Pronouns & assumptions: Gay wedding etiquette rules every guest should follow #Advice#advice for guests#etiquette#gay#gender#genderqueer#guests#lesbian weddings#LGBTQ#queer#transgender Updated Mar 29 2019 (Posted Mar 20 2019) Guest post by Bronte Price Monique & Pamela's gamer girls wedding Photo by Amy Hill Photography Thanks to the monumental decision by the Supreme Court in the U.S. (and strides made elsewhere), things have changed significantly for LGBTQ couples. This judgement is finally liberating same-sex couples to live the lives they planned for themselves. Related Post This wedding is super gay! 5 ways to make your wedding gay as hell It's Pride Month, y'all, and everyone should be giving props to the LGBTQ community and their weddings. Well, not everyone. Some folks have concerns about... Read more And with this change, chances are you have been or will be invited to a gay wedding (or any type of LGBTQ wedding!). Maybe you're a seasoned pro at attending same-sex weddings or maybe they're a new concept for you, and you don't want to be responsible for any awkwardness on someone's wedding day. It's easy to fall prey to a faux pas when it comes to saying the right things. Understand that the basics, love and respect, remain the same for both straight and LGBTQ weddings. Here are six gay wedding etiquette rules that will make you the couple's favorite… Don't force yourself into a wedding just because you're curious The guest list for any wedding is always extremely crucial and private. The couple gets to decide which friends they want to be with for their own reasons. LGBTQ couples might not be comfortable sharing their big day with everyone they know. Don't crash gay weddings just because you know the couple. You should be at a wedding because you care for them and not because you're curious. Use the same terminologies as the couple There are a lot of resources that can help you understand the pronouns and terminologies LGBTQ people use. Go through them and understand the reasoning behind them. Once you understand the terms, it's much easier to use them correctly and adhere to the terminology and pronouns the couple uses for themselves. Their gender might not match what you expected and they might not want to be called "bride" or "groom." Stick to the terminology the couple uses for themselves or just stick to their names. Most importantly, stick to it after the ceremony, too. And if it changes down the line, you should adapt to any new or changed terms the couple chooses to use. Be mindful of gender and terms in gifts and cards Related Post Open thread: How do you deal with homophobic wedding guests at your gay-friendly wedding? Do you have family that is prejudiced? How did you handle homophobic wedding guests? This is an important issue... here are a few of our... Read more A lot of wedding businesses are attempting to be inclusive of gender in their products. One can find an inclusive photographer for instance with just with a couple of mouse clicks. Make sure your gift and/or cards are inclusive as well. Even if a card says, "Here come the brides" or have two men wearing tuxedos, that still may not match the couples identity. This area is a little grey, so as a guest you might need to put in extra effort to find a neutral gift/card or find out what the couple's preferences are. If you know the couple and their preferences closely, you could even make a handmade card. When in doubt, feel free to default to a gender-neutral card just to be safe. Don't use your RSVP card to talk about your opinions Related Post How we're talking to religious guests unsure if they want to attend our lesbian wedding Now, you and I both know that it's the same as any other wedding (or as different as every other wedding, as the case may... Read more Stick to any RSVP guidelines. The couple sent you the card to check if you will be attending their wedding or not. Use it only for that purpose and not to show any opinions about their wedding or relationship. If you can't make it, that's okay, but if you just aren't comfortable attending their wedding for any reason, the RSVP isn't the time to make that known. Don't make things awkward by asking about their next step There's a big divide between people who think it's okay to ask about future plans for children and family and those who believe this is a personal and private conversation. And this applies to LGBTQ couples and straight/cis couples alike. Sure, you might be curious if the couples is planning to expand their family in some way, but try not to pry, especially at the wedding. Understand that it's a very personal question and is far more complicated in many cases. Your well-intended question might end up making things awkward for everyone. Don't assume it will follow a specific format Just like with straight/cis couples, there may be a range of traditions and offbeat choices that they've made. LGBTQ weddings can be just as traditional as any other. The couple also has all the reason and opportunity to experiment with traditions, too. It's also likely you might encounter some elements at an LGBTQ wedding that you've never seen. There could be a best woman, a flower boy, or a man of honor. Maybe the the couple will enter the ceremony together. You might see rainbow colors, political statements, or maybe nothing new to you at all. Enjoy all of their choices and don't pass judgment on them. As a guest, you don't have to understand the reasoning behind it. All you are expected to do is be supportive of their choices and be a part of their happy day. Related Post What makes a wedding "real": Why our gay wedding will be traditional Same-sex weddings are still new enough that a lot of people wonder how different they will be compared to a straight wedding. I suspect that some straight people automatically think… Read More What new rules for LGBTQ weddings did we miss? Help us out in the comments! Guest post written by Bronte Price Bronte Price is Australia’s First Certified same-sex marriage celebrant. He stands strongly for marriage equality and takes immense pleasure in marrying any couple in love. He has also co-founded The Equality Network to help wedding suppliers create a better wedding experience for LGBTI couples. He is a regular volunteer newsreader at Joy 94.9, and a member of GLOBE (Gay and Lesbian Organization for Business and Enterprise). You will find him either in his organic backyard vegetable garden or taking walks with his fiancée Clint and their four legged fur baby – Bingo. https://gaycelebrant.melbourne/ PREVIOUS Love totally wins at this sparkly camp-chic unicorn interfaith queer wedding NEXT You'll swoon at this vintage Muslim wedding at the South Georgia Botanical Gardens Show/Hide comments [ 0 ] Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. 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