enough to them at that point then attend.

      • Update: I wanted to communicate with them before our own wedding, so I simply sent a heartfelt, kind apology. The sent the SWEETEST response about how they understand, how guest lists are difficult, and how excited they are for us. I then invited her to my low key bachelorette. The Fiance and I are going, because as people have said, they want us there and it’ll be fun! It was nice to get confirmation that people generally do understand. This post was helpful, so thank y’all!

  2. I actually have a question. Should I go to a wedding if I was not invited? My friend’s brother is getting married in September and my friend wants me to take her and go, also. She says it is alright, but I have not heard that from either the bride or groom. I feel I should not attend.

    • Are you going as the sister of the groom’s plus one? If so, then that would be okay. What I would do is ask your friend to show you her invitation including the envelope. If it’s addressed to her and a guest, and your the guest, then go ahead! If it’s just addressed to her then that means there was no plus one option and no, you shouldn’t go. If she no longer has the invitation then I’d just ask either the bride or groom if your friend gets a guest. It may be awkward but I’d rather do that then show up at the wedding and realize it wasn’t cool for me to do so!

  3. I’m usually more of a lurker, but commenting today because my first impulse seems to be one that hasn’t come up in this discussion yet: If I invited someone to my wedding and they didn’t show up, I’d be sad. If I then found out they missed my special day because one day I wouldn’t be invited to theirs, I’d be pissed off. These events are two different things. Why take away something from mine (the guests I’d have loved to be there to be with me to celebrate and share this important event in my life), only because I’m not going to be sharing yours. It doesn’t make any sense in my head whatsoever.

    Maybe this is a cultural thing and my european views are just different from what is socially acceptable elsewhere, but I thought I’d leave my two cents just in case they help someone feel better about their decision.

  4. Hello all,
    So I invited my step sister to my wedding, granted were not that close and, for the sake of other family members, only started working on our relationship the last couple of years. We had a semi large wedding with good food and an open bar. Is it wrong of me to expect a wedding invite to hers?

Read more comments

Comments are closed.